Blood-Stained Moon

Day 2

My heart is pounding. Not the nervous 'lovesick' butterflies in the stomach type of pounding. The churning of the stomach in a bad way, heart fallen out onto the floor kind of pounding. An imagination of his emotionless face staring burned into my memory, his distaste evident in his low but void voice. Bubbles of bile claw up through my throat, threatening to exit as I dashed through people strolling the castle. I don't even care whether I was seen as rude or not, I just want to hide my crimson face before tears make their unwanted appearance. Wolfy has shrunk back inside my head, but for all she shuts me out, I can still feel her pain. It is matched with my own, my hearts selfish feelings, ones that I never wished to have. Why does it feel like I've lost someone close? A lack of emotion and recognition from my mate has torn down all my defenses. I'm laid bare at his feet, and he doesn't care to look. I've forgotten everything I saw before, consumed in my own sorrow, I fling my door open, lock it and crawl into a fetal position on the bed, crying myself dry rocking side to side. When I have nothing left to give, my eyes flutter and close.

Wake up, it's morning. we are hungry.

I woke up, my hair all crusted into the pillow with salty tears. My head feels like heavy cotton wool, my throat as dry as the Sahara. I feel numb, empty but weighted down at the same time. My stomach rumbles, I pull my phone from my pocket to check the time. Sh*t, it's 6am. Breakfast is in half an hour. But, I don't think I can face anyone right now, especially not a hall full. My stomach protests again loudly. I sigh and grab a glass from my sink, fill it and chug the contents. My stomach protests even louder at the sudden influx of liquid. I've been asleep for 20 hours, my muscles ache, stretching makes satisfying pops in the joints. I sniff my arms as I stretch and nearly gag, I smell like Leon. I grab my wash bag and towel and head to the bathroom. I didn't even notice my bladder groaning, until I emptied and felt relief. I hopped in the shower for a quick scrub and lathered my hair in shampoo before giving a quick condition. My hair is quite thick, so I usually give it a comb in the shower to help with the tangles. It needed a bit more care to untangle all the tears. The bathroom door opens as I'm finishing up, I wait until I hear a toilet door close and wrap my towel around and scurry around the corner to the door to avoid being seen. I'm starting to feel a little dizzy from the lack of food now. After changing, I head down to the Omega lounge room down the hall. It was empty. I glanced at the clock. 6.35am, everyone will be at breakfast. I grab some bread and butter to make toast and mentally note to buy another loaf soon to replace it. I take a few minutes to find a knife, I skip the plate and pile it in my hand, then sneak back to my room. I pull my laptop to the bed and scroll mindlessly while stuffing my face. My phone pings a few times. Ryan and Grace sent a few 'you still alive' texts. I reply a generic 'yeah, just resting' and settle on a terrible werewolf movie to watch. I mean, humans aren't that far off with the CGI shifting and werewolf shapes, but they make them look so huge and always add that cheesy horror background music. I chuckle at the scene where a human gets ripped apart, it's so fake it's ridiculous, intestines are tougher material to chew than everyone thinks, and the blood just does not squirt like that. Wolfy adds a few comments about the fur and teeth that make me giggle. The movie doesn't last very long but it did the job of distracting me a little.

Wolfy, are we so different from each other?

She ponders for a while before replying

We are one the same Remy, we share a body. We share the emotions and needs of each other.

But, we don't... is that normal?

I feel what you feel, even when you don't know how you feel. I am a wolf, you are a human. Together we make one being.

I chew on the information for a while. Until wolfy huffs at me.

You're not using me to distract us from the issue, Remy. I want my mate. You want our mate, he ignored our bond. He knows it's there. We feel the pain, I feel your pain, even when you're trying to distract yourself.

We are not one wolfy. Only our bond matters. I'm sorry I didn't pay enough attention. I'm sorry we drifted. Is there any chance to mend us?

A single tear rolls down my cheek. I feel wolfy's pang of sadness along with my own.

We can work on it.

You need to learn not to push your emotions away. I am the part of you that you push aside. I don't like being pushed.

Wolfy pouts.

Maybe a few more runs would help?

I snort. Of course wolfy only thinks about running free. If she had it her way, we would be living outside like a real wolf.

Not a bad plan.

Get lost in your dreams.

I yawn and stretch again. Looking at my watch it's nearly lunchtime. I mind link Ryan to see what he's doing.

Speaking of the devil. We were just placing bets on whether you would turn up for lunch. Amal bet a tenner you wouldn't. I know you better haha.

D*ck, I'll be there. What's the menu for today, chef? I'll eat it as long as it's not cooked by you. And i'll that that tenner too!

Halvsies? Chicken risotto. And screw you, I make a mean pizza. I'm not the one slacking off today. Hope you feel better babe.

Risotto sounds nice. I shut down my laptop and put it back on my desk. I glance at the mirror above the sink before I leave. The redness around my eyes is gone, and the puffiness could pass as oversleeping. My bags are still on the floor, open with clothes strewn around. I should probably unpack properly soon. A dress peeking out of the zip caught my eye. I remembered, it's the initiation ceremony tonight. Ugh, Grace is going to attack me from all sides to make me pretty, I inwardly groan. 20 hours of sleep isn't enough to deal with this later. I feel a sense of doom knowing that the Alpha will be there, in plain view, becoming part of his pack. I will be able to mind link the clan, he will be able to mind link me. Having his harsh voice in my head fills me with dread. I can't escape this, I need to learn how to live with it.

That's it, push our emotions aside again. That's going to make us bond better(!)

I shake wolfy's words off. If I am going to get through tonight, it needs to be on my terms.

I walk off to the hall for lunch and decided to just agree with Grace on any ideas she has about my attire for tonight. It makes her very happy and provides me with more distractions. If I'm not distracted enough, Grace will pick up on my nerves, letting Grace know about the Alpha would be the worst-case scenario. I'd rather have my eyes pecked out by crows. I'd never hear the end of it, and Grace wouldn't be able to keep that piece of juicy gossip for long. In the end, Grace convinced me to take a peek at her wardrobe and borrow a dress. I don't understand why a simple one isn't good enough if we are going to strip to shift under the moon anyway. We fight a little over the ease of undressing. Lots of lace, ribbon and buttons are too slow for stripping down. Grace taps her chin thoughtfully. "I never thought about that, Remy. Huh, that takes my option for tonight out... I had better grab Leon again...". We settled on a simple lilac long dress with a thigh high slit and spaghetti straps. It's the beginning of October now so there's a slight chill. I picked a white cardigan to match. "Do you have white heels Remy?" Grace asked, arching her brow accusingly. "No i don't. But you do" I giggle. I grab a pair of white court shoes with a small heel out. Good thing we are the same foot size. Grace sighs "Why is it whenever we go out you borrow a dress. Can you not get your own?". I pout, "Why get more if you already have plenty?". I nudge Grace. "I'm joking, we can go shopping together, okay? I need help to buy clothes that suit me. Jeans and t-shirts are much easier for fitting.". Grace agrees and sets me down at her desk. Bags and trays are arranged neatly along the back and sides. Almost like a professional beauty artist. I close my eyes and prepare for the attack. "Now, let's get you organized. Your face is a blank canvas, and I'm going to turn you into my masterpiece. Let's see if we can't find you a man.".