The Blue Moon Luna

Chapter Five: Fears & Healing

[Christian’s P.O.V.] – Blue Ridge Pack

She’ll stay. She said she would stay. Hope and happiness begin to sprout in my soul again, feelings I had been convinced had disappeared from my life forever. This tiny human woman is bringing me back to myself, to the Alpha, to the man my mother knew I could be.

“Well, that went better than could have been expected. She’s quite an extraordinary woman,” my father greets me as I re-enter the packhouse. I had asked an Omega to show Leah to a guest room to shower and get some space. I had gone for a run to clear my own head.

“She is,” I respond, a little breathless from my run. “She said she’ll stay.”

My father’s face lights up, “that’s great!”. Then it falls again, seeing the look on my face. “What is it, son? What’s troubling you so deeply?”

“She’s human…”

“Well, it certainly complicates things, but you know she will be accepted in our pack.”

I hold a hand up, interrupting my father. I am not worried about her being accepted. Most packs have discarded the outdated prejudges about human-shifter matings, and our pack is particularly open in that regard. I’m worried about something else. “How can I keep her safe?” I ask the question that’s been haunting me. How can I keep my perfect little mate safe in a world of blood, teeth, and animalistic violence?

“There is a way around that…” my father alludes to what he wanted to tell her earlier. That there is a way for her to become a shifter, the transformation. I will not allow it, though. It’s too dangerous. Noting my darkened mood, my father continues, “look, your mother was a born werewolf, and even then, she wasn’t safe; I couldn’t save her…”

“That’s what I’m worried about! Mom had a wolf, a strong wolf, and she still…” I can’t bring myself to say the words. “If we’re attacked, how do I keep Leah safe?”

“You can’t, son,” my father lays a sympathetic hand on my shoulder. I’ve never understood how he dealt with my mother’s death so well. Us shifters are supposed to fall apart when we lose out mates, but my father never did. I did. “Look, Christian, there are just some things in life that you can’t control. You can try and fight like h***, but ultimately bad things will happen.”

“It was my fault… I should have increased security. I shouldn’t have let her go off on her own. I should have…”

“Christian, please stop,” hurt laces my father’s voice. “It was no one’s fault apart from the monsters that murdered your mother. It’s on those rogues. Not on us. Please listen to me,” he looks beggingly into my eyes, pleading with me to let the guilt that has torn me apart go. “Your mother would not want this for you. She would be so happy you found your mate.”

“I know,” I sigh, trying to rub off the tension building in my temples. Every time I think I have it managed, my guilt creeps back up like a shadow that only gets darker when my life gets brighter.

“Do not ruin this for yourself. Your mate is the greatest blessing you will ever receive, and if I may say so, you got quite blessed,” my father winks at me.

“Please don’t,” I warn him not to elaborate. Leah is undeniably beautiful, she drives me crazy with just one look or a simple touch, but I do not need to have my father’s voice in my head telling me so.

My father chuckles as he walks away. Then, he turns, looking far more serious. “Christian, it’s up to you what you tell Leah, but in my honest opinion, you have nothing to worry about when it comes to her. She’s special and stronger than you give her credit for.”

I flop onto a chair and contemplate his words. Leah is strong. I don’t know her story, but she is a true survivor. I was so scared of her rejecting me that I never truly thought about what it would mean if she stayed. Both fears come from the same place; the terrifying reality that Leah might leave me.

“Christian?” Leah’s gentle voice is amplified in the silence of the foyer. I look up to see her sitting on the staircase, watching me with pity.

"How long have you been there?”

“Long enough. Do you want to talk?”

I pause to think about it for a moment. Am I ready to talk? Am I prepared to let her in, to let her know my darkest feelings, to open myself back up to the possibility of getting hurt? “I do,” I answer slowly, my mind taking a moment to catch up with my actions.

I watch Leah’s face break into a breathtaking smile, sweeping any cobwebs of doubt away. Then her stomach lets out the loudest rumble. Her face flushes that familiar rose pink. “How long has it been since you’ve eaten?” I chuckle.

“Honestly, I don’t remember,” she answers, her face falling slightly then straightening out again. She does that; she alludes to something being wrong but then covers it up.

“I’ll organize some food. Is there anything you don’t eat?”

“Nope,” Leah’s face brightens again.

“Okay,” I smile back at her genuinely. The light that radiates from her very being lights me up; it’s contagious. “I’ll order some food; then I really need to shower,” I gesture at my body covered in dirt. Her eyes darken for a moment, and then that oh-so-familiar scent reaches my nose. I knew what I was doing. I want to wait to be intimate with her, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy how her body responds to mine.

“You do that…” she says slowly, licking her lips. She quickly catches herself and darts back to her room. I can’t help but laugh at my silly mate. Goddess, waiting is going to be so hard, but I am going to do this right. I am going to make sure she is in love with me and that she knows I am in love with her. After every mistake I have made, I am getting a chance to do this right. To do the most important thing I will ever do right.

-

“Hey Leah, can I come in?” I’ve spent so long pacing outside her door that I’m afraid the food I’m holding has gone cold. It’s just dinner, I tell myself over and over.

“Yeah, come in! That smells so good,” she calls from the other side of the door. I’m surprised she can smell the well-wrapped food. She must be more wolf than she knows. I enter the room to see her sitting cross-legged on the bed, still wearing my hoodie, and then I notice she’s also wearing a pair of sweatpants that are also mine. I put the food down on a coffee table, trying to hide my grin.

“I hope you don’t mind me keeping your hoodie for a little while. It’s warmer than anything I could find in your sister’s room. Your housekeeper gave me these bottoms, but they’re a little big,” she says, jumping off the bed, and tugging at the sweatpants to prove her point.

“I can take you into town to go shopping if you would like,” I offer, opening up the containers. “I ordered Chinese food. I hope that’s okay.”

“They deliver all the way out here?” Leah plops down on the couch next to the food, expertly snapping a pair of chopsticks apart and rubbing them together to remove the splinters.

“Eh… I kinda asked someone to go pick it up. We try to avoid letting humans know we’re here,” I confess guiltily.

“Oh… what do you call your servants here?” Leah’s question stuns me.

“We don’t have servants Leah. Everyone gets paid and…”

“And is expected to drop whatever they are doing to comply to your will whatever time it is,” Leah mumbles through a mouthful of food. “I heard them complaining. They use a funny word; what is it?”

“Omega,” I answer, sitting down on the other end of the couch, staring at her in disbelief. “Do they really think they’re servants?” I’m not sure I want the answer to that question. The Omegas were always happy under my father.

“That’s what they said,” Leah shrugs her shoulders, still chowing down on her food. “They don’t sound very happy. You should be nicer to them. From what I heard, the Omegas do everything in this place.”

I’m too taken aback to answer her. My human mate, utterly unaware of our world, is here lecturing me on the treatment of Omegas. She is going to be a great Luna. “They do. This place would fall apart without them. I’ll talk with them and check myself.”

“Good.” Leah sets her food down, giving me a severe stare. “You’re the boss here, right?”

“The Alpha. I was, and I guess I still am. It’s complicated…”

“How do you get fired from an inherited position?

“Leah…”

“Sorry, suspended then. Whatever weird word you use.”

“Leah…” I repeat, exacerbated now. It’s not her fault; she doesn’t know. I know that. I can’t help but feel the frustration rising. I take a deep breath and decide to tell her everything. She deserves to know. “My mother was killed in an attack. It was my fault. I lost it after that.”

“Oh…” Leah sits up a little straighter. “I lost my parents. After that, I lost it too,” she confesses. Reaching across the couch, she grips my hand hard. Sparks shoot up my arm and directly into my heart from our contact. “We were on vacation. I was out with friends and thought I could find our rental house by myself, but I got lost. I didn’t want to call my parents because I wanted to prove I could handle myself, be an adult,” she pauses, chuckling darkly. “My parents died in a car crash. It was an accident, but they would never have been in that car if they hadn’t been out looking for me.”

“We were holding a mating ball. An event where we invite unmated shifters to our pack to see if they can find their mate here. Usually, we increase security for these events, but I decided to keep our normal guard roster since it had been so quiet. My youngest sister, Eliza, found her mate. She had just turned eighteen. They snuck off to the forest, as new mates do. Then the intruder alarm sounded. My mother asked to go after my sister. I was the Alpha. I had an obligation to the safety of every person there, so I let her go. She was killed as soon as she entered the forest.”

My confession felt like poison exiting my body, but I needed to expel it. Somehow, just telling Leah made me feel a bit lighter. She told me her story so I could tell her mine. I trust her.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Leah looks at me with understanding. “I know that means nothing to you, it’s just words, but it wasn’t your fault. There are some things in life we have to accept. We just don’t have control over the outcome.”

I look at her in shock, and before I can help it a dry laugh escapes me. She is now looking at me like I’m insane. “I’m sorry, Leah. Your words mean a lot to me; they really do. It’s just that my father said the same thing to me, and well… he suggested you might have been a good person to talk to about this.”

My beautiful mate’s face lights up at this. I can tell my father’s approval already means a lot to her, and it should. He is the man I have always aspired to be. Maybe one day, I’ll gain her adoration in the same way. We eat in silence for a little longer until we’re both completely stuffed. I’ll admit I did eat extra slowly to drag out the time I have with her.

“I guess I should turn in. It’s rather late,” I finally admit to the time and stand to go.

“Christian, wait.” I turn quickly on my heel, desperate to hear her say the words. “Will you stay with me? At least until I fall asleep. I don’t want to be alone.”

“Yes, I’ll stay for as long as you need me.”