The Climb Back to Your Heart

Chapter 5

Kiefer was awoken by the knock on the door. "Master Kiefer, dinner is ready"

"Ugh, if only I could vanish from the face of the world," Kiefer whispered to himself. He jumped out of bed, took a shower, dressed himself and stepped out of the room. Kiefer was escorted by a maid to the dinning table. Hamish was already there waiting for him. "How was your nap?" Hamish asked without eye contact, "It was enough," Kiefer answered with a forced smile plastered on to his face. Delicious meals were served on the table and Hamish started to dig in to it. Kiefer on the other hand, wanted to talk.

Hamish was digging on to his food when he noticed Kiefer's glances, "Do you have something to say?" Kiefer placed his spoon and fork to the side, "Can you tell me about yourself?" "I can't can you?" Hamish answered without any eye contact again, it seemed that Hamish can only be sweet like honey at s*x, but uninterested when casually talking and it pains Kiefer. "Well, I'm a student at the University. I study BS Ed Major in English. I like playing computer games, specifically rhythm games and Minecraft. I like art, it is my passion, I wanted to pursue it but-" Kiefer paused for a few seconds. He assumed that it's nonsense since Hamish isn't listening. "But?" To Kiefer's surprise, Hamish seem to be interested to hear the continuation, "But, I doubt my art skills. I would really love to have a gallery of my own and just... Just... Just paint all my life. But I know that one day, I'd lose the ability to paint, and it's also possible that painting won't be able to feed me, and that's my biggest fear. That my very own passion is going to let me down." And for that moment, Hamish looked up to Kiefer's eyes. "It's alright to doubt yourself sometimes. It's like, you're really asking yourself if you can truly do it, because if others can doubt you, why can't you doubt yourself? But on the other perspective, if others will surely doubt you, why doubt yourself? If you knew that people will bring you down, why bring yourself down? Who will bring you up? Who will believe you if you yourself doubt yourself?"

Hamish's words almost made Kiefer cry. He can't cry, crying and eating sucks. But somehow, it gave Kiefer hope for his dream, a light. And that light was coming from Hamish. No one but him.

Kiefer had never told anyone about his dreams and passion. Because he was scared that he will be judged. Judgemental words are the last words he would like to hear from Maya and Josh. But wait, they've been living with the knowledge of Kiefer being gay. And he never heard a single thing about it. The problem about Kiefer is that he is so scared of the outcome of his every move. And that is what made him take BS Ed. Because he knows that being a teacher will never let him down. But if he took Fine Arts, he might end up sitting beside those trashcan or maybe sitting beside those blind beggars in the overpass. He wouldn't want that.

Kiefer continued eating while having the urge to cry out. Hamish was so focused on his meal that he didn't even notice Kiefer's teary eyes.

Kiefer was sitting in the living room, watching T.V when his phone vibrated.

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Message from Maya (9:23)

"Hey, I haven't seen you in ages! Where are you? Lol"

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Kiefer smiled. He missed his room. Even though it is so crowded and he had noisy neighbors, everything was within reach. Yes, it was uncomfortable for him, but living in such a huge mansion is even more uncomfortable for him. He knew he doesn't belong here. But at least he knew he had Hamish, and the more he knew that he's here, the more he tries to believe that he belonges here.

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Kiefer to Maya (9:23)

"Lol, I don't think I was able to bag a man, but I was the one who was bagged. Hahahahaha!"

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Message from Maya

"Oh you gotta tell me and Josh all about him tomorrow!! I'll be going for now, see ya tomorrow! Xx"

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Kiefer felt twisting in his stomach. He was so nervous. What will he tell about Hamish? He's rich? He's handsome? Argh, what will he say? He doesn't even know a s**t about him. He was so occupied that he didn't even noticed Hamish coming towards him. "What's bothering you little kitten?" Hamish sat down beside him comfortably on the couch, "Tell me stuff about you," Kiefer answered him with a sad tone, Hamish narrowed his eyes at Kiefer and sighed, "What's there to know about me?" Hamish answered, "Anything. Anything would do. Anything about yourself." Kiefer answered desperately, "Well, I am a rich man whose wealth was inherited from my grandpa. I own a lot of businesses, I grew from being a millionaire to a billionaire." Hamish gave him quite an incomplete answer and so he tried to insist, "What abou-" Kiefer's sentence was stopped by Hamish's lips on his. Kiefer couldn't resist and so he kissed him back. "You're quite talkative, do you know that?" Hamish teased him and kissed him again. This time, deeply.

Hamish placed Kiefer on his lap and continued on their... Passionate kiss? Perhaps more like, lustful kiss. Either way, it doesn't matter to Kiefer. All that matters is that Hamish's sweet side is about to come around. More kissing happened until Hamish stood up, carrying Kiefer. A loud gasp escaped Kiefer's mouth but Hamish's lips missed his lips even for a split second. Hamish walked up to Kiefer's room and continued making out on the bed. Ah, is this it again? Kiefer's body is heating up again and he missed the tase of Hamish's sweet-salty semen. Kiefer was about to reach to Hamish's pants when Hamish withdrew himself and stood up. "It's getting late. You should sleep." Hamish told him in a very cold tone of voice. "What about you?" Kiefer asked worriedly, "I'll be in my room," Hamish answered as he shut the door behind him.

"What?" Was Kiefer's thought. Of course. Hamish wouldn't share a bed with him. Not even a room. Kiefer wanted to explode. This pain is making him feel a bit melted. He tried to curl himself into the sheets and not let out a whimper. Will things be different if Kiefer ended all this? Would things me a little happier? Kiefer just wanted to sleep it all away.

Kiefer woke up, the sun gave a clearer view of the room, and brighter view outside the window. All the bushes outside was well kept, and the gates look lavishing. His room, well decorated. The curtains gave him a 'magical fantasy world' vibe. Kiefer started to prepare for University. Just like always, he showers, brush his teeth, get dressed well, he always like to use pastel aesthetic fashion on him, and go down for breakfast.

He walked down the stairs and and went to the dining hall. He sat down on the chair and noticed that Hamish wasn't around, "Where is Hamish?" Kiefer asked the butler, "Hamish was already out for work, he usually goes out at around 6:00 am." The butler answered. Kiefer was a bit sad that he couldn't even start the morning with Hamish.

He finished his meal and the same driver escorted him to the car and drove him to the University.

"This place is a hole of loneliness" Kiefer whispered into his mind.