Sunshine

XLVI

THE 4AM skies started lighting up. The sky today is especially clearer because of the rain last night. For sure today’s sunrise will be as bright, who is now peeping his way on the east sky. The wind still blew cold on apartment unit 309.

Juan opened his eyes. He found himself sitting next to Olivia, breathing softly still in her deep sleep. They managed to keep the distance they had last night, around a meter apart from each other. Olivia had her knees as her pillow as she hugged it. Her face, slightly covered with her own hair is tilted towards Juan’s direction. That gave Juan freedom to stare at her.

This is the first time since they met again that he was this close to Olivia. And that there isn’t any defense that’s been putting up on her. But then this is also the first time that it felt illegal to look at her. It felt wrong that they’re facing each other without a stained table between them or a glass partition.

Juan bent his knees and rose on his feet. He stretched his sleeping legs which was because it’s been left straighten out the whole night. He groaned on the pain. That woke up Olivia.

“I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?”

Still half-awake Olivia only hmm-ed, her voice still groggy. Later on she stood up, struggling on her feet. Then she went to the windows, stretching her legs and arms. But then she stopped when she noticed the floor was wet.

“What happened? Why is there water here?”

“It rained the whole night. You didn’t notice?”

Olivia only shook her head no, handing the jacket hanging on her shoulders back to Juan. “Thanks for this, by the way.”

Juan took the jacket with a nod and wore it. Then he joined Olivia by the window. They stood shoulders from each other. It brushed from time to time. They together stared at nothing at particular, or probably at the sky but not actually paying much attention to it. Their usual comfortable silence took over them again.

Since then they never understood how their silence brought them too much comfort. And that this silence, though no words said always felt understood. It was the kind of silence one would have dreamed and wished of. Though they will still not prefer this silence over actual conversations.

From peeping the sun finally decided to show its face. They watch as it slowly rise changing the colors of the sky.

“Alex said you just disappeared? Don’t do that again. At least leave a note or whatever.”

Juan said whispering to the sky. His voice felt warm like the sun hitting their faces.

“My Dad said this apartment only sees the sunrise. Then it’s dark the whole day. Apparently this place only lights up for roughly 30 minutes, an hour at most then it’s dark for the rest of the day. Of course it’s darker at nights. Almost scary.”

But that was the answer Juan received, totally unrelated to the question. But he still listened. Attentively.

Her explanation over her own disappearances should be for the next time.

“I first met my biological Dad 8 years ago. He approached me as a reporter, that’s what he do. But we didn’t know we are actually a father-daughter to each other until he saw the only photo I have of my Mom. My Mom never told him they had a child, but he still claimed I am his. Though it could also be possible I’m of somebody else, someone very random. Because who knows, right? We can’t confirm it anymore.”

The sun rose higher now moving to the back of the apartment. Now, as Olivia said the apartment started to get dark again. 30 minutes has passed.

“I never knew what happened between my Mom and Dad. Dad never talked about her. And our relationship is not where I can just casually ask about their love story and gush over it like a teenage kid― or most likely cry over it considering that they ended long time ago. I never knew how they were like before I came to the picture. And apparently the picture where I am included doesn’t exist― it never happened. And I could not imagine it, honestly.”

Juan only stayed staring at Olivia’s face as she tells her story. It was obvious to him that this is the first time Olivia talked about it. Her eyes are distant, her lips moving with the words but not with emotions. Though Juan himself wasn’t sure what emotion her story requires now.

“It’s just because we are now at his father’s apartment, and I’m the one she’s with,” Juan managed to convince himself, when he suddenly wondered why of all people Olivia only shared this part of her life to him.

“And then he started to be a father to me. He took the role in his own accord. He tried caring for me, he tried loving me like any father to her daughter would. But his love felt like an apology. It always felt like he’s making up for his past mistakes which I never knew about. I never knew what he is sorry for. I never knew what I should forgive him for. Or is it to my Mom that he’s sorry? Whatever it is I just hope he somehow got the forgiveness he’s been asking for.”

“Why you didn’t ask?”

Olivia titled his head to Juan. Now their eyes met. That usual silence they always have in between their conversations came again.

“I don’t know? I just believe one will still get his forgiveness even if not spelled out what it is for.”

“But what if that sin is long forgotten? But then you still have to ask for forgiveness because it keeps you awake at night?”

“That’s the case for late apologies.” Olivia broke their eye contact. She’s now back staring at whatever’s outside of the window and whatever’s happening as this side of this world is starting a day again.

“But I’m very used to late apologies, Juan. And especially very used to long overdue ones.”

ANOTHER day. Another day to eat. Another day to work. Another day to breath. Another day to live. Another day. So many could unfold in a single day but the usuals rarely ceases themselves. As for the Kahilom Police Station, that usual includes briefings, crime reports, field works, police blotters, and actual chaos in the station brought by residents, both complainants and defendants quarreling with themselves, greeting the station good morning in the most awful way. But then as mentioned it’s usual. It normally happens to the point it’ll be weird if it didn’t.

A day without a crime, a day without a police blotter filed by a resident over serious matters and sometimes not is actually more scarier that crimes itself. Because that might mean it will be the end of the world tomorrow or the hour next. It’s scary to see kindness that happened overnight than watching an actual crime, as crimes could happen in a sleep but character development doesn’t. But still, there was never a day they did not wished for a peaceful day even just once. Probably just once that everyone could still feel this world is still a better place to live. Who knows that might make some choose to live.

In the middle of the “everyday” chaos someone walked in the police station, with a little effort to come in quietly. But since the newly arrived is someone they’ve been waiting to come back presence could not go unnoticed. Though there wasn’t an intention to sneak in or something, still he wished he could postpone the inevitable interrogations waiting for him for leaving like that.

“Juan. Where have you been?”

Juan stayed standing where he was, trying to put his all weight to his feet so it doesn’t move. He silently wished his feet could be nailed there so he will have a valid excuse to delay. But of course that didn’t happened.

Juan walked to his cubicle and sat on the chair like it’s the most normal thing to do.

“Where have you been? Are you not going to answer?”

Carlos went on and rode his swivel chair to Juan’s cubicle. From her own cubicle Marie just watched them quietly, as well as Captain Rivera who’s peeping his head on his office’s glass windows.

“What’s braveness for you?”

“What?” Was Carlos genuine response to an all-of-a-sudden out-of-the-blue question of Juan. Even Juan himself is blurting out his questions in hesitance.

“Is it bravery if you do something foolish for the one you love?”

“What’s gotten into you?”

Juan grew quiet. Confusion and embarrassment are now mixed across his face. It almost looked like he regretted what he asked and is now close to beating himself to it. Sighing, Carlos answered with the first words that crossed his mind and with what his tongue could spill.

“You know love was never made for sane people. It’s always the insane that falls in love. It’s always the fools that chooses to be in love. No one knows if that’s a pre-requisite. Or if it was love that created fools and insane. Either way no sane people finds themselves in love. Because they all think and love couldn’t.”

And those were words for the fools from a fool himself. In short his own words also came as a realization to Carlos. He realized those times where he talked and acted without thinking was him being a fool― if he still isn’t fully aware of his own foolishness, foolishness he can’t help but agonize over before he lets himself sleep over with.

“Did you ever wonder how fool you could become in the face of love?”

Carlos looked at his best friend in the eye. Then he gave Juan a shake of the head with a little goofy smile.

“I don’t wonder. I just see it every time I look at myself in the mirror and see the fool I’m becoming day by day. We become fools everyday. Just of different kind and of different level. And even in the days you feel like you haven’t made a mistake feels like a mistake itself. Because that might mean you did nothing the whole day.”

What a good way to say life’s hard and confusing as it is.

“Why? You finally found someone you are ready to be a fool for in the name of love?”

“Hell yeah.”

Juan gave Carlos a tap on his shoulders as he stood up. Carlos looked up at him in both confusion and amusement. He also watched as Juan sighed, and knocked his way to Captain Rivera’s office.

“C-come in.”

Juan slowly turned the knob open opening the door, continuously taking deep breaths as he go. He closed the door behind him and stood in front of Rivera in at ease position.

“I want to make a deal. Or a request.”

Juan said. He tried to sound as determined as he actually is, though he isn’t sure what this determination could do to him and where it will bring him. But he knows one thing for sure― what this determination could make him do. He knows what could he do with this raging heart that he doesn’t care about other things anymore.

May this determination bring him good result. Even if the good here could mean the worst of the most worst possible.

“Please don’t use what Magbanua submitted. I know it is of big help but I’ll try to replace it with something more conclusive, more destructive. I’ll bring you much better one. In exchange of the evidence that involves Magbanua.”

“And why is that?”

“Because those evidences destroys our witness, too. It destroys her too. And I wish to avoid that.”

“And. Why. Is. That?” Rivera repeated, now pressing all the words in that four-syllable question. In his voice he said Juan is now suggesting something absurd, something impossible, something that could actually be allowed to happen but they know they shouldn’t.

They shouldn’t, but they actually could.

“Olivia Magbanua is my sister.”