Trapped Together (Complete)

~ Chapter 8 - 1:03pm ~

She stared at him, her eyes round; she knew that because she had no clue what she was doing. Well, no, that’s a lie. She knew perfectly well that she wanted to kiss him, and she did. And she figured if she did that then he couldn’t stop her. And he didn’t, which spoke volumes. However, it wasn’t something that should have happened and the look in his own eyes said that. But why, was the question? She really couldn’t believe it was all Jay. She ignored pretty much everything her brother told her anyways about the guys she had been with.

She moved back to her side of the couch and grabbed her cell, surprised to see that a text had even made its way in. Out here, that was so uncommon. She opened the screen and saw the message from Jay hoping that she was okay and that Jake was with her. And that to be smart, wait out the storm, and not do anything stupid. Rachel glanced up at the bars, noticed her signal was gone, and that she couldn’t respond. Well, what would she say? It was too late to be stupid because she already was?

“Was that Jay?”

“Yeah, I’m going to assume that he sent it a while ago and it just filtered through now,” she answered, setting her phone back down. “He told me to remain here and that he hoped you were with me.” She paused and then turned to look at him. “He also told me not to do anything stupid.” Jake snickered at that as he reached his hand over to tug her back against him. This wasn’t good, she knew that! Being this close to him meant that she longed for me, wanted more, and that wasn’t smart! In fact, this was the exact opposite of what her brother told her to be.

“What’s the qualification for stupid?” he asked and she lifted her head to look at him better.

“You aren’t asking that, are you?”

“Come on Rachel, we already have stupid in our past.” And with that, she sat up to look at him, but she didn’t move away. There, he brought it up; it was time to lay this s**t on the table. Since it had happened that night, he had been more of a d**k to her and she was tired of dealing with it. He had issues, but he didn’t want to talk about them, ever, and she was done with that s**t.

“Yes, we were.” He sighed but she didn’t care. He knew her well enough and she was positive that he could pick up on the fact that she wanted to talk about it. And she f*****g was.

“We’re about to hash that night out, aren’t we?”

“I think it’s long overdue Jake. And I probably wouldn’t have such a huge issue with it if you weren’t such a d**k to me afterward, as if I did something to you!” She watched as Jake nodded, his hand brushing over her hair, and his eyes staring into hers. s**t, looking like that, she just about forgot what the hell she was asking about. She turned her head away to break his stare and he chuckled so he knew what he was doing.

“Sorry, Rachel, I couldn’t help myself. I was trying to distract you, but you’re right. We do need to talk about it because my actions thereafter haven’t been right to you.” She crossed her arms and she moved back a hair, needing room to breathe. Sometimes Jake was just too much and crowded on her senses way too well. “I felt bad about that night.”

“Why though Jake?”

“Because I felt like I took advantage of you. We weren’t drunk, and we are both adult enough now to admit that.” Yeah, to each other, they often claimed that it was a drunken stupid night, but the truth was, they were quite sober. The drink or two they had really did nothing to them.

“You can’t take advantage of something that is given freely; you’re the one who told me that, Jake.” He took her hand, rubbing his thumb along the back of it.

“Were you really giving it to me freely though? I mean you said yes, you knew what we were doing, but you were coming off a bad date, and a fight with a long-time friend. Emotionally, you weren’t in the right spot and I sought to be the comfort that you needed. My plan was never to go that far, but when you kissed me, I really did lose all train of thought, and that goes for what’s right and what’s wrong.”

“You are not taking the blame because of one lousy date, are you? I was mad, of course, but I wasn’t hurt enough to put my emotional baggage on you like that, Jake. I never saw you, that night anyway, as a means to make the day better or to make me feel better. I wanted you, plain and simple.” She stopped and looked down at their hands, thinking over what he said and what she just claimed. “Maybe it was me who took advantage of you.”

“What the hell do you mean by that? There’s no way you could have, Rachel.”

“Maybe because I wanted you, I used that day to make you think that would help me? Did you ever think about that? Maybe I pushed you and used that as an excuse? That wasn’t my first lousy date, Jake, and it wasn’t my last. I’ve never been so into my feelings that I didn’t know what I was doing or not doing.” Jake opened his mouth to say something and shut it. She had a point; she could see the agreement in his eyes. It wasn’t a statement she liked, but looking back on it now, yeah; she could see how she took advantage of him. Not that she didn’t want to sleep with him, f**k, she wanted a lot more than that, but she knew Jake and Jake wouldn’t just date her or love her, not in a million years. And that had always confused her, but no matter how many times they got close, or they shared stuff, she could never figure out what was up with that, why he pulled away when it was evident he felt something other than an annoyance for the ‘kid sister’.

“f**k, Rachel, that’s just too damn logical right now.” She laughed as she shook her head.

“So, you being a d**k was because you felt bad?”

“Amongst other things, but a good part of it.” He pulled her down to rest against his chest again and she played with his shirt.

“What other things would that be Jake?” Rachel pulled back slightly to look up at him. “Jake, what other things?” she asked again when he remained silent. He had gone way too quiet on her and she didn’t like that, this wasn’t normal, this wasn’t like the Jake she knew. “Talk to me,” she said, sitting up a bit more now.

“I really can’t, Rachel.”

“You can’t, or you won’t?” she questioned, narrowing her eyes at him. For her, there wasn’t a difference between the two but for him, that might be a whole other matter and she sure as f**k didn’t like it. “Does this have something to do with Jay?” He looked down at her and she raised a brow, expecting an answer to her question. She wasn’t letting him get off without answering, or distracting her.

“It….well…” She only raised her other brow as well, giving him a look that he knew and he sighed. “That’s not fair.”

“I don’t always play fair, you should know that. What has Jay ever told you?” She clutched the hand that was playing with her hair and looked at him, expecting an answer.

“Rachel, you know about some of my past relationships, the ones you’ve seen, but there is a lot you don’t know about.” Rachel finally fully sat up and crossed her arms. She could tell this was making him uncomfortable, and though she did hate to do it, she was done with it. They were all f*****g grown-ups, it was time to stop acting like kids and tip-toeing around s**t.

“What did Jay tell you? What could possibly be so bad that you would have to be a d**k to me after a night like that? I mean, I thought you enjoyed that night.” Jake’s eyes snapped to hers.

“I really did enjoy it, Rachel. A lot more than I should have.”

“See,” she said, pointing at him, “that s**t right there. What the f**k does that mean?” Jake sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“I was a man whore.” Rachel frowned at that. She had never seen any evidence of that, but then he said it, she didn’t know everything.

“A man w***e?”

“Big time. I slept with quite a few girls throughout high school and college. I really didn’t have too many serious relationships, didn’t want them. A lot of the time, females to me were something to be conquered, as f*****g dumb as it sounds. Especially ones who tried to think they were off limits, those who thought they couldn’t fall to charms or good looks.” Rachel just stared at him. Not that she was quite surprised by that, because she really wasn’t. Maybe it was overhearing the talks Jay had with his friends that made her desensitized to comments like that.

“Okay, and?” She just couldn’t see what this had to do with her, or Jay, or even Jake, really.

“Look, I had a horrible reputation, still not the greatest. I’m not a bad boyfriend, but I don’t have a lot of girlfriends. I’m not a good man for you, Rachel. I’ve never been a good man for you, and that’s all I can say.”

“That’s bull s**t. You can tell me more, a lot more. You can start…,” but she stopped, her eyes searching his. He wasn’t going to say anything more, for whatever reason, he wouldn’t.

“I’m sorry Rachel, that night was one of the best I have, but I’m not a good man for you, and I think we both know that.”