Forgive and Let Go (Completed)

Why (8 years ago)

It has been almost a month since JP and I had s*x. To go ahead and answer your question that I know you are thinking, No I did not get pregnant. Thank god. JP freaked out that night and he hasn't touched me since. It's hard to even get him to stay in the same room as me for more than 5 minutes. Even though we were both caught up in the moment, he blames me. He blames me for calling him into the bathroom and the two of us ending up in my bedroom. I wish I could go back in time and just erase everything that happened that night. Mainly the part where I lost my virginity. Becca was beyond disappointed in me, but we are ok now.

So that leads to now. I am currently sitting on the couch drinking a beer and watching transformers. JP had yet to get home. Which was nothing new lately. He would stay out as late as possible just so we wouldn't have to see each other. Little did he know I was up and waiting on him. It was time we had a talk and stopped walking on eggshells around the house when we were near each other.

I hear his car pull up. I look down at my phone to see that it is 10:35. He is here a little earlier than normal.

JP unlocks the door and quietly pushes the door open. He shuts it back and turns around. His eyes automatically connect with mine. He is quick to look away though as he tries to hurry down the hall.

"JP. Stop."

He stops but doesn't move.

"I think it's time we have a talk. You have been ignoring me long enough."

I can see his jaw tighten from where I am sitting.

"What do you want from me, Olivia?"

"I don't want anything from you, Johnathan. I just want for us to sit down and talk about what happened. We made a mistake. We lucked up. I'm not pregnant. I just want to know why you are still acting like this."

"You want to know why? Really? I didn't think I'd actually have to tell you why. You know what I have going on." He turns and faces me. He's angry.

"I know you have Maggie to worry about. I know you want your daughter. I know it all. Just a month ago you were ready to talk to your lawyer about having some kind of relationship with me." I see him look up in surprise. "Yeah, I know all about that. I don't understand why all of a sudden you are acting like this towards me."

"Damn it, Olivia. Not everything is about you. Stop making it about you. If I had someone where else to go right now, I would. But I stay gone as late as I can before I have to come here at night and possibly bump into you. I am doing everything I can to not see you. Seeing you pisses me off more and more every day. Seeing you is a reminder of what could have happened. I have no control when it comes to you. And that is not a good thing. So, please, just stop. I can't think straight when we are around each other. I have too much going on right now to get caught up on you."

I could feel my mouth gape open, so I pull my lips together in a straight line. I have no idea what to say now. I'm beginning to think that maybe I should take a break from school and go back to my hometown for a little while. It's been on my mind a lot lately. Not just because of JP. But also because of the panic attacks and I just need to get away. I can still work my work-from-home job at my parent's home. JPs last words just clarified what I needed to do.

"Ok. Once again I was stupid to think that you and I could be friends. You know maybe one day I will learn my lesson. I am moving out. It's been on my mind for a while now, but I kept talking myself out of it because I've grown to like it here over the past 2 years. Now that I know how you feel, I know what I need to do. I'll be back at some point, I think. But you can take over the rental contract here. I've already talked to Jeff. He is ok with that. Plus if you do get your daughter, she will have somewhere to come and be with you. I'm sorry I made you not want to be around me."

By the time I finish, I have tears running down my cheeks. I let myself fall for him once again. It isn't his fault this time though. Two years wasn't long enough from being away from him to not feel for him anymore. This time I need to stay away longer. It would be ideal to never have to see him again, but I know one day our paths will cross again.

"No, this is your place. You were here first, just give me a couple of weeks to find something and I'll be out of here."

"The decision has already been made. I'll be gone by the time you get home tomorrow from work, so no need in staying out late." I stand up grabbing my beer and phone. I walk over to JP and stop.

He looks down at me. I can see the hurt in his eyes just as much as I feel it.

Standing up on my tippy toes I kiss him on the cheek. "I really do hope you get everything you want."

Turning around I walk down the hallway and into my room. I close the door behind me and slide down the door to the floor where I really begin crying. This is not how I expected the night to go but it was for the best. No matter how I feel about JP he will always be the boy who broke me. If he wouldn't have cheated on me with Maggie, we would have been together since then, I feel, but that one thing ruined it all. And no matter what Maggie will always be a part of JPs life.

I know it's late but I call my mom anyway.

"Hello" she answers

"Hey, mom. You weren't sleeping were you?" I sniffle.

"No, what's wrong honey?"

Why did she have to ask? I start crying all over again.

"Olivia, are you ok? " She asks again.

I clear my throat and try to control my tears.

"Yeah, umm.. I'm going to take a break from school and come home for a little while if that's ok with you and dad. I just need to get away from here."

"Of course. Your room is still your room. When will you be coming? I'm packing up what I need and I'll be there by tomorrow night. I'll let you know when I'm leaving here."

"Please, be careful. You don't even sound like your normal self."

"Honestly, I don't even know who the normal me is anymore. Thank you, mom. I love you"

"I love you, sweetheart." I hand up the phone after that.

I know I should tell Becca what I'm doing, but I know she will try to talk me out of this and I don't want to be talked out of it. I am going back home and that's final. What comes next, who knows? But I do know that I am going to clear my head and get myself back to the person I used to be. The person I was before Jonathan Price came into my life.