Cruel

Chapter 17

Sutton

I wake up snaked in Ben's arms in the back of the limousine, my eyes swelled and puffy from crying myself to sleep, "What did Caleb say to get you so upset?" He questions, brushing back a loose tendril of hair behind my ear with his fingers.

"Nothing that I didn't already know, it's just hearing him say it made it so much more real and hurt more than I had expected it to. I overheard him saying that I was nothing to him except a fuck." I raise my head to look up at him, confessing with a sniffle.

When Ben and I had left, I was too distraught to discuss what Caleb had done. Ben had left the issue alone, quietly letting me cry on his shoulder until I passed out in his embrace.

″He didn't mean it Sutton. He does care about you, he's just doesn't want to admit it and he's not very good at showing it either." Ben says earnestly, a steely expression covering his entire face. I know he doesn't want to see me sad, doesn't want me to feel as insignificant as I do, but lying for Caleb isn't going to solve anything.

"You don't need to defend him and lie to me because you think it will make me feel better. I'm a grown woman and can accept the reality of the situation." I pull back, sitting fully upwards, placing space between me and Ben on the leather seats. I'm beginning to not only be upset over Caleb, but now also with Ben for defending Caleb's callous words.

I understand what Caleb has said is true, that I'm nothing, that I'm an overpaid-live-in w***e, that I'm not good enough for him to care for or love. None of that changes the fact that what Caleb said was uncalled for with me so close by. His words were vicious, brutal, cutting deeper than a knife ever could and Ben's trying to rationalize it.

"I'm his best friend. I know and understand him better than most people and I also know why he does and says the things he does. He has reasons for everything, he just can't openly share those reasons with you. I see the way he looks at you, the way he got jealous when he walked in on us talking. It wasn't till then did I know for sure you were off limits, that he had developed real emotions towards you. I'm not making s**t up so you won't feel so bad. Not that I like seeing you this way, but I wouldn't lie to make you feel better. I'm telling you the truth because you deserve to hear it and understand you're not some hired f**k, you're so much more to Caleb then even he'll admit."

"Please stop, I don't want to hear anymore of this." I begin to plead. What Ben is saying is starting to soil into my brain, his words taxing. I'm starting to believe what he's saying, he's speaking so sincerely and I don't want to get hurt anymore than I already have been. I need him to shut up, stop talking, stop messing with my emotions before I fall for his act.

"I'm done talking, we're here." Ben nods upward, gesturing towards the window with the vehicle slowing to a stop.

I turn, looking over my shoulder, expecting to be arriving at Ben's home or somewhere unrecognizable, but to my surprise, he has taken me back to Caleb's with Caleb standing at the foot of the driveway waiting for us.

"Why did you bring me here?!" My voice sharpens, my eyes widen. I'm angry, I'm upset, I'm not ready to see or talk to Caleb with all my emotions so blended in a confused mix.

"Because if I didn't bring you here Caleb was going to come hunt you down. He text me while you were sleeping. Why would a man who doesn't care be so determined to find you if he really meant the things he said?" There's logic in his statement. I want more than anything to believe him at this moment but this isn't a fairy tale. I'm not Cinderella and Caleb for sure is no Prince Charming or my night and shining armor that has saved me from poverty and will fall hopelessly in love.

I jump out of the back seat of the limo slamming the door behind me with a sneering gnarl. I make sure I am standing close enough to Caleb so he can hear my disgruntled attitude but never look up to meet his face. I'm too ashamed, too hurt, and too angry to look at him. I just want to be left alone. I know seeing him will only make things more painful. It will remind me even more of what a fool I've been, thinking he could actually want me, that I had some importance in his life, had a place in his heart. In truth I'm only his s****l play toy.

"Sutton wait. We need to talk," Caleb speaks in an authoritative deep tone. He sounds flustered, aggravated. He's not happy with my defiance as I stride pass him ignoring his presence.

"I don't have anything to say to you. I'm going to my room. If you want to f**k me you can find me there. That's why I'm here right?" I huff with a sarcastic attitude, my question rhetorical not expecting a response while I near closer to the front door of the house. That's all I'm good for anyways, just a f**k.

"Damn it! Stop walking away from me." The sounds of Caleb's footsteps trail from behind. The pounding force of his shoes smacking into the concrete almost as loud as his dark icy voice while he attempts to approach me.

I speed up my pace, briskly entering his home racing up the steps. I get to my room throwing myself down on the bed. The tears that have been fighting to return find their way back out, a stream of moist drops quickly pouring down my cheeks uncontrollably. I cry into the satin pillowcase staining it with my running mascara.

"Sutton you weren't meant to hear what I said to Estabon about you." Caleb storms through the bedroom door. "You don't understand that I had to tell him that." He's still speaking in his deep tone not having me convinced that what he is saying holds any truth.

"Unless you're here for s*x can you please just leave me alone? I don't want be around you or anyone right now." I sob, my voice muffled while I keep my face burrowed in the pillow. Why can't he just let me be? Doesn't he comprehend how much he's making me suffer, how he's only making it worse?

I feel the weight of his body sink into the mattress. His strong firm hand grasping at the side of my waist pulling me over so I turn on my back. I keep my eyes closed as a hand moves to my face, gentle fingers beginning to stroke the sides of my cheek brushing the loose strands of my hair off to the sides. I can't seem to ignore the electricity that courses through my veins from his touch. Even with everything that's happened, everything that's been said and done, I find myself still vulnerable to his touch. I peek my eyes open to meet his stare, to admire his handsome face, falling shamelessly hypnotized by his magnificent crystal eyes.

"I had to tell Estabon what I did to protect you. I didn't mean what I said. I'm sorry that you had to hear what you did. I never wanted to hurt you like this." He's speaking softer, his tensed muscles gradually loosening. He doesn't tell me how he does feel about me but what he's said, the way he executes his delivery, it let's me know he does care. This is how he expresses himself, vaguely with his spoken words, his actions always doing the speaking for him. "I know we have a contract, that I could have my lawyers come after you if you broke our agreement but I wouldn't do that. If you don't want to be here anymore I won't stop you, I'll understand. Just know before you make you're decision that I don't want you to leave me. Please tell me you'll stay."

There's a rapid thumping pounding in my chest. He's protecting me from something? I want to know what he's talking about but I know Caleb well enough to know I won't get answers and I'm more focused on what's aspiring. Tonight he has taken twenty steps back but has moved fifteen steps forward. I know now for sure that's there's real hope for the two of us yet I also now know how destructive Caleb is, how destructive and complicated our relationship is. I know there is a stronger possibility that I am only setting myself up for more heartache, for failure and it quickly has me questioning if I'm strong enough to fight for Caleb, if my heart can endure what he puts it through. The pain has been excruciating, the uncertainty a scary path to travel. He tells me he needs me, he wants me to stay but how long will he keep feeling this way? Is the risk worth taking, or should I accept defeat and walk away now before it becomes no longer an option but a decision that I have no say in when Caleb realizes I'm of no more use and he's tired of me?