When I met you

Floodlights

Akermísia Miller

I crawled under the comforter, pulling a book on English literature from the headboard. I read an entire page without even concentrating on what it was about; it could have been a cake recipe or a scandal involving the British royal family, and I wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference. My mind was far too full.

Anxious, I got up and started organizing the room. Livia, my roommate, had gone to spend the weekend at her grandparents’ house, so I was free to clean without that little mess of hers bothering me.

By the way, going to that party with her friends had been a mistake. I only agreed to it because I had lost a bet to Liv after she got one more question right than I did on a test. Her opportunistic friends abandoned me twenty minutes after we arrived, and I was left alone surrounded by strangers. And when I finally started enjoying the playlist, some i***t decided to rub himself against me.

When I got back, I went straight into the bathroom, took off my dress, and closed the door. I stood under the shower and turned on the cold water. I could barely draw in a breath; it was genuinely freezing. But after a few moments, it became pleasant. I needed to relax. When the stream of cold water eased my emotions, I adjusted the temperature slightly. I washed my hair, used conditioner, and sat against the wall. The water was pleasantly warm, running down the glass and acting on me like a balm.

I took a moment to evaluate what had happened that day, but it was as if I could still feel his disgusting hands roaming over my body. And as if that weren’t enough, it was also in my mind. Forming paths through every thought I allowed myself to have, making me feel outside my body, outside my mind. Even regarding the boy who intervened.

I wouldn’t forget his eyes, so troubled and dark. His hair looked like golden rays, and his body—good Lord—he had to be at least six feet tall. Adam Melchior. I wasn’t oblivious. I knew exactly who he was and why everyone else did too. His family owns half the land and properties in Austin, and he is as popular as he ridiculously ought to be. Charming, a womanizer, and unattainable. So much so that nothing made me understand why he had done that.

We didn’t know each other, and yet he had intervened for me anyway. It made no sense, except for the fact that he was always getting into fights. In the end, it wasn’t that surprising that he was willing to hit someone just to let off steam. Maybe the whole incident had nothing to do with me at all. Maybe it was just about him.

It’s always like that with guys like him. It’s only about them and the king in their bellies. It didn’t matter. I would clean until I was so exhausted that all I could do was sleep and forget. A storm poured outside, the orange glow of the campus streetlights illuminating the layers of rain while part of me watched it fall. Over time, I became grateful for the noise outside. It muffled the murmurs of my thoughts about the touches that still made me hold my breath.

✶

On Monday morning, Livia arrives with a package of homemade cookies from her grandmother for breakfast. I sit on my bed, holding my steaming mug and staring into the distance while she narrates everything that happened over the weekend in great detail.

— Did you survive without me? — she asks after finishing her stories.

I take another sip of coffee.

— I did. What didn’t survive the battle was your mess. It surrendered to me one day after you left. — I cross myself dramatically. — I’m sorry.

Liv smiles, her red hair moving with the gesture.

— And the party? Was it fun? The girls said Adam Melchior started a fight. Did you see it up close?

I’m so stunned that I swallow hard against the lump forming in my throat.

— I had already left when it happened. I was tired.

I hate lying to Liv. She’s my best friend, and we’ve spent three years in college building the foundations of our lives together. She’s been a huge source of support in the city, especially with my father always away for work, something that became much more frequent after the divorce and my mother’s move to London.

I usually spend free weekends and holidays with her and her family. They’re traditional and simple, but they also have enormous hearts. Just like Livia. She’s helpful, loyal, and admirably honest. And I didn’t want to ruin the mood of her return with a miserable story. It was over, and if I kept it to myself, one day it would become nothing more than a fleeting memory.

Liv watches me carefully while nodding, taking a cookie and chewing it.

— You’re such a square.

— Well, both of us are... — I shoot back, which is actually true. Liv and I are twenty-one-year-old women with the spirits of eighty-year-old ladies. — The biggest squares at the entire University of Austin.

— But are you okay? — she asks.

I think carefully about the question. Are you okay? I used to hide from that question because I wasn’t okay.

And I’m definitely not that okay right now, either.

Bud I nod anyway. Liv stares at me in silence. Her expression is comforting, as if she actually believes me this time. She takes my hand and pulls me down until I’m lying beside her. She links our arms at the elbows, and we simply stare at the ceiling, enjoying a moment of silence in a college packed with people. I’m so glad I have her.

I’m grateful she’s so compassionate and positive.

We keep talking, and eventually, between laughs, she glances at the clock.

— Well, we’ll be the latest people there if we don’t hurry. — Her slender hands brush against her jeans to remove the cookie crumbs.

I nod, finishing my coffee and rushing to finish getting dressed so I won’t miss the first class.

✶

The day was filled with a routine I was already accustomed to: classes, meal breaks, and then extra hours working on assignments in the library.

That night, Livia dragged me out of the dorm room, claiming we were going out to dinner. That wasn’t exactly what happened.

— What happened to us being squares? — I grumble while Livia drags me toward the stadium. — I thought you liked being a square.

One thing the university prides itself on is the football team. The season had started, and I had never made a point of attending any of the games. Nothing against them. I just preferred them over there, and me over here.

What was the problem with that?

— For the love of God, Akermísia, are we really going to finish college without attending a game? Please, it’s practically blasphemy.

— You don’t even like football, Livia.

She stops in the middle of the path and places her hands on her hips.

— I know, but I want experiences, Akermísia. And unfortunately, I ended up with a friend who has even less of a social life than I do. So either we make an effort, or I’ll have to return you.

— Oh, is that possible? Because I’d love that. — I place my hands dramatically over my chest.

— Please, come on... — She waits, her eyebrows lifting as though urging me to agree. — If you don’t like it, I promise we’ll leave.

I take a deep breath. I roll my eyes. And finally nod, continuing toward the bleachers with her while carrying a bad mood prone to side effects. Minutes later, the stadium lights come on and people applaud as the players enter the field. The game begins. Time has made me cynical. Suspicious.

I’m not proud of it, but it’s who I am. And that’s what I’m thinking about when I start trying to piece together the puzzle of why we’re really here.

— Who’s the guy, Livia? — I ask. It’s obvious there’s a guy.

Livia blushes but doesn’t deny it. Her finger immediately points toward number 32, Coleman. And beside him is Melchior. Of course. I stare at him unconsciously and only realize the embarrassing scene when it’s already too late. Our eyes meet, and he immediately notices how closely I’m paying attention to him. Everything goes silent for an entire minute. Until Adam flashes me a crooked smile. Or maybe one of the dozens of other girls looking at him as well. No matter how grateful I was for what he did at the party, I refused to be just another girl smiling back at him. So I break eye contact and focus on my soda. People screamed and applauded every point he scored. Especially the girls.

And then Adam made another incredible play, and the crowd erupted into applause.

I merely rolled my eyes. But the truth was that I couldn’t take my eyes off that stupid game.

— He’s incredible.

Liv says, and I know she’s talking about Coleman. He has a beautiful smile and brown hair that falls over his forehead. He’s a little shorter than Adam and has softer, less striking features. Even so, he still earns sighs from an entire row of girls.

— You’re not one of those girls, Liv. — I warn, pointing toward the group of delirious women at the railing. — Don’t do that to our reputation.

First, she glares at me, sensing a trap. Then she notices my sincere expression. Livia grabs a piece of popcorn from the bag and raises an eyebrow.

— What reputation?

— The nonexistent reputation that’s part of our charm.

Her freckles become visible when she smiles at my comment. And then the second half begins, and Adam scores more points before it ends and the third quarter comes around. With a striking gaze that roots me to the spot. I let my head tilt down and suck in my cheeks before turning toward Livia.

— I didn’t know Melchior was on the football team.

— Oh, he isn’t. — my friend explains with satisfaction. — A group of players got into a car accident, and they were left without substitutes. Adam is kind of helping out. But you wouldn’t know it, right? He plays really well.

— Are the guys okay?

Liv furrows her brows and then clicks her tongue.

— They’re alive and fine. The problem is that they were all drunk. They ended up getting suspended.

The scoreboard shows a decisive point that makes everyone—including my friend, who had never watched a game before—jump up from the bench and scream excitedly.

I stand too.

I join everyone in applauding while looking at my best friend and laughing loudly.

How could I not laugh at that?

When I calm down a little, I see Adam beyond the dozens of lights illuminating the field, staring at me as though I were some kind of shining star.

My stomach tingled.

It always tingled.

When I met you, your gaze changed everything. I had never been seen or admired.

Not until you saw me.