Sunshine

XXXVII

“BRILLIANT business management is just an area you are going to have to master, like it or not, if you want to get back to doing more of what you love…”

Carlos yawned. The textbook in front of him is not speaking to him anymore. He chugged down the remaining coffee on the disposable cup and packed his things and went out of the library. That’s when he knew it’s already evening.

He is not even aware of the time. But his closing eyes is telling him its bedtime regardless even if it meant sleeping on a hungry stomach. But that made him sigh. He quite felt sad he’s not even capable of taking care of himself.. He sighed again, and took his way back to his dorm.

But even in a tired state his mind never failed to wonder. Feelings of loneliness started to top the tiredness, too. As his thoughts flew he could only think of one person. He fished his phone and typed a simple good evening with a heart emoji. He sent it to the first person he might have wanted to spend this night to if he could.

How nice would it be to freely spend especially a tiring night with someone who could kiss you goodnight.

“What are you sighing about?”

The sudden opening of the dorm’s door from inside took Carlos by surprise. He didn’t even noticed he was sighing from time to time on his way home. He laughed to himself, then smiled back at the beaming face that welcomed him home.

“I didn’t expect you to be here.”

“Girlfriend duties? Anyways good evening too.”

Alex replied to the text message. She took all his bag from him and brought it inside. Carlos followed and watched her put the bags on the chair and sit in front of the table she set already, welcoming him.

“Well I welcomed myself since I wanted you to come home with dinner prepared already. Though these are only take-outs.”

Carlos’ mouth stretched more widely, all his teeth showing. “Thank you.”

He joined her on the table carrying that wide smile. Once again his dormmates are out having fun on the club nearby, leaving the dorm to the only two of them.

“What do we have here?”

“Mang inasal.” She referred to the grilled chicken from a famous restaurant. “But I can’t take-out the unli rice too so let’s just have 2 servings each.”

“That’s a shame.” Carlos joked, and together they shared their meal in laughter.

And they too shared the rest of the night with moans and I love yous.

THE busy street and fast cars continued to block his sight of the store from time to time. Unlike the fast pacing world, Carlos just stood there idly for who knows how long. He just kept watching as people come and go inside the store on the street across him.

The sun in its strong rays is heating his face. Notwithstanding the heat and sweat anymore, he crossed the street until he reached the store’s door. Carlos took a deep breath and stepped inside.

“Good morning welcome to Love Lingerie.” An employee greeted him which he just simply nodded to. His eyes roamed around the store. His eyes landed on Olivia on the far end attending to a costumer.

“How may I help you, sir?”

“I came for Magbanua.” He said, eyes now nailed on Olivia. Inside he’s contemplating whether to go on with what he came for or quickly come up with something else.

“Okay, sir. Please wait.” The female employee nodded and went to her boss. They talked for a while, and the employee changed place with Olivia and tended the costumer. Olivia on the other hand walked to him.

“Master Sergeant,”

“Ah, yes.” Carlos cleared his throat and stood straight, then took out his notepad. “I would just like to clarify something.”

He flipped through the pages of his notebook. He kept on going back to the first page as if he lost a particular page he’s looking for.

He still couldn’t make up some stupid excuse.

“Can I have a coffee perhaps?”

CARLOS had his coffee alone at the pantry. As the store is still busy, he had to wait until lunch break which did not came that long. Olivia offered to go out for lunch but Carlos politely declined, and so they ended up sharing a fast food delivery.

“So how may I help you, Master Sergeant?”

Olivia opened as they finished their lunch. For convenience they took quick lunch first before deciding to get into the much needed talk.

“I came here not as a cop.” Carlos said. Olivia nodded.

“It’s Alex, right?”

Carlos nodded. “I wanted to talk to her and that’s why I came. But she’s not here.”

“It’s been a while.” Olivia sighed, sipping her cola. “She’s not feeling well so she’s taking some days off.”

“Is she okay?”

“Of course.” Olivia nodded. “She will be back in a day or two.”

The two went quiet sipping their frizzy drink, emptying it.

“I actually wanted to talk to you about Alex, too.” Olivia said. Customers started surging in again so quickly she took a memo pad and wrote on it. She handed the written page to Carlos.

“I’ll really appreciate your help.”

CARLOS drove slowly and silently. He once again looked at the crumpled paper clutched on his hands at the steering wheel though the address written on it is on the GPS already. He is still not sure if he can actually go their even if the address was given to him voluntarily.

But then yes, he didn’t really need the address he knows where to go exactly.

But that was not the issue. Will he ever be ready to face her?

Will they be ever ready to face each other again?

Carlos took a right turn and entered the subdivision. He drove for some more until he reached the house number 3567.

“You can’t use the doorbell I’m telling you no one will open the door for you. Here use this.”

Carlos recalled what Olivia said as she gave him the keys to their home. He took those keys out of his jeans pocket and used it to let himself in. He used the other key to open the front door.

“Alex?”

Silence welcomed his first step inside the house. He found his way on the dark living room and drawn the thick curtains open. As the sun shone the entire house that’s when the existence of Alex came to him. She’s sitting still on the sofa in front of the turned off TV set.

“Alex.”

“I believe you shouldn’t be here.”

Carlos nodded. He thought he still could talk to her properly, unlike what Olivia told her.

“I know. But we can talk, right?”

Though Alex is not even giving him even a side glance.

“Then speak. You’re already here.”

Carlos stood in front of Alex then sat on the floor. That’s how they sat in front of each other, face to face.

“How are you?”

Alex scoffed. “You can’t be seriously asking that.”

“I just thought that will make you finally look at me. But really. I wanted to check on you.”

Alex did not reply. Carlos sighed and once again attempted a conversation.

“Why are you not helping at Love Lingerie anymore?”

“How much do you want to know?” There, Alex finally looked at him. But her blank stares only made Carlos choke. “Stop asking what you can’t handle.”

“Then what is it that I can’t handle, then?”

They went on staring each other for a while, Carlos trying so hard not to avert his gaze while Alex still blank.

“You’re trying to learn more when you can’t even handle what’s in front of you now.”

That made Carlos close his eyes that he’s been meaning to do. He don’t know if it’s just because of the strain from staring but a tear fell from it.

Flashbacks started coming in. In his closed eyes the memories played like an old film. Carlos choke on them. There were good memories. There were too many good memroies. And good memories can easily outnumber the sad and painful ones. But why he can only see each other’s tears and pain?

“Just tell me. What did you become after what I did to you?”

“You’re meaning to say I changed because of you?”

Those words were spoken almost nonchalantly, just like a straight-out question which answer just don’t really matter. That all taste bitter on Carlos.

“I’m sorry. I had no choice but―”

“I did not change.” Alex cut him off, her words heavy. “I’m always like this. I never changed. Is it my fault that you know me wrong?”

“I never know you wrong.”

“I didn’t change!” Alex snapped, her eyes glaring. Finally something that could be read in her eyes. “I don’t know what you did. I forgot everything about you! You don’t have an effect to me at all! You never lingered on me! You never…”

Carlos stood up and caught Alex in his arms, now hysterical in her own words and tears. He cupped her face and wiped her tears. Once again he tried reading her eyes. His eyes started to well up.

Never in his life he imagined he would have to try so hard just to know what Alex feels. He never had to try because Alex never tried to conceal it. But then this was only one of few more things he broke. The things he broke in the past tainted their present and broke their future. And that’s no brainer.

But for the first time since they met again after five years that her windows opened to him again. Carlos’ eyes flowed a river as he looked in her eyes now clear as ever.

I still could read it. I still could.

Carlos pulled Alex in a kiss.

“I love you, Alex.”