When I met you

Your Gaze

Akermísia Miller

It’s been a month since Adam and I got together. And although what we have doesn’t have an official name, I’ve never been so involved with someone in my entire life; I never even thought it was possible. We spend most of the time we can in each other’s company, and it still isn’t enough. I miss him when he pulls out of me or when he leaves my bed to buy coffee. I think about him every minute I have because I’m addicted and completely paralyzed.

These four weeks have been intense.

I keep waiting for something bad to happen. Sometimes that feeling is like holding a glass cup and imagining it could slip from your hands and shatter at any moment. It never stops haunting me. I think Adam might suddenly get tired of being with me, or find another girl who’s hotter and more interesting, or simply end up hurting me. Every time we’re together and I’m numb with happiness, I think about how long it will take before it’s taken away from me, before the best thing that’s ever happened to me turns into the worst.

But it never happens. Adam shows that he’s jealous and likes keeping me close, but he has never crossed the line. He makes me feel sexy, keeps my heart on the edge, and makes everything more vibrant and intense. Adam Melchior is the embodiment of my delight.

I know, it sounds ridiculous. But it is what it is. My heart became his the second we met.

Lívia decided to continue with the pregnancy because, according to her, abortion wasn’t an option she could go through with. Even though she believed it was a valid right for every woman, I knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep at night carrying the burden of that decision. Her parents were shocked, horrified, and bewildered, and all those feelings intensified because Liv had gotten pregnant by a guy she wasn’t officially in a relationship with. From what my friend told me, Leonardo remained very firm. He stayed by her side and behaved honorably throughout the entire conversation. But when Lívia’s parents suggested a rushed marriage to avoid scandal and a bastard child, Coleman completely fell apart. I couldn’t blame him. Who wouldn’t?

They haven’t spoken since then. I think he’s too afraid that Liv will pressure him into taking responsibility for her, and for that reason he’s been keeping as much distance as possible. Her belly still wasn’t noticeable except for a small, adorable bump, and I’ve been trying to support her as much as I can. Cassie has been helping too, taking Liv to appointments and out of the house. We take turns dragging her out of her room and finding anything that might distract her from reality: a college degree she still needs to finish, a disappointed family she hasn’t visited again, and the father of her child who remains completely detached from any kind of affection.

Leo tried to pay for medications and appointments and said he could help her if she wanted, but Lívia didn’t want his pity. What she truly needed, Coleman couldn’t give her.

Liv threw herself face down onto the bed, burying her head in her arms.

— Come on, Liv. — Cassie insisted, sitting on the edge of the bed and touching her feet. — You need to eat this. You’ve lost weight when you should be gaining it.

— Do you want to end up like Bella in Breaking Dawn when she was pregnant? — I sat beside her on the bed with a bucket of popcorn in my hands. Cass and I were sharing that tub of buttered popcorn, but Lívia had to drink her vitamin-packed juice and eat a dinner full of protein, carbs, and vegetables.

— I’m not hungry. — she grumbled. — My life sucks, and today a pair of my jeans wouldn’t button up!

— You’re not fat. — Cass argued, but Liv stubbornly kept her face buried in the pillow.

We were in Cass’s room. She lived in a house with other girls, but the advantage was having a room all to herself. We did this whenever possible: food, movies, and an attempt to make Liv feel normal.

— I feel awful for making you waste your time. It’s Friday night. Akermísia could be sleeping with her hot popular boyfriend, and Cassie could be at parties enjoying single life, but instead I’m here stopping you from living.

— Actually, I don’t even like parties or single life. — Cass muttered, stealing popcorn from my hands. — I work from Monday to Saturday, and then I have college. I don’t have time for a social life. When I’m not with you two, all I can think about is sleeping… and I’m always tired and sleepy.

— And I already had s*x earlier today. — I shrugged, and they both rolled their eyes.

— Just because we’re in a drought, you cow. — Cass pouted, and Liv copied her. I tried not to laugh, but it was impossible.

— Are you planning on going to the party tomorrow? Adam invited you, and it’s at his house, so it’ll be pretty chill. — I didn’t want to turn around and look at my friend after asking something so direct and abrupt, but I also couldn’t stop myself from asking. — I know Leo will be there, but you’re going to have to face him sooner or later. He’s the father of your baby, Liv.

— Exactly. — My friend shrugged. She looked hurt, and although I wanted to believe it was just hormones, part of me knew it was more than that. — He’s only the father. Leonardo doesn’t want anything with me, and the little he does is for the baby, and even that is little, far too little. I’m alone…

— Sorry, I don’t want to pressure you. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. — I explained, and she took a deep breath.

— I’ll go. — she admitted. — I need to get out. Cass is going too, right?

Cassie stopped eating and looked up.

— Like I said, I’m not into parties.

— Oh, but if I’m willing to do this, then you will too. I don’t want excuses. The three of us are going, period.

I laughed quietly. Cass nodded because most of the time Lívia could be incredibly persuasive. Sherwood finally picked up her plate of food, and I pressed play on the movie.

✶

The party at Adam’s house is to celebrate the football team’s victories this season. He’s not usually that accommodating, but he insisted on making his mansion available to the team. Basically, I know his father won’t allow him to play professionally, but it’s obvious from the shine in his eyes that he loves it and everything connected to that dream. It was difficult to see Adam genuinely happy, but those moments always happened when he was surrounded by the team.

He talks to everyone and smiles, serves drinks, and moves around the house. I stand there like an i***t watching him, that genuine happiness filling my heart. Melchior notices me smiling from a corner and walks over. I try to hide my shameless staring by focusing on the beer bottle in my hand, but he takes it from me and wraps an arm around my waist.

— What are you staring at so much, Ísia? — Adam whispers in my ear with an amused smile.

— You. — I wrap my arms around his neck.

He laughs, showing those perfect teeth. Adam has a beautiful smile. I could look at it all day.

— You look so beautiful, unbelievably beautiful. — He slowly licks his lips, his eyes trailing down to my white blouse and then my gray mini skirt. — You know I love it when you look at me like that…

— Like what exactly?

— Like I’m someone worthy of your gaze.

— And who said you aren’t?

A sigh escapes my lips when he leans down and buries his face in my neck, his hair brushing against my cheek.

— Believe me, I’m not, Ísia. — His voice carries a melancholy I can’t identify, and he doesn’t let me dwell on it.

Melchior kisses my neck to distract me from the uneasiness hidden in his tone. Tiny waves of pleasure run through my body, stealing my focus, but he doesn’t linger long because something on the other side of the wall I’m leaning against catches his attention. He lifts his eyes, and I slowly turn with him.

A man, around forty years old, is standing there staring directly at us.

— Dad. — Adam’s voice cuts through my body. He straightens his posture, trying to compose himself, but his father continues staring at him with a look that sends chills all over me. — Sorry, I have to go talk to him…

Adam whispers, but I nod to show that I understand. His hands leave my waist as he walks toward his father, and as he does, the eyes of the Melchior magnate feel like claws raking across my entire body.