Infinite Bonds

Chapter 5

            It is the week of my 18th birthday and things have gotten completely strange in pack life for me. Not only do I have to constantly hear about how strange I am but there is a new level of fear from my pack mates. They still do not talk to me but no one including Asher do anything to torment me. Asher will not even look me in my eyes. I have to say that this gives me a whole new level of satisfaction. I tried to not attend pack exercises, but Alpha John now insists that I go every day. Someone must have reported what I did to my Nana. My Nana has lost most of her affection for me and we barely speak. Now I am completely alone the only thing that teethers me to this world is “My Love” I still do not know his name, but I do not need to know his name he is mine and I am his.

Pack Games are approaching, and Alpha John has asked me to be one of the pack representatives in the Pack Games. I should feel honored, but I know its because that beast that manifested itself. The beast that torn his son to shreds and no one in this pack can take her out. I smile a little at that thought. It feels good to know that something so magnificent is inside of me. Still I train halfheartedly. To participate in Pack Games is supposed to be the ultimate honor. Pack Games is where pack hierarchy is established. Pack Games has existed for centuries and every pack wants the honors of being on the top. My pack is not one of the richer packs, but we have some good warriors here all of whom I know I will decimate. I am very certain that this pack will never be at the top of any hierarchy. I have had to turn my mind completely off. I do not want to hear the things they are saying about me. I just want to be numb and not feel anything. All I want is to relive my waking dream for the rest of my life.

I do have my 18th birthday to look forward. I will be a fully mature wolf and I can choose to leave this god forsaken place after. I will meet my wolf and I will never be alone again. I will also get to claim my True Mate and I have no idea how I can do that. I do not even know his name. Yet the thought of bringing myself completion sustains me. My Nana is not speaking to me at all. The only knowledge that I possess are my dreams of the past and my premonitions of the future. I know that me and my “True Mate” will be together. He is the other half of me. He makes me whole. My chest swells with pride when I think of him. I get that warmth sensation in the center of my chest and once the heat begins to omit, I must take deep breaths to calm myself. The feelings that I got when we physically touched are atomic. I don’t know how or if we will survive when we are finally united. I do know with complete certainty that I will meet him, and we will claim each other that is the hope that gives me life. I just must get through these next couple of days and maybe I will get a little piece of happiness for once in my hollow life.

When I get to the kitchen after pack exercises which have become an utter bore, I see my Nana in the kitchen through the window. My heart aches a little but I push it away. When she was talking to me, I wasn’t alone. Now why do I even stay here? I know I need the packs protection until I am a full werewolf, but the emptiness of this place has me wanting to flee. The pack birthday celebration will be the Friday before we leave for Pack Games. That just happens to be the actual day of my 18th birthday. A wolfs 18th birthday is a sensational thing and the celebration is enormous. It is one of the few things that a pack invests in. Asher is also turning 18 this week and he will be part of the celebration. Talk about awkward but for him not me.

I trudge slowly up the stairs and through the door to the kitchen. I could see that my Nana was laughing at something one of the ladies in the kitchen was saying until I walked in the room. I duck my head and head to my room. My Nana calls my name.

“Fallon?” I turn slowly so I can hide the surprise on my face.

“Yes Nana” there is no warmth in my reply

“I need to speak with you.” She says this pointedly as she strolls down the hall to her room. I follow her begrudgingly. This cannot be good.

When I reach her room, she is sitting in the rocking chair by her window and she motions for me to sit on her bed. I used to find some comfort here when I spent time with my Nana. Now she feels like a stranger. She has blocks up all over her. In her mind, in her heart, and in her body. She won’t let me in, but I do not think I would want in even if she let me.

“I have something I was supposed to give you when you turn 18. I know your birthday is Friday and that you will be leaving for Pack Games on Saturday. I do not know when I will have time to give this to you before then so here you go.” Her words are void of any emotion. I hesitate when I take the picture because as much as I do not want it to her lack of emotion stings. She hands me a picture frame and I take it slowly. She has just spoken to me as if I was a migrant. Any or all the affection we used to feel for one another is gone. I can feel that she believes I am some sort of miscreation. She is holding back most of her distain to give her some credit. I do not even say thank you. I just take the picture she handed me and go to my room. I slam the door. I do not care what anyone thinks. I have taken in this rejection from everyone in this place and it has manifested from hurt to a frenzied rage. I start to control my breathing again because I can feel the beast in me wanting to come out. I want to tear this place to shreds starting with my Nana.

I close my eyes and when I open them, I look at the picture in the frame that my Nana gave me. The picture is in good condition, but it has aged. My eyes are drawn to the figures within the frame.  When I look at the picture, I see Her. The little girl from my dreams. She is not a little girl though she is a grown woman and she is exquisite. She is smiling and brilliant in her joy. In her arms is fairylike baby. Tears begin to fall down my cheeks. When I flip over the frame it says Ailith and Fallon September 12, 2002. The little girl that I have been dreaming of is my mother. I close my eyes and relish the comfort. My Mother loved me I can feel it. The love is captured for eternity in this image. I am as certain of this fact as I am of “My Love”. I was not always alone. She wanted me and she cherished me. And once a very long time ago someone else loved and wanted me. I can feel the fractures in my heart with the impact of my loss. I have never felt this loss before it was buried in the darkness of my mind. I need to find all the pieces of me so I can have some answers. I refuse to live my life empty, broken and lost. I do not know when this will happen, but I vow that I will not stop fighting until I get my answers.

I wipe the tears from my cheeks and collapse on the bed in this foreign place. I close my eyes and pray to the mother for a visit from “My Love”. I need to desperately for something to make me feel unabridged.