Once Upon A Crown

Three

There's a game our mother plays every Sunday morning called 'disturbing my children's peaceful sleep by blasting 90's RNB on the speaker' I hate this game, and the fact that the sleep gods gave me the curse of light sleep makes going back to bed impossible. So I sit at the edge of my bed with horrible breath and untamed hair and the insufferable urge to walk right up to ma's speaker, turn it off and go back to dreamland but that's not happening. I drag myself downstairs glaring at ma, she is clutching a mop, using it as a makeshift mike and singing 'love' by Keisha Cole from the top of her lungs, it's awful. It's a mixture of screeching tires, crying cats and nails being drilled onto wood but no one can stop ma's Sunday performances, not Linda and I and certainly not the neighbors; I suspect they have bought earbuds to block out ma's Sunday performances.

"Looooovveeee" she belts the lyrics to the song, bobbing her head like one of those bobblehead toys. 

"Ma you've ruined enough songs for me. Please don't take this away too" She turns to look at me with a smile, she never lets go of the mop "Never knew what I was missing"  she continues to sing.

"Ma" I whine but my lips betray me as they form a smile, soon I'm giggling at how ma has managed to butcher the greatest song of all time. Keisha continues singing in the background when ma comes towards me and gives me a big hug "Morning bub" she taps my nose like she always does in moments like these, when she tries to make up for the time she's away, when she tries to give Linda and I some normalcy, a little glimpse of the life we had before.

"Ma we agreed to not using bub anymore"

"You'll always be my bub" she pinches my cheeks. It's almost as if she's forgotten that we came home late last night but I know she'll bring it up later, she likes catching people off guard, when they think all is forgotten, but I know better than to not run the lie over and over again in my head, look for loop holes and things that might not add up. I make a mental not to call Hazel and ask her to cover for me.

"I should have been a singer" she lies to herself as she goes back to moping the lounge floor. I like this, the familiarity of it feels like home, like a gentle summer breeze embracing me and reminding me everything is going to be okay.

"You would have made people hate music" 

She gasps and holds her chest "Bub, musically I'm up there" she lifts her hand above her head "With the Whitney Houstons and the Aretha Franklins of the world" 

I burst out laughing "Ma even midnight hides when you start to sing" 

Midnight, our cat is always secluded to the back yard during ma's horrible music insults.

"That's cause midnight knows nothing about music"

"I do, and no offense ma, but you're the worst."  

We both turn our heads to Linda who is walking down the stairs towards us. Ma is already holding her arms open for a hug  "Well your questionable music taste says you know absolutely nothing about music" she kisses Linda's cheek and pinches it.

"Ouch" she yelps

I giggle.

Midnight comes through the door, watches us for a few seconds as if she is confirming that the worst of ma's Sunday performance is over. When she is satisfied with the silence she walks past us and stretches her body before she lays on the couch. Her black fur almost looks brown underneath the flood of sunlight gushing through the windows.

"Did midnight just press her crusty paws on the wet tiles while I'm moping?" Ma scowls at midnight but the cat wins when she hisses and as a last resort ma flips her off.

"Five bucks into the swear jar" Linda and I chorus.

"Oh come on, technically I didn't swear and the swear jar is for you, not me." with that she goes back to moping the rest of lounge.

We all do our chores, careful not to do anything to trigger ma to breaking into song and at last we sit for breakfast, although it might as well be lunch.

On the table three plates with waffles topped with strawberries and syrup stare back at us begging to be eaten, my stomach growls and just when I lift the fork to my mouth ma says "So why did you two come home after midnight" 

Damn does ma not know that disturbing the consumption of waffles is a sin?

Linda tenses, body going still, I want to kick her underneath her table. Rule one of lying to ma never let your body language speak before you do.

"Hazel needed Linda's expertise on the headache inducing  art of editing" I say this with a smile, voice dripping of ease.

"I bought those phones" she points to the phones that sit next to our plates on the table "So you can call and let me know in situations like that" 

We nod, eager to say the right words "Yes, but our batteries-"

"Does Hazel not have a charger?"

Linda and I can speak without words, her face can tell me what she doesn't dare say in front of ma 'You better have a strong ass come back' I roll my eyes internally,  'Chill I got this' 

"She does but we were too busy -"

She cuts me off my lifting her index finger "Don't you ever do that again, do you know how scared I was?"

"We're sorry" Linda reaches to cup her hand. And I realize how selfish we were for not telling her were safe, and  not to worry. 

"Because you made me loose an hour of sleep waiting for you, you're grounded but not really."

"But-" we interject. She lifts her index finger again wagging it over our faces like a dangerous weapon, it might as well be.

"You will help me with a project, since you seem so passionate about helping people with projects"

"What project?"

She smiles a smile someone gives at a poker table when they reveal their last card, a winning card.

"House to house distribution of these amazing pamphlets" 

Anything but house to house distribution, for one the neighbors must hate us by now because of ma's singing, the rest of the neighborhood is filled with school mates who would get awkward the moment they recognize us... well to be fair they'd probably be happy to see Linda, but still this is the worst.

she gets up from her chair, grabs her car keys and heads for the garage as soon as she's out of view Linda says "I thought you knew what you were doing" Of course she'll blame this on me .

"You were the one that made us go to that stupid party in the first place"

"Yeah, to hang out with amazing people and help you do something other than painting, reading or watching a stupid movie" 

"Ugh please, fictional characters are much more interesting that those people and you know it" I hiss.

"Here they are" although ma's face is hidden by a big brown box, we paste fake smiles on our faces, it's the only thing holding us back from a fight. She places the box clumsily on the table, it lands with a small ooof .

"Read everything in there, make sure you know your stuff and start distributing on Monday afterschool" 

My shoulders slump in defeat. 

"Please don't make us go door to door. I don't need people giving me a bad rep for clout. "

Ma smiled sweetly again like she thought things through figuring out every move we would try to make not to do this.

"This is good rep because these pamphlets are about a fundraiser"

Linda sighs seeing we can't get out of this and there's nothing we can do but eat our cold waffles,

                                                                                     ***

It's an official tradition for Linda ma and I to put our faces masks on, pick a movie, make some popcorn and have a good time every Sunday night. We don't do that a lot lately because ma get's busy and Linda has to make more content and editing that takes hours.

"Before we start I have something to tell you" Ma's serious face makes Linda and I trade looks. What now?

"Your dad is getting married soon" 

The words float in the air for a second before they come crashing into me like a million waves. The word dad is foreign to me, it has been for two years; two years without him, without facing the wound that's been slit open since he left.

"What does that have to do with us? My voice is sharp, quick, never bursting at the seams.

"He just wanted you to meet Penelope" 

That name is the one I nailed onto the cross of my father's absence, the name that fueled and drove the separation of my parents, the name I whispered over and over again hoping it would grace me with her presence, help me see what she has that we don't. I was naïve then, tossing my father's mistakes onto Penelope like feeding wood to a fire but the my father is the one that collected the wood, sparked the flames and fed them into a blaze that burnt the light from ma's eyes, the stillness within Linda and whatever love I had for him.

We stay silent for a minute, digesting the words.

"No" Linda simply remarks.

"But-" Ma starts but she doesn't get to finish, her eyes soften and she nods with understanding, we're not ready, we're still adjusting to this world we had to build without him, he can't just come back and expect us to move on with his sick program. 

"Okay" Ma murmurs "Back to movie night" She clutches us both, making Linda I bud heads. "I love you" she plants kisses on our cheeks and we laugh, and pretend we aren't as broken as we'd seemed only two seconds ago.