Bluebonnet Days

Paris

As we are finishing up, I cannot help having the feeling of a pair of eyes trying to see into my soul. I had Mia check for me, but she said everyone was lost in conversation over there and did not notice anything weird. Dinner was over, so after cleaning up, I go to change into some shorts and my oversized Paris sweatshirt. Everyone is hanging out around the bonfire, so I decide to take a walk down by the water to the jetis for a bit. To clear my mind. I carefully walk out as far I could on the rocks without getting splashed by the waves. Then I hear,

“Can I join you?” I slowly turn around because I know that voice. It is Weston. I say “sure, they are public rocks, can’t stop you.” He just chuckles and passes me a dashing smirk. All I can think about it is guarding my heart, and wondering why he keeps coming around me. He left me! His choice! He sits right next to me and now we are both looking out into the dark horizon.

I break the awkward silence.

“Won’t your Fiancé be upset with you sitting over here with me?”

“Nah, she is passed out in the tent. Too much sun and a light weight. By the way, to clear the air, we are not engaged. I am not sure why she felt she needed to say that.”

“Weston, you don’t have to cover it up. Whatever makes you happy is what everyone wants, right? That's how it's always been!” Words came out before I could even stop myself. He now possesses an angry frown and grabs my hand. I try to pull it back, but I am not match for him,

“Samantha, can you really say that to me?” I am being honest, we are not engaged, I do not love her. I have been trying to shake her for a while now, but she keeps showing up. She also seems to be very jealous of you, which is quite amusing to watch.”

“I am so glad we can put this show on for you. But I am not jealous of her.” He turns my head to look at him and we lock eyes. Damn it!

“I know when you are lying Sam. You should know better than that.”

“Whatever Weston, think what you want. As I am not sure we still have that connection. Just go do whatever you need to do or want to do. I am going to bed and I’ll just plan on seeing you in the office when you get back next week!”

I get up and walk as quickly as I can off the rocks without falling. I make it on flat ground only to be pulled by him and pressed up against a tree.

“Sam, we need to talk”

“About what Weston? We have both been drinking and it's late. I just want to go to sleep”

“But I need to tell you everything that happened. I know I hurt you, Sam. And I have never forgiven myself for what I did to you. When I heard you were leaving I wanted nothing more than to come home and talk you out of it, but I couldn't”

“This is the conversation I am not ready for, Weston. Not here and not now! You need to let go of me. You shattered me before and I won’t let that happen again. I do not think I even want to know your stupid excuse, as I am not sure I can bear it.” I finally wiggled out from him and the tree to begin walking away again, trying to keep him from seeing me cry.

“I even went to Paris to find you and bring you home after I graduated”

I have now stopped dead in my tracks and slowly turn to look at him.

“Do not lie to me Weston Lee!”

I am now walking fast towards him. I am so hurt and angry. SLAP! My hand landed on his right cheek and you can already see it start to swell. Now my hand is burning in pain. I look at him with no remorse, and he is just astonished. Before I could turn away, he picks me up, wrapping my legs around his waist and pushes me up against the tree again. I can not even speak as my mouth has now been smothered by his. I am now crying and hitting his back with my fists wanting him to let me go. My heart can’t take this. His lips finally separated from mine and he realizes the distress that I am in. He puts me down and apologies.

“I am sorry Sam, for everything. I have missed and wanted you for so long and it's hard for me to control myself around you, to not be near you when I see you. Please give me the chance to explain and then make up your mind about me, about us.”

“There is not going to be an US, ever again,” I state gritting my teeth.

Still trying to catch my breath, I am just staring at him. My heart is aching all over again and I am unsure what else to say or do. I actually do not trust myself to stay here at this moment, so I just walk away, back to my tent, and cry myself to sleep.