Sunshine

LVI

IN the outskirts of the city lies a house with the generic red roof matching almost every houses of the distant neighboring houses. This certain part of Kahilom is mostly quiet. Especially at night. Neighbors don’t really care about each other as they are mostly busy putting together their own lives. Life is hard as it is and the ladies in the neighborhood know better. No gossiping aunties on the streets all day and night.

The lady of the house just passed away. Roughly a month ago. And the household seemed to move on from the grief already. There’s no place for grief when bills after bills and due dates after due dates have been knocking the bereaved husband down. Even with a kid who’s starting to resemble the lady bugs her father from time to time. “Where’s my mom?” You just have to tell the little lady she’s dead and that is why she can’t come back. Even if that only caused more confusions and more irritable questions. But that is fine. Kids will soon understand. It’s just that it always took kids late to understand what death is.

He wore his usual suit and tie but he took care of it a little bit extra today, extending the ironing time a little to ensure the black shiny fabric is stretched to its best with no place of crumple. His dress shoes as shiny that the sun might reflect on it. Today might be the day his entire life will change. He might take himself and his daughter out of this old house and live the best life he could ever have. And of course, he have to face this day looking good and ready. He wouldn’t want to have his luck go away.

Romualdo Costales, a small businessman who’s potential is seen by the local political family. Perhaps they need a new name to endorse as the people are now complaining. Catering to complaints gains you trust. That’s how easy people are controlled. You fool them into thinking you are giving the people what they want but you are just actually taking more and more. That’s politics is. That’s politics for people who only came for money and greed.

And that made Costales the perfect candidate. A man in grief and with greed but just doesn’t know how to water it. But a man can always be taught. Especially a man who is hungry and struggling. And it is the very same man who will grow and outgrow himself. A man who stayed starving regardless of age will always eat. A lion is still a lion. Even if how old it is.

Romualdo is about to start his political career. He is now starting to feed the budding greed inside of him. He knows it will grow. He knows it could still grow. As greed knows no limit and he wants it that way. He quite felt sorry for his woman who already went before all of these could happen but he just remembered to kiss her. Kiss that smiling face on the last picture they had complete. After that he carried his daughter. Also dress to nines like him and went out.

The destination of today’s campaign is the orphanage. And that is why Stephanie can join him today. Romualdo felt it is kind of destined. The world must have wanted to let his daughter see the yet most shining moment of him. He kissed his daughter’s head once again before going inside the car his political party sent.

And Stephanie must be there too to give him some kind of lucky charm.

Among the kids on the orphanage his aloof kid chose to “play” with this certain little girl. This little girl’s eyes shined of that shine that is just getting familiar to him. The little girl deprived of everything even a home and parents had eyes that sparkled of desire over lights and glamour. This kid needs to be watched. Watched to see if this desire will turn to greed.

And so he did.

TODAY is Juan Valencia’s day off. Day offs don’t really mean to him that much. The rest day doesn’t excite him and make him look forward to like most people since he doesn’t really have any ideal way to rest. He doesn’t have anything to do on day offs. That’s why it’s just any other ordinary day.

But today is different. And it looks like it will be different for the rest of his day offs. It looks like a visit was just added for him to do on this day. It seems like he already have somewhere to go on day offs. But this visit doesn’t really excite him. And if the heavens allows he won’t want this to go on forever. But he will surely meet the person every day offs. But just not in this place. And just not like this.

“Inmate No. 9876!”

Juan stood up as he heard those numbers. He was guided on a small room. In it are two chairs facing each other. Metal railings separates them. Juan took the chair on his side. Not long after Olivia sat on the other side.

“You came?” Olivia greets. Juan nodded.

“It’s my day off. I’m seeing you every day offs.”

That made Olivia smile a little. But she is really happy inside. She still haven’t admitted it but she really missed the man staring back at her now. She really missed her brother figure ever since they parted ways. And she missed him more everytime she has to tie her hair. But they don’t really have to be left unsaid.

“I really missed you.” Olivia mumbled. It was words that felt too good when said that her eyes glistened and made her say it more. “I really, really missed you.”

“Me too, Olivia.” And Juan felt the same. He swallowed as he saw the moisture slowly fill the eyes of the woman in front of him. “I’ll visit more. I promise.”

Juan wanted to say they’ll meet outside. That this will be the first and last they will meet behind these nasty bars and that they’ll now be together outside. Spending time with each other to make up of the lost time. But he didn’t want to lie. He knows he couldn’t make that happen no matter how much he tries. And Olivia had heard enough apologies. She already had enough. But Juan still have a promise that he could make that won’t make him apologize later on. And he said those full of conviction and hope.

“I’ll do everything I can. I’ll do everything I can.”

But that only made Olivia shake her head. Her smile is still there and her eyes still watered. He wanted to wipe those so bad if only not for the bars between them. “You don’t need to, kuya.”

“But―”

Juan got hushed when Olivia finally start crying. Her tears are rolling on her face after another. But she did not sobbed. Even if her eyes rained already but she still smiled. The sight almost cost Juan his sanity. He almost wanted to kill himself.

“Thank you for your love. And I love you too. But don’t do anything for me anymore. Don’t do anything for me that will cost you anymore. I’m not telling you to stop loving me. But I’m telling you to stop sacrificing just for that love.”

Olivia used the back of her hands to wipe away her tears. But it didn’t helped with her vision. There’s just so much tears seeping out of her now. She almost thought her tears already dried. She thought it already dried after she cried so much when Alex ran out crying just like her. But then she remembered she never really cried all her life. She has enough tears to cry for her lifetime.

“That sacrificial love. Let me do it this time. Let me do it for everyone and for myself this time.”

“CRIMINAL case Number 7426, People of the Philippines versus Olivia Magbanua. This court is charging Magbanua of attempted murder of Romualdo Costales. Defendant, how do you appeal?”

“I plea guilty.”

And that was how Alex failed to understand everything again. So much happened while waiting for this day to happen, the day of the first court trial of Olivia. Inevitably Love Lingerie closed its doors. Alex lost all her senses and all her directions. She never knew how she managed to breath but she’s here. And she didn’t know how she survived not visiting Olivia though she thinks of her every second and every minute of her shitty everyday. She never visited though she’s about to lost it. Alex barely made it. She barely made it here on the court room just to witness her love plea guilty to an attempted murder case. If this goes on then the next thing she will be witnessing is this hammer the old woman sitting high in front of them take Olivia away. That f*****g piece of wooden hammer will soon take her away. Everyone babbling whatever and even those lawyers will soon take her away. Olivia will be soon taken away from her.

That thought made Alex almost berserk. Her eyes went bloodshot with fear. And that was when Olivia, who’s eyes only stayed on her clasped hands on the table search for her. It’s as if she knew Alex needs her right now. And their eyes met. On that courtroom noisy with documented statements and whispering of the onlookers where they are the only ones silent. They are the only ones who could be silent. Because their mouths are only full of shouts and curses. This world could only make them shout and curse. No words of defense. No more words of wisdom. No more cries of help because they know no one’s coming. Only curses are left.

How can the world listen to them if what they can only utter are their angers?

“Don’t do anything, Alex. Just please watch the truth unfold in front of you. They are my presents, if you could say.”

Alex got reminded of Olivia’s words before they parted ways that night on the interrogation room. Those words repeated itself the longer their eyes met. It got louder as they echoed. Alex averted her eyes.

Truth, no matter how many sides it has will always be the truth as you know it. Sure there are lies on those truths. And that was how they got separated. Truths were given because lies were present. Truths were there to clarify confusions over the made lies. Truths are there to help you differentiate it with the lies. But does she really need the truth though? Does Alex really need the truth Olivia is trying to give her? What if Alex thinks otherwise?

Truth, no matter how many sides it has will always be the truth as you know it. Alex has a truth she knows. That’s her truth. And that’s the only truth she needs.

Alex stepped out of the courtroom.

THE university that always looked the same that it sometimes makes you sick and tired of it made a special exemption today. Flowers and ribbons and garlands adorned the low stage as they covered the chipped paints of it, giving it another color and life today. Chairs that are facing the stage are also covered with cloth that matches the color of the ribbons. The auditorium surely made all the passer by take a look of it. Those who made a quick look were probably mere curious, while those who stopped and whispered a little prayer were those wishful they’ll be the next to stand on that stage.

But the flowers weren’t the most beautiful today. The students and their parents and guardians who wore the brightest smiles gave the most mesmerizing scenery. The occurrence more deserving of the spotlight than the stage. The lively and full of life auditorium got filled of smiles of students who can finally shout at the top of their lungs “At last!” while their black caps hang loosely on their heads. Everyone looked stupidly happy today. Some invaded some space while doing crazy stunts or whatever. But all goofiness and stupidity are all accepted and forgiven today. All is accepted and forgiven since it is a happy day.

And speaking of stupidity, two women sneaked out of the graduation ceremony moments after it started, barely after the opening mirror in the middle of the welcome speech. Olivia managed to convince Alex to vacate her assigned seat by saying they’ll just visit the office some other time for that sealed paper everyone is here for. And Alex was thankful for that, actually. She wasn’t in the mood for this ceremony anyway.

“My boyfriend broke up with me.”

Alex said. They are now staring at the sun going down already. In their black robes and caps they drove to the outskirts of the city, Olivia behind the steering wheel. Olivia stopped on somewhere unknown but it had a good view of the sunset. Alex thinks that’s enough.

“I don’t know why he did. But yeah we broke up.”

“That’s terrible.” Olivia said. “But today’s graduation day. You don’t have to meet him again.”

And that was true. Alex was thankful her life in Kahilom University is finally done. School is finally done. f*****g at last! And yeah, aside from that her breaking heart is truly thankful school is finally done. Alex didn’t have to risk herself with remembering all the memories she made with his boyfriend since freshmen on every corners of that campus to actually bumping into him. She’s thankful she didn’t have to go through that torture everyday. Her broken heart is relieved. What a save from an unnecessary drama.

“But what about us? Today’s graduation day.”

The sun disappeared already. Olivia’s eyes shifted from the sky to the woman in front of her. She’s obviously breaking apart.

“And so?” Olivia smiled. “Remember? We will still meet again to get our diplomas.”

“ALEX?”

Alex stopped walking. She didn’t have to turn around to recognize the voice who called for her and to realize she doesn’t really want to talk to him. And that is why her feet confused her. She’s confused why she can’t move those feet to walk away again. But she figured she was tired. She’s tired walking and that’s why she sat on the gutter and waited for Carlos to come.

“Why did you went out?”

“Fresh air.” Alex breathed, obviously lying. But Carlos only nodded and sat next to her, catching his breath.

“Right, let’s catch our breath first.”

And that was when Alex only realized she’s holding her breath. She let out a shaking exhale. Her shoulders vibrating to it. That made her bit her tongue that it almost bleed.

“Hey, Alex stop.”

Carlos pulled Alex’s shoulders shaking it lightly. But Alex shook her head. Her teeth still pressed on her tongue. She can feel her teeth sunk on it already but her still shaking body scared her more. Her mouth started to taste rusty.

“Alex, please. Stop.”

Carlos pulled Alex to an embrace. His tightening heart made him lock Alex in his arms more. Carlos hoped Alex will now stop biting her tongue. Carlos hoped Alex will now stop hurting herself. Carlos hoped Alex will now stop hurting. He prayed his embrace will help melt her pain away. Even just for today. Even just for this moment. Even just while his arms are now around her. Carlos prayed. Carlos prayed to God that he had stopped praying to since his father died that way.

God, please.

The sky started pouring. It rained hard without warning. The sudden rain soaked their bodies fast. Wetting their clothes and their already cold bodies to their frozen heart and soul. The rain hugged them as they are in each other’s arms. Hearts started beating. Souls started to realize they exist. The sudden rain opened them.

Suddenly it feels okay to cry. Suddenly it feels okay to say I’m pained and I’m hurting and I want to die. Suddenly it feels okay to lay themselves bare. Suddenly it feels okay to be just Alex Vicente and to be just Carlos Ignacio. Suddenly they were freed of all the shackles that made them pretend they are okay and well. Suddenly they were just humans. Probably like Adam and Eve. Naked and innocent and stupid. But the stupidity was a gift. It was a gift they wish could be given to them again. To the humankind even.

Thinking is exhausting. Feeling is exhausting. It’s exhausting enough it makes you wish you’re just dead. And they are at that point already. If they could agree they will now kill themselves. And if they could agree with the method then they could die together. They could jump off a cliff while hands are holding each other. They could set themselves on fire while dancing on it. They could jump on the vast ocean and drown each other mercilessly. Or given the setting now they could wait for lightning to struck them and fry them alive. And that made them realize there’s just so many ways out there to die. And they could die anytime. Anywhere. Anytime.

They pulled from each other’s embrace. Their faces wet from the mixed rain and tears looked up and met each other’s eyes. They’re now both lost. And though both Carlos and Alex aren’t sure if their eyes meant something along the line about being found but they decided it did. They decided this is what it means to be found. Just until the rain stops.

Their lips met in a kiss.