The Lovelorn

Another white tears

I found my self in the school library. I was unaware how I get in,or how I walked,who I met,nothing. I only knew where I'm and it's the school library. I reached for an encyclopedia after I signed for entrance register,I sat on a wooden chair not minding if it's dusty or not. l don't care. I believe this was the quietest plan to curb my pains.

I opened a page inside the encyclopedia and be glaring at it. I tried to read interesting stuff to forget the malaise that has taken over my brain. I read "_Bangladesh:Bangladesh is a country in..."_

The next minute,my mind started reading Jane's letter. I can't help it and what I remembers most is the last statement " I hate you"

It strikes my heart like a sword. I kept asking how and why because; even if I ever lied to everyone; I won't lie to myself. I know I didn't toast anyone. Not even her. Hers is even worst because I hadn't converse with her. Not even once. Though this wasn't not the first time I had seen her. I think maybe I knew her more than any other classmate. Her beautiful face troubled by pimples; her small but broad innocent nose and her cute kissing lips that the upper one seems to be a bit longer that the lower but wasn't ugly because it's small and pinkish. Also,her round face with fleshy jaw and the fact that she had a postural defect in which her left knee seems a bit shifted to the front than normal but can be hardly noticed when she's walks except if she stood at a place. And her big waist that twerks perfectly and with expertise and her innocent breast that's strong and held her school short erect. Her average height ,her brownish colour and the Gucci bag that never left her back. All that I knew when she came for Junior Waec exam registration and took our class number;the very first time she set her feet in Bethel Advanced School and the very first I took sight of her. The first day I saw the devil that had rob my mental health at a short period of two days added.

She wasn't as beautiful as she is today and few people saw her too. She changed within two days and became the most talked about;the cynosure and the God of twerking.

I only glared at her that day and was less concerned, even,I didn't knew she was coming to JSS3;I only knew that she's a new student.

In the eve of the next day which was yesterday. We went for our normal youth night vigil. I led the worship song. And well,it's time for praise; Our praise leader wasn't present so I started since I can do better than any other person in the house.

After some few minutes, I heard the voice of our praise leader and that's when opened my eyes because I normally sings with eyes closed.

I saw two people coming in and working from the back to the dressing room which also serves as the dining and for any other use except bathing, urinating or toilet purposes. I studied their movement because I saw something unusual but familiar. The first one is Aunty Evelyn. She's one of the leader of the youth night vigil though she came late this time. The seconds girl that seemed to have accompanied her appeared like same girl I saw at school. I glared at the legs, and I noticed the left leg which is a significant figure and the knee is moved a bit than normal,and the movements corresponds. Though they were more like a shadow because the light was unilluminated. I decided to ignore the chaffs my eyes gathered and focus on the prayers and it's already the main prayer time

Few minutes after, Aunty Evelyn cane out and joined the crew but I'm yet to see the girl she came with. After some while, my mind couldn't bear it,I left the congregation and went inside the dress room. Behold,it's Jane. I stood for a while gazing and she had been eating. She was engulfing an indomie noodles in a feeding flax. She had open the flax and remove a player like rubber in it and the rest were food and I did saw it but i didn't long for it,I'm not that type. She returned the gaze and we maintained an eye contact till she took off her eyes. I pretend as if I'm maybe searching for something or come around to perform a task and I know its all camouflage. And when I noticed that she had imposed all her mind in the content of the flax and her mouth always patient of the swaggy spoon. I started glaring at her again and many things revolved on my mind, I had thought how beautiful she's. How cool it will be to kiss her, how cool our voice will be and so many things.

I didn't really liked her or had a thought of such but I can't hate her,I mean,no reason to.

I imagined talking with her ;her beautiful lips vibrating;her good and interesting intonations which I knew of the day she came for registration after addressing herself to the principal and I was stealing a glance and a sound near the door. And I had stood there for long. She's cute and maybe intelligent too,yeah,but how intelligent? That I'm yet to know.

She caught my etes and wanted to say a word but swallowed it with an expression that says "You're such a fool" or maybe something like that and I understood it. I felt embarrassed and empty then I left the room.

That was the last time I saw her that very night it was also my second encounter with her. And now it makes me think that I knew her more than any other classmate. maybe that's true ,maybe it's not,what baffles me was why she wrote that s**t that got me mourning when I didn't even had a conversation with her.

She's a devil;Jane is a dare devil. I hated her with my damn life.

I took a stick of ice cream;what i had needed since morning, because the horrors of yesterday is taking much time of recovery. The stick is consumable but tasteless, made of something like a slight floor or sort of and y-shaped.

The students queued up in voluminous numbers. Some dragging, some pushing but all had their mouth wrestling with words. The boys toasting, the girls pretending, some asking the boys to get them snacks and stuffs,I'm not in that league and the school canteen is the host.

It's a small building made of iron canter and copious snacks, school materials and so on. The sales that was placed on it only serves people through a small square hole curved from an iron. Protector maybe to avoid criminal acts or to avoid the disturbance of the students. The only thing I know is that they constructed the protector to avoid people's access to the canteen door except the caretaker who make sales through the curved hole that seems like a small window.

I was a kind of warm and burning within so I made out of the school gate, to get purchase this iced cream that's about to be won by my tasty lips and my longing tummy,the arm bearer. Outside the gate, you see people so busy with their works but they treat the students like they do the Rev. Fathers and the Rev. Sisters.

Now the iced cream has been defeated. I needs a snack and I felt better a bit within though. But it's hard,very hard,to stand in the long queue glaring, with students numbering about 50's and I will maybe stand in the fifty seventh gap or maybe eight and be longing. And heat will ask "who's there?" and you will reply, "It's me" and he will say let's vibe. I studied the queue, and saw Ned in the fifth gap,stamping for attention. Everyone else does the same though and it's hard,just like life and everything in it. But it's a nice choice too,is it?,but I don't like vibes of the heat, and no,I'm not in.

I have only one friend;no ,two, the morning sun;the golden riser and the yellow sun of the evening, the golden setter. The morning gives me joy,it's only full with the sun in it's mild blazing power. The evening is my pride, it's so for the big yellow on the sky. It's gentle and when he's tired ,he gave chance for the moon.

Anytime I hear noon, I remembers the had white strong man,who's no friend to the eye. He's not good. But the golden riser is better and the golden setter is the best.

I stood and wondered in silence. Should I go out of the gate again for the snacks? Ah no. you only get permitted once during break time. I checked my wrist, so dumb,where do I expect the watch to come from when I hadn't purchased any. I turned back and saw Jerry.

"Hey,what's the time?" I called out.

He replied "quatre to buy your own!" I kept silent. It's an insult I know but I felt it friendly. He approached me and said mildly "fifty minutes past Eleven". I felt shocked like I hadn't been aware that the time had been going the moments I was on my toes for minutes. Only ten minute to call of the break and the queue had decreased. I could've been served by now if I had been patient and stood in the queue all these times like any other student and when the heat shouts,"who?"

I reply "Go away!" With hanky. But damn,I was thinking, thinking nothing.

I wasted no ting-ting. I reached for the queue align as others does but before I got near, to my greatest astonishment, Jane and Laurette that I beheld minutes ago coming in from the school gate made for the queue too. I queried myself,no ,not why they are here because they have the right but what did they needed that they didn't saw outside. I realized I did the same too and I was trying to condemn theirs, nah.

Before I could reach the lined queue, Laurette had joined as the Sixteenth and Jane stood behind her as seventeenth. You should ask what I had been doing, I had just been gazing aid less and just despaired. To stand behind my worst enemy, how brutal. But I had no choice, I stood where I had to,at the eighteenth spot but I gave a gap than normal, not usual to others but now it's so because I'm near the Devil and I needed a long spoon.

It reached Laurette's turn,She stepped forward to place her demand. I'm already at the third spot with only Jane affront my print. The gap Laurette exhumed had stayed uncovered. Jane had been watching a group of boys playing football in the field. I learnt maybe she's passionate of outdoor games. But all I care, she'd suppose to fill the blank that had Laurette before she's served. And she suppose to stick to her also before someone steps in and that do happens. Poor thing,it will be so brutal to me ,since I'd slumbered to become what I suppose to be above and she will only be the next hand. I waited for a minute and her mind didn't show up to the lawn. Mine does the same too, it isn't unusual. I thought of how to alert her. I'm in worst terms with her, If I would talk to her,She will either shun me or glare at me nefariously. Or may exclaim on top of her voice and that will be worst. People will say that I had toasted her again and... Damn. Maybe she will be nice too.

The break time is about to exempt. If I keep mute still,how bad could it be?. I decided and accord to myself that I had to alert her and I did,I tapped her back and her two balls that settles in the eyes jammed with mine. I made a hand signal that said,"Move a bit forward".

She hadn't moved and each instead, she raised her right hand and I felt it on my jaw;it's so painful. I can't believe it but it's what it's. When last had a girl slapped me? Only my mum,and I can't even remember the last time. What can I do? Nothing.

"Why did you touched my breast?!", she screamed on top of her voice. I felt sore and casted out,and buried. My mind ran away,my soul flew,my spirit hided and my appetite eloped. I screamed within me," who's with me!" And I had heard nothing. I left the queue unaware of my movements. I felt like I bore no head.