He Is Mine

Where are you?

1.

I saw Dita at school again.

But since then, there's been no movement from Dita related to me. Even the day before my birthday, Dita seemed to be acting normally.

I wondered if Dita was embarrassed by the incident with the classroom divider falling. Or maybe she just didn't want to be with me anymore.

Or what? I don't know! I don't know! And I don't even know why it made me so sad!

2.

Even though I don't celebrate my birthday, many of my friends gave me gifts, including Nandan.

Nandan gave me a large stuffed panda. It was wrapped in plastic with a red ribbon tied around the end.

Nandan gave it to me in class during break:

"Happy birthday, Aura. Long life, huh?" he said. "A doll, what's it for?"

"What's it for?" I asked back.

I smiled. Nandan smiled.

"So you can hug it when you sleep."

"He he he."

Maybe he was joking, or maybe he was serious, but one thing's for sure, when Nandan said that, my friends in class shouted:

"That's great!!!"

"Rocks and rolls!!"

What, shhh. It's just normal!

Just a panda as a gift; if you have the money, anyone can buy one. Hugging a stuffed toy, whether it's a panda, a monkey, an ant, or a germ, how can I feel as if I'm hugging the person who gave it? Maybe some can, but not me, unless the doll was handmade.

And Beni came to Bandung on purpose to celebrate my birthday. He came home at 11:00 at night, along with four of his friends: Adhit, Bram, Lilo, and Ical.

At exactly 12:00 AM, Beni wished me a happy birthday and gave me a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Colorful and fragrant.

"They're flowers of love," he said, kissing my forehead. He also brought a birthday cake, which we enjoyed in the living room, after a cream-smearing war. Cliché, huh? Yes!

Beni returned to Jakarta an hour later.

What about Dita?

That day, she didn't wish me a happy birthday. I was suspicious, maybe Dita didn't know my birthday.

What? She said she'd find out soon?

Lie!

I was sure Dita would call me at exactly 12:00 AM to be the first to wish me a happy birthday. But she didn't.

I was confused, should I be disappointed or not?

If I was disappointed, who was I to her? If I wasn't disappointed, I'd still be waiting for her to say something.

I fell asleep in a wave of empty feelings.

Yes, maybe he's hanging out with his friends and having fun.

I was sad in my bed and crying while looking at the clock on the wall in my room. I was disappointed, even though he was the one I had hoped for all this time.

But it's okay with me, because I know he's not who I am.

Yes, I act normal in front of myself, even though in my heart I'm very disappointed.

In tomorrow, hopefully a miracle will come to me.