Forgive and Let Go (Completed)

Thank you (8 years ago)

I could hear Austin groaning as JP yelled at him and then I heard the front door slam. I knew JP had kicked him out. I then heard JP in my kitchen moving dishes around and cleaning up.

After changing out of the shorts I had on and putting on a pair of baggy jogging pants I go back into the kitchen. I stand back and watch as JP washes my dishes. I couldn't help but chuckle as he cursed when he wet the front of his shirt by accident. Of course, he heard me and cut the water off before turning around to look at me.

"You could have stayed in your room, you know? I would have found you when I was done with your kitchen. The food is not good though. It all burned."

"I know. I figured I would come to help you clean up. Thank you by the way. I don't know what would have happened if you wouldn't have come in when you did."

"It was no problem at all. I'm glad I got here when I did. I wanted to kill him."

"I'm glad you didn't. I would hope you have McKayla in mind every time you have to make a decision that could cost you everything."

"I do. I would never do anything that would jeopardize me having her a part of my life."

"Good" I gave him a little smile.

"So, what would you like for dinner? I can go grab something."

"No!" I said a little too loudly. He raised his eyebrow at me. "I mean no, please don't leave. We can just call and order Chinese food. They will deliver it here."

"Ok. Well you call them while I get everything in here cleaned up. You remember what I like?"

"Lo mein with general sou chicken, right?"

"You got it. Let them know I will pay when they get here."

"I can pay for it."

"Liv, I got this. Let me pay, please."

I gave in and went into the living room to call and place the order.

After I ordered, JP came into the living room to sit with me.

"You ready to go over these house rules?" JP looks over at me.

I had forgotten about that. That was the entire reason he was here right now.

"Honestly, there is only one rule. It actually applies to both of us while we are sharing this place."

"Ok, what's that?"

"We are not allowed to bring anyone home at night. I won't bring any guys here and you don't bring any girls."

"No problem at all. I'm not looking for any hook ups. Believe it or not I haven't had s*x since McKayla was born. Not even with Maggie."

I look at him. Shock is clearly shown all over my face as JP laughs.

"I know, it's hard to believe. But like I said I don't want anything in my life that could cost me McKayla."

"Wow. I'm proud of you. You have grown up after all."

"I guess that's what happens when you have a child."

"Guess so. Do you have any plans for the rest of the night?"

"Nope. I didn't know how long things would take over here so I didn't make any plans."

"Would you be interested in watching a movie? You can stay if you want to. Your bedroom already has a bed in there. I can grab you some sheets and a cover."

I honestly did not want to be left alone incase Austin decides to come back around.

"Sure. You pick the movie. I'm going to run outside and grab a pair of gym shorts and another shirt so I can be more comfortable." He says getting up to go outside.

I nod as I get up to go over to my DVD collection. Scanning through the movies I decide on Pearl Harbor. Pearl Harbor has always been in my top 5 of war movies. As soon as JP walks back inside, the smell of Chinese food fills my nostrils.

"Yummy. That smells amazing." I grab the DVD remote and hit pause as I follow JP and the food into the kitchen. Just as I hit the tile floor in the kitchen I fall forwards. Luckily JP had already sat the food down and had turned facing me. He reaches out quickly grabbing me so I don't hit the floor.

Looking up at him, I see that he's already looking down at me. I almost forgot to keep breathing. He grabs a strand of hair that had fallen into my face and places it behind my ear. His hand lingers on my cheek. His face begins moving closer to mine. No. No. No. This can't happen. I can't let him kiss me. My body isn't moving though. Just as his lips touch mine, his phone begins ringing. I quickly pull away and run to the hallway bathroom and lock myself inside.

What was I thinking? Why would I even let that happen? I am so stupid. I can't get involved with JP again. He can't get involved with me, he has a daughter to think about. If Maggie were to find out that he had some type of relationship with me, she would probably make sure he never saw his daughter again. I look at myself in the mirror. My eyes are a dark shade of green today. My hair is pulled up in a bun on the top of my head. My eyes are still puffy from the crying earlier.

Grabbing a wash cloth from the shelf I wet it and wash my face off. I then unlock the bathroom door and head back into the kitchen. JP had already taken the food to the living room though.

"Are you ok?" JP looks up from where he is sitting.

"I'm fine. Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"Ok, well lets start the movie." I grab my food and slide back onto the couch beside JP as he presses play on the remote.

About halfway through the movie JP turns to me.

"Do you ever watch anything that isn't romance?"

"This isn't romance. This is war."

"It is war, but it is a war romance. It isn't just war. Have you ever seen Lone Survivor?"

"I have not."

"Ok, so next time we watch a movie it will be Lone Survivor."

"I'm glad to know we can enjoy each other's company and act like adults." I look over at him.

"As I said the first time we hung out, you and I can be best friends."

"Yeah, I'm beginning to see that. You have changed and so have I."

"I'm happy to know that you are starting to see that." he bumps his shoulder into mine.

I turn so that I am facing him. I look at his lips remembering what it used to be like to kiss him. I remember all the good times we had before he decided to cheat on me. If it wasn't for him cheating on me, I do believe the two of us would have gone along away. We would probably be together now. But there is no use in drowning myself with all the memories from the past. The two of us could never be more than friends now. He has too much going for him. I would never step into his life and screw everything up for him.

"Why are you staring at me?" JP looks over at me.

"Just thinking. Thank you again for tonight."

"It was really no problem. Can I ask you a question though?"

"Sure."

"Did you and Austin ever have s*x?"

Feeling my face turn red, I look everywhere but at him.

"No, we didn't. I'm still a virgin. Austin and I fooled around like you and I used to do but it never went any further. I could never get that comfortable with Austin." I look over at him to see him giving me that same look he gave me the day I admitted to him that I was a virgin. "You want to know a secret?"

JP raised his eyebrows, "Sure, if you want to tell me."

"Austin and I have been together for a little under 8 months. When I first met him a little over a year ago, my first thought of him was he reminded me so much of you. I honestly think that was my main reason for being with him. The only difference between the two of you is the fact that he didn't make me feel the way you did. You used to make me feel all warm and giggly inside. Austin on the other hand only made me feel... yucky. I guess that is the best way to describe it. I think the only reason I stayed with him for so long is that he got me that job at the nightclub. The money was great and I didn't want to end things and then make them awkward between the two of us. But in the end, he ruined that for me."

"I used to make you feel all warm and giggly inside? Liv, I know I still make you feel that way." JP moves closer to me putting his hand on my thigh.

Of course, he still makes me feel that way. But once again those feelings do not matter. McKayla matters, and that's it. I grab his hand and move it off of my thigh.

"It doesn't matter how you make me feel, JP. You and I can not get involved that way. Maggie would never let you around McKayla if she were to find out something was going on between the two of us. I can't let that happen. McKayla deserves a dad in her life. I'm not sure how Maggie is to her, but I do remember Maggie could be a bitch."

JP frowns but nods in agreement. "Yeah, I know you're right. We are just stuck in a situation where no matter how you feel about me and how I feel about you, we can't just act on it."

I nod and then turn back towards the movie. "Let's finish the movie."

"Ok"

That is all I remember before the darkness consumes me. 

The next morning I wake up and feel something heavy across my waist. I turn just a little to realize that JP and I had fallen asleep on the couch at some point. He was laid behind me with his arm thrown over me pulling me close to him. He looked so peaceful sleeping.

"If only things were different," I whispered to myself and no one. I turned back around completely and snuggled into his arm. I fell back asleep in no time. I felt comfortable for the first time in a long time. Too bad things couldn't always be like this.