Darkest Desires

CHAPTER 1: DRAGONS 🐉

I hated the park, I know most kids my age loved it but I despised every single agonizing minute I spent there- I didn't like frolicking in sand, I disliked running around aimlessly, I wasn't keen on meeting the other kids, they were always either too dirty and put just about anything in their mouths or extremely loud always screaming like it was their second language, for some reason there was always that one kid with snot all over their nose, it was like they constantly had a cold.

I hated it.

Maybe I wasn't normal. Or maybe they weren't normal.

I scowled at my mother in the driver's seat she just had to drag me to the park. I crossed my arms over the seat belt that had me strapped into the seat pouting. If my dad were here he wouldn't have forced me, I grimaced as the thought of him crept into my head.

My father had passed away the year before, I was heartbroken and devastated when my mom came to relay the news, he died when travelling for a business trip my mother never told me much more than that, I didn't even think I wanted to know more.

I didn't want to believe it, I felt like a part of me had been ripped right out and I was half a person. I just remember curling up into a ball on my mother's lap and crying.

The pain and heartache I felt, hurt beyond the physical, it was raw and so intense clinging so hard to me, some nights I would imagine him coming home, and that he'd come to read me my bed time story, I seriously thought I was going insane but I figured it's because I missed him, I knew my mother did too though I still cried my eyes out at night. Life without him was hard and I appreciated my mother for making it easier and much more bearable for me.

Even though she did things like take me to the park.

A few months later we moved here and as the new family in the neighborhood I was forced to start engaging with kids I disfavored, I might have been a kid myself but I never liked the other kids, they were weird not to mention extremely unrealistic. I had left a life behind and I didn't want to start a new one, I couldn't even bring myself to know any of the kids, they seemed kind though but I definitely wasn't interested in friendships.

"okay Elena we're here" my mother turned looking at me in the back seat. I did my best to show her that I was upset and kept glowering.

"come on sweetie, work with me here. If you want you can go by the swings while I get to know the other grown ups okay?"

"did I really have to come?" I rolled my eyes and kept staring through the window.

"yes I couldn't leave you alone, now come on" she turned to open her door.

Sighing and praying I wouldn't meet any weird kids with snot, I reluctantly climbed out.

"what are you even going to talk about with those women?" I asked as she appeared by my side, I was curious because she made me come all this way, she knew I detested the park.

"recipes, school preparations parent stuff"

"that's boring" I sighed.

"okay young lady since you're being a grouchy pants, how about we make a deal? If you behave and act like a kid I'll let you eat ice cream tonight" my mouth widened with joy and disbelief at her words. She must have really wanted to do this if she was offering me the grand deal.

"you got a deal" we shook on it and kept walking to where the other parents were.

They were a bunch of women seated around on a large picnic table others were engrossed in each other talking about recipes I figured.

"hey Madeline" a tall lady with big brown eyes greeted my mother, embracing her in a hug. I hoped she wouldn't hug me I hated hugs, they only reminded me of my father and I didn't want to go down that road again. I tuned out the other grown ups that approached us, I was thinking maybe I could just go take a nap in the car and avoid all these people.

"mommy! Mommy!" I turned around to see the source of the voice, I looked at the girl running like she was possessed, her hair was all over the place, it had so many things stuffed into it, pins, head bands, ribbons I'm sure I saw a marker somewhere in there, she was dressed in a purple and black polka dot dress it was kind of funny looking, I wondered if she dressed like that on purpose maybe she wanted to look like a clown.

Something about her made me feel warm and fuzzy and I giggled to myself.

"sweetie what's wrong?" I saw the replica she called her mother kneel down to inspect her. I hadn't noticed the drawing pad and crayons she had in her hand till her mother grabbed them from her.

"that boy mommy!" she pointed towards the playground. I turned my head and noticed a dark haired kid run back and disappear behind a tree, I only saw his back so I couldn't quite make him out. She was scared of some boy, my mom always told me to stand up to bullies and help anyone who suffered at their hands, for some reason I wanted to help the funny looking girl even though I didn't like kids.

"don’t worry sweetie, he won't hurt you" she patted the girls head and attempted to smooth her wild chestnut coloured hair.

"why don't you and that little girl go play" I heard my mom's voice whisper.

"I don't like kids mom" she c****d her head to one side and smiled.

"need I remind you that you're a kid, now go before I call off our deal" My eyes narrowed in shock.

"but you say never go back on your word" I held my finger threateningly.

"you're a handful, Elena go" she insisted.

Slumping my shoulders I walked over to the weird looking kid, I wasn't social I didn't even know what to say to her, luckily before I could come up with something she started talking.

"hey my name is Lily, like the flower, do you like drawing? I like drawing, look!" she shoved a drawing in my hands, I'd never met a girl who talked as much as she did, but it didn't bother me for some reason.

"it's a dragon" I said surprised, I thought she drew some pretty princess but instead I found a dragon.

"yes I love dragons they are so awesome I mean who doesn't love anything that involves flying and fire - I was pretty sure no one loved that- oh wait what's your name?"

"Uhm Elena" I responded, trying to keep up with her speed talking.

"what does that even mean? - she seemed thoughtful for a moment then continued before I could say anything - Never mind come with me" she tugged my hand and we were suddenly running towards the playground I didn't want to go there but she had already dragged me far and objecting was already out of the picture.

We sat on a bench, at least we weren't any where near the other kids.

"so are you new here?" she asked,

shoving a pencil in her hair

No wonder it’s such a mess

"yeah, we just kinda moved here"

" that's great! I've lived here my whole life, it sucks really"

"you don't like it here?" I questioned.

"no I want to leave this town once I'm all grown up like my sister" she took a crayon that I hadn't noticed from behind her ear and started a sketch. This girl was funny and weird, a good kind of weird.

"do you know what those grown ups talk about?" she asked, staring at me wide eyed.

"no, do you?" even though my mother had told me what they discussed, it had already left my brain cause I might have been curious but I certainly didn't care. What don’t give me that look.

"I don't think so, I just hear my mom talking about some Bobby filay guy something to do with food"

"I hear my mom talk about him too" I added with complete surprise, my mom only ever talked about two things most times, the filay guy and some show about vampires with diaries something to do with blood, I felt a cringe assault my spine.

"big people are weird.. Oh no don't look behind" she warned and focused her eyes on the paper before her, it felt like she wanted to make herself invisible but she couldn't tell me that and expect me not to look behind.

I looked back and saw two boys about the same height staring our direction, one of them seemed pretty odd he gave me uncanny feelings, he's the same one that seemed to be chasing after Lily. The other one just looked smug and had a cocky expression. I turned my head back to Lily her face was focused on the drawing and I wondered why she became so timid.

"are they bullies?" I folded my arms and questioned her.

She looked up at me biting her lower lip and peeking over my shoulder. Was she scared?

"not really bullies, they just like to tease my drawings" she pouted.

"that's still bullying Lily"

"hey flower who's your new friend?" I heard a voice speak and turned my head to look at cocky kid, I peered my head to see if the other kid was still staring. He was getting onto his bike, he threw me a glare before riding away. I shook off the weird feeling that had filled my stomach and turned my head to the smug kid.

"don't call me flower" Lily grunted keeping her gaze on the dragon she was almost done with.

"but you're a Lily dumb ass"

"hey don't call her that" he was kid with such bad language, I frowned. I wondered who his parent were and if they knew their son was a bully with bad language.

"I wasn't talking to you, freckles" I scowled at his remark, I knew I had a light dusting of freckles on my cheeks but the way he said it made feel like it was wrong to have them.

That's the first time I ever felt insecurity knock on my door and decide to never leave.

"Just go away Tobias!" Lily practically yelled. The boy, Tobias, scrunched up his face and before we knew it he grabbed Lily's drawings running off in the direction where the other kid had left.

"you'll never see these again!" I almost got to my feet and started chasing him down.

"no" Lily sighed "he does this all the time." she waved her hand aimlessly in the air.

"and you let him?" I looked at her perplexed.

"it's fine really" she grabbed another paper from her drawing pad, removing the crayon she shoved in her hair resuming to draw.

I folded my arms and stared at her.

"well I don't think it's fine"

****************

9 years later.

"I think they grew again" Lily shrieked by my side earning some questionable glances from the other students as we walked out of the cafeteria and into the outside eating area.

She was being dramatic as usual.

"why do you think so?" I smiled in her direction while she chewed her bottom lip.

Lily was still the same dramatic girl I had met in the park, still the same loud mouth and still wore funny colors but over the years her dress code had changed, she usually wore plaid skirts with a T-shirt but still the same odd colours not to mention she also wore combat boots and totally made them work. Despite her still having an obsession with dragons she refrained from using her hair as a pencil case. She had grown up right before my eyes, speaking of growing.

"well yesterday I tried on the bra I bought just last week, and boom it didn't fit. I don't know what to do with them" I sunk my front teeth onto my lower lip, stifling a laugh. There she was complaining about her tit size increment.

"you do realize that's not a problem right?" I rolled my eyes as we sat down to eat.

"I know but you and I both know I'm a late bloomer. Remember when I got my period last year" she leaned in whispering the words.

I could never forget that day, she told me she was feeling weird and all mushy inside so I hurried over to her place, just when I opened the front door a scream echoed throughout the entire house. I was almost assaulted by a heart attack immediately I rushed to her knowing she was home alone and practically barged in on her inside the bathroom.

She was seated down on the toilet looking like she had seen a ghost.

I asked her what was wrong because I thought she was in imminent danger but clearly that wasn't the case, she just put her head in her hands and muttered.

"the crimson wave has finally arrived" I balled up on the floor and laughed at her till she kicked me out of the bathroom and asked me to get her any appropriate sanitary towels.

"you're just dramatic" my eyes narrowed upwards.

"anyway my mom leaves tomorrow again, do you want to come over?"

"I'll ask my mom if I can, she just came back yesterday she might want to spend some time with me"

"oh yeah how did the visit with your grandparents go?"

"She said it went pretty well which isn't usually like her, she always explains every detail of anything she does" I didn't know why my mother came back home a little agitated, after visiting my grandparents, she usually loved going there and would always fill me in on her road stories.

"hey flower!" I turned my head and looked over to Tobias. He was sauntering towards us, for some reason Tobias had developed the tendency of coming to drop by every time we had lunch, it was only to mock either me or Lily, mostly the latter.

"what do you want Tobias" Lily grunted rolling her eyes. These two always seemed to have some sort of tension. At first I thought he was bullying her, but I later realized they'd just bicker like an old married couple.

"what's up freckles" he nodded my direction. I ignored him and kept eating, it was because of him I had become self aware of my freckles they weren't even that visible but ever since he mentioned it that day in the park I felt some type of way.

My mother always told me nothing was wrong with having freckles when I asked her why the skin on my face had dots, she always said they were beautiful and that I shouldn't care, I really tried to follow that advice but the insecurity had already began to morph.

"I just came over cause flower here ignored me yesterday" he towered over Lily, his eyes narrowing at her.

I was beginning to think he probably liked her, over the years he'd always make fun of us but again he'd always find a way of being around us, well Lily per say. If I ever mentioned it to Lily that he probably had a crush on her she'd punch my throat and call me delusional, and no I'm not joking.

"yeah so" lily groaned shoving a carrot stick in her mouth. She wasn't even sparing him a glance but I could see the uncomfortably that clouded her eyes.

"no one ignores me flower" he shoved her plate away sending it flying off the table. We both jumped at the sudden action.

"what the hell Tobias" I bit out angrily, like I said before I hated bullies and I hated it more when Tobias decided to be one from time to time.

"oh by the way freckles, Ethan arrives tomorrow" my whole mind went blank as he dumped the news on me.

1 year ago.

_

"hey guys since it's a free period let's play truth or dare" Ryan shouted for the whole class to hear. Lily and I glanced at each other sharing knowing looks, we knew they'd just dare us to do dirty things, the boys in my class were just a clan of nimrods who had no idea what they came to school for.

"I think that's a good idea" Natalie giggled, she was positioned in front of me, in her cheerleader outfit that left little to the imagination.

They were mumbles and hushed whispers but no one really objected to the idea. Of course I made an attempt but no one seemed to care what I had to say, I started contemplating leaving the class and going to hide out in the library till the bell rang and we'd all go home.

"gawd this is stupid, I was in the middle of a really good drawing" Lily huffed.

"we don't really have to do it do we?" I whispered over to her.

"you know they'll hate on us if we don't, I don't think I'll handle another week of name calling" she sighed leaning backwards.

She was right we were already considered the snitch sisters even though we never snitched on anyone, someone just came up with the name and boom everyone was calling us that. To top it off they called us the tepid twins seemingly because we weren't interested in engaging with most of the activities they did. We were literally the outcasts of most our classes, but we weren't bothered because we had each other we were best friends. But Lily wasn't wrong, the name calling still wasn't any less annoying, it was just truth or dare what could possibly go wrong.

I should have never said those word.

"okay we'll start with, bingo" Ryan pointed over to Natalie, my heart nearly skipped a beat when I thought his finger would pause on me.

"Truth or dare Natalie?"

"dare" she giggled, it was annoying over the years I endured her stupid giggle, sometimes I wanted to shove my fist down her throat. You really couldn't blame me it was maddening.

"well I dare you to kiss your crush" I could practically feel my brain die, as I said before they were meaningless degrading dares.

"oh that's not a problem" she jumped out of her seat and paddled over to where he was seated. He sat ever so loosely in his chair, his legs stretched out and nothing but nonchalance painted over his face, a few beards had begun to show as evidence of the man he was becoming. But after all these years that had passed he still gave me the same weird feelings, the ones I felt for the first time in the park, the ones I always felt when he looked my way.

Natalie bent over and planted a kiss on his cheek, he didn't really respond to it but he didn't push her away either for some reason I wish he did the latter. I turned back and looked at the front till she finished and positioned herself back in her seat.

"Natalie your turn"

"okay, err Tobias truth or dare?"

"truth" Tobias piped from behind me, he sat in the row behind me and part of me always thought it was to be closer to Lily.

"Argh boring. Is it true that you're not a virgin"

Tobias scoffed like she just asked something stupid, we were in the eleventh grade and I was aware some people were becoming sexually active I always thought it was too early and frowned upon it.

"yes it's true" he muttered out bored. I saw Lily turn swiftly in her seat and eye him for a moment. I had no idea why but the rest of the day after Tobias had confessed to not being a virgin she seemed rather upset. Something was seriously up with those two.

"okay my turn!" Tobias suddenly yelled, interrupting my thoughts.

"freckles truth or dare"

Heck , I didn't want either, I didn't want to do any dares, with the way my relationship with the entire class currently was I didn't want to be taken advantage of. But truth, he might ask me something intimate or s****l but maybe that was a safer option right?

So then why the heck did my mind say

"dare"

" freckles I dare you to kiss Ethan" my heart skipped two beats! I had never kissed anyone before and I wasn't about to kiss the guy that gave me the creeps. I looked back at Tobias, involuntarily catching a glimpse of Ethan.

He was just lazily staring with a smug expression on his face, his features were already maturing at great speed. His solid grey eyes lingered on me a moment before looking forward and acting complacent as usual.

"I can't do that"

"yeah, you dingus" Lily defended

"it's a dare, and you picked it so do it" he said tauntingly.

I glared in his direction, he was smugly scratching a few beards, I had almost forgotten how he'd also grown, he had a very athletic build, I figured it was because he had to keep up with his position on the football team, he was captain after all. Ethan was just as well built and athletic looking which was a bit surprising considering he wasn't doing any sports, I figured he just worked out.

"I'm not kissing her" Ethan spoke his deep voice pulling me out of my thoughts and relief flooded through me, but confusion suddenly replaced it. It's the way he said the words that had me befuddled, he said the words like I was repulsive or grotty in some sort. I felt a sudden pang of hurt I didn't want his words to hurt me but they did. I hadn't done anything to him, we never talked but why was the disgust distinct.

"you don't have to kiss her back" Tobias swiveled in his chair, throwing Ethan an annoyed look but something about Ethan's stare made me buckle inside. He was always quiet, despite being highly reserved he was extremely popular with everyone, even the teachers loved him plus he was an A straight student I would get why.

But his demeanor with me was very odd it had always been, he barely spared me a glance and when he did I felt unusual. I would normally brush it off it's not like he was bothering me, but then why did he seem to be revolted by me?

"I said no" he grunted. Slamming his hand on his desk, my breath caught at the action.

"it's just a measly kiss dude" Tobias scoffed.

No it wasn't just that, not in my case.

"fine whatever" wait what!? I started seeing red when the words repeated in my head.

I wasn't going to kiss him, no way in hell.

His eyes focused on me, and he questioningly arced an eyebrow. His expression was impassive as his gaze took me in. He was assessing me, as if studying if I was enough for his needs.

"I don't agree to this" I voiced out, specifically to Tobias.

"doesn't matter" Tobias shrugged. Oh hell it doesn't.

"the girl doesn't want, we aren't doing it. You can't force her" Ethan intervened, a part of me was thankful that he had changed his mind the other was wondering why?

"fine then kiss Ryan" Tobias chuckled, leaning back in his seat.

"quit the crap Tobias let's just move on no one wants to kiss that clueless virgin anyway" Natalie chimed, mockingly.

Clueless virgin!?

"It's not like anyone wants to kiss you either, you basic slut" I didn't realize that my thoughts had escaped my mouth until the entire class gasped and went silent.

The screech of Natalie's chair was the only sound that echoed as she got up and stared at me like she was going to beat the s**t out of me.

"what did you just call me?" she gritted.

"oh no err Natalie, Elena didn't mean that-

" zip it weirdo!" she shut off Lily's attempt to help, heck I did mean it everyone knew she was a slut. I probably made a mistake of blabbing it out but I wasn't wrong.

I just stared at her calmly while Lily chewed on her lip, anxiously.

In a flash Natalie charged at me grabbing at my hair, I felt fire erupt through my skull as her nails sunk in my head. s**t!

It wasn't long till I was clawing at her hands, I grunted and pushed her on the floor, straddling her in a way.

"Elena stop!" I heard Lily shriek. I was going to stop I just wanted to relay a message.

"I'm not clueless, plus I'd rather be a virgin than a parking lot for d***s" I groaned in frustration, she suddenly pushed me off, and started crawling onto me, nearly stabbing my legs with her heels.

"that's enough!" I heard the angry groan yell, then saw Tobias pulling Natalie away. But someone was holding me with strong arms, helping me off the floor. Once I was on my two feet blowing my own hair out of my face I stared at the solid hard form that was Ethan.

" come with me" he ordered, my legs all too willingly followed him, I didn't know where we were going or why he was the one dragging me out in the first place. This was the first contact he had ever made with me, why was he doing this?

"excuse me but what are you doing?" I questioned as we walked out of school heading to the parking lot. His jaw seemed clenched and I was only able to see part of his face his entire back was all my eyes were offered.

"Ethan let me go" I grunted attempting to yank my hands out of his hold, but his grip was firm, I'm sure I was going to bruise after.

"damn I didn't think you had it in you virgin" he lightly chuckled.

"don't call me that!" I retorted. It was true I was a virgin and so what it didn't make me any less human, I wondered why they treated it like it was a disease. I was happy I wasn't letting guys shove their things inside me all willy nilly. We all know men have a tendency of shoving things in there anyway and I'm not talking about c***s.

When I was ready it was going to happen.

"it's a fact isn't it?" he abruptly paused, I nearly crushed into his hard body. He turned to face me towering over me, his gaze asking for an answer.

"and if I say it isn't" I narrowed my eyes, I was trying to pretend that him being close and staring at me like that wasn't making me feel anxious and nervous at the same. I didn't like it not one bit.

"then you'd be lying" he whispered, narrowing his eyes at me as he kept staring maintaining the eye contact and prolonging the awkward feeling that grew inside me.

"Listen little miss virgin, you're far too innocent to be causing fights so stay in your place" he suddenly bit out. Letting go of my arm.

"you're not anyone to be giving orders" I felt his stare cut through me, the sudden confidence that came out with those words seemingly fleeting.

"when it concerns Natalie I do. Don't mess with her" he said dismissively.

Why was he even defending Natalie? He never acted like he cared about her, maybe they did have a thing.

"oh is that a threat?" I narrowed my eyes and scoffed.

"yes it is, I urge you to not take them lightly" he whispered the cold stare returning. I didn't expect him to say that.

"this wouldn't have happened if she hadn't called me a clueless virgin"

"you are a virgin and you do seem pretty clueless."

"why did you drag me out here? only to insult me" I rolled my eyes.

"you needed to cool off, I didn't know you even had a fighting bone in you"

"you don't know me" I retorted. I didn't know why I always felt the need to be defensive with him, but I was.

"you're right I don't and I have no intention of doing so"

"what did I ever do to you? It's like you have something against my existence?" the questions left my mouth before registering with my brain.

But I didn't feel regret, I wanted to know.

"because you're pretender, always playing hero making people believe you'll help them, but I'll crush that little spirit of yours, I'll give you such a good lesson, you'll never forget me" he whispered, I could feel huis breath linger above mine as he stared at me with what I could only assume was anger maybe hate, before he could completely walk away he turned around and threatened that I stay away from Natalie, then he swaggered away disappearing from view.

_