He Is Mine

He Is My dita

1.

On Monday, amidst the rows of students taking part in the ceremony, I hoped no one would notice that my eyes were secretly searching for him, even though I didn't know why I was looking. Maybe I just wanted to see him. Nothing more. That was okay, right?

But by the time the flag ceremony was almost over, I couldn't find that person, that fortune teller. Where was he? My heart asked. Could he be off school? I didn't know.

Ah, why should I think about it! Who was he?

2.

A teacher suddenly gave a command over the loudspeaker for all the students to stay in line.

I looked forward, curious to see what it was all about, but that's when I saw him.

The fortune teller was there, standing at the front, facing us, with two of his friends.

He was standing there because the guidance teacher had brought him, after he had found him from his hiding place to avoid participating in the flag ceremony.

He and his two friends were called PKI by the guidance teacher. I don't understand how someone would be called PKI just because they didn't participate in the flag ceremony. I don't know.

There, where he stood, I was sure he was aware that someone was staring at him amidst the ranks of ceremony participants—me.

Or not?

But one thing was for sure, like the others, I was also watching him from afar with feelings I couldn't quite understand.

"Him again!" Revi whispered, as if to himself.

Revi is a classmate standing next to me.

"Who is she?" I asked Revi.

"Dita."

"Oh."

That was the day, the day I learned his name.

Rani said, in class, after the flag ceremony, that Dita was a second-year Physics 1 student and a member of a famous motorcycle gang in Bandung. His position was Commander in Chief.

Oh, yes, yes, I often saw his name written on the walls with spray paint. Oh, so it was him!

I was really scared. At that time, I thought Dita must be very naughty and maybe even evil. Although I was sure he wasn't what I thought.

Besides, if he really was, why should I be afraid? After all, whoever he was, my father was a soldier, ready to shoot him if necessary.

But I had to stay away from him. I couldn't let him do anything that would get me in trouble. I didn't want to waste my time getting to know such a naughty kid any better.

Anyway, starting tomorrow, I had to be on guard in case he tried to approach me. And there's no need to pay too much attention to anything he does to me, if it's part of his approach.

I don't mean to be rude to him, but I know it's necessary.

If he wants to be my boyfriend, let's just say so, I'm sure he'll feel inferior once he finds out who Beni is. He should back off rather than be disappointed by unrequited love.

3.

After school, the weather was overcast, I went home with my friends. Dita followed me on her motorcycle. I was immediately sure she was going to invite me home with her.

She didn't, even though I had prepared various excuses to decline.

"Are you taking the public transportation home?" she asked.

I answered with a slightly sullen nod.

That should have been enough to let her know I didn't want to be bothered.

It was strange, usually I'm cheerful, but for some reason that day, I felt like my judgment had changed.

"I'm coming with..." she said, riding the motorcycle, which she deliberately slowed down to be level with me.

"With what?" I asked without looking at her, but the corner of my eye tried to glance at her. I just wanted to be alert.

"Take the public transportation," she replied.

"No need," I said, glancing at her briefly.

"People use public transportation."

"You ride a motorcycle, right?"

"Later, my friend will bring my motorbike."

"Eh?"

Then, he left. Not long after, he came again with a little run.

I didn't want to know where his motorcycle was kept. It wasn't my business, not even if it was lost.

In the minibus, he sat next to me. I felt completely awkward and lost.

"This is my first day sitting with you," he whispered.

I didn't respond, because it wasn't important.

I picked up a book and started reading. Hopefully, it would help distract me from him. Hopefully, it would help him understand not to disturb someone who was reading.

But he whispered, his voice very softly, I heard him say my name:

"Aura."

I was silent. I didn't respond.

"You're beautiful," he said, in a low voice, without looking at me.

Huh?

I was shocked. Seriously, I almost couldn't believe he would say that.

I was at a loss for what to do and tried to make sure

that my friends in the minibus didn't hear what he said. I felt embarrassed.

"Thanks," I finally answered, still reading my book, with a flat tone, without looking at him.

In a voice as soft as a whisper, I heard him say:

"But, I don't love you yet," he said. "I don't know about the afternoon."

Ugh! His voice was soft, but it felt like thunder.

I stayed silent, not wanting to respond to what he said.

"Just wait," he said.

Really, I felt like shouting right into his ear:

"What the hell are you doing?!"

But I didn't. I chose to remain silent and act distant.

He fell silent for a moment, but soon spoke again:

"I'm telling a fortune," he said. "You'll know my name soon."

Hearing him say that, by God, I wanted to tell him straight away: "You already know! No need for fortune-telling. Okay! You already know!"

But instead, the words that came out were:

"Yes."

When we arrived, I got off the minibus and was immediately shocked to find him getting off too.

I was almost worried he'd come to my house. If so, I'd do my best to stop him.

Just don't let that happen!

Thankfully, it didn't. Dilan excused himself and got back on the minibus, heading towards school. I predicted he was going there to pick up his motorcycle.

Earlier, before getting on the public transport, he had said:

"You know, all students are arrogant?"

"Why?" I asked. I felt like he was taking a dig at my attitude toward him that day.

"Who wants to come to the counseling room to see Suripto?"

"Who?"

"Just me."

"Ooh!"

I smiled, but only slightly.

4.

When he left, it was strange, and then I felt guilty for being mean to him. He must have been sad. He must have been upset. I would have felt the same way if someone had treated me the way I treated them.

When I got home, Auntie gave me a letter. It was wrapped in a purple envelope.

It was from Beni!

I read Beni's letter, constantly thinking about Dita, who was probably disappointed by my attitude today.

What's wrong with him, Aura? Why are you like this today, when just yesterday you were smiling at him and a little cheered up by the invitation letter he gave you?

Sorry.

I kept Beni's letter, full of those dreamy words about love and longing.

Beautiful words plagiarized from Kahlil Gibran's books and poems he took from teen magazines without citing the source so I would think they were his own. He thought I'd never read those poems and words before.

Ah, Beni is so uninteresting! I mean, maybe I'm bored with Beni being the same old guy. Monotonous and ordinary!

5.

My aunt knocked on the door, calling me, telling me to eat. I left the room, my mind starting to get confused with thoughts of what Dita had said in the public transport:

“Aura, you're beautiful. But I don't love you yet. I don't know about the afternoon. Just wait."

Those strange words stuck in my head until that night, making me laugh alone in my room and scream internally, as if I were deliberately directing them at Dita:

"Do you want to love me, or not? Listen, hey, you're Dita. Whatever! That's your business! Do I even care!?"

After Isha prayers, I got a call from Beni. He spoke for a long time. Or was it just a short time? But it felt like a very long time to me.

And Beni said he was going to Bandung next week.

"Are you happy?" Beni asked if I'd be happy if he came to Bandung to see me.

I said, "Yes."

Indeed, I should be happy, Beni. Okay, then. Okay, I'll try to be happy. God willing. Pray for me.

6.

It was Tuesday, and I received a letter from Dilan. I don't know how he managed to get it to Rani.

The letter was short:

"Notice: Since yesterday afternoon, I've been loving you - Dita!"

I gasped as I read it. Then, I quickly closed the letter.

I felt embarrassed, and I hoped Rani hadn't read it. But I guess she hadn't, because the letter was in a sealed envelope.

I was just worried that people would know what it said. So I quickly stuffed it into my bag, as if I could cram it as deep as possible.

She, I thought, had to take responsibility that day for disrupting my concentration on studying.