The Past

CHAPTER ONE

I know that will not going to happen, with family? I doubt that.

Just when I thought I could finally live happily, doon ko pa malalaman na ilang buwan niya na pala akong niloloko.

We've been together for 5 years, we just had our 1st anniversary being a husband and wife.

Alam kong katangahan ang ginawa ko. Nagawa kong magpanggap na walang alam ng ilang araw dahil gusto ko siyang makasama bago ako umalis ng tuluyan sa buhay niya.

Jane... that girl, again. Why do you have to come back now? He's finally happy with me, why do you have to ruin it again.

I suffered for 2 years because of you. I love him and I did everything I can to remove the pain you caused him, even if it means hurting myself. Making a fool out of my self. Staying in an unrequited love.

I can't stop crying, nagawa kong magpigil ng emosyon ng ilang araw sa Maldives pero ngayong nakabalik na kami, sinampal rin ako ng katotohanan na kailangan kong iwan si Michael.

Masakit, sobrang sakit pero kakayanin ko.

Ilang beses ko ng pinatunayan ang sarili ko sakanya. Ilang beses na akong nagpakatanga, siguro ngayon na ang tamang oras para itigil ang kahibangan ko sakanya.

Marami na akong taon na nasayang kakahabol kay Michael na sarili kong pangarap nabitawan ko dahil sakanya.

Ilang balde na ba ng luha ang naiyak ko bago niya ako mahalin ng tuluyan? Aware akong rebound lang ako sa 2 years na yun. Pero dahil mahal ko naghintay ako.

Nang sa wakas ayos na lahat, babalik pa siya ulit, ang babaeng sobra niyang minahal.

Maayos na kami, sobrang saya na namin, masaya na siya saakin, pero bakit? O baka naman akala ko lang yun lahat.

Agad kong naalala ang narinig kong usapan nila.

"Maldives, huh? Just the two of you?" Jane asked.

"Yes, love." he said problematically.

"Please, understand me. After that trip, I'm going to end our relationship"

"You talk like you're just only a boyfriend/ girlfriend! You're f*****g married, Michael!"

"I know, I'll definitely think of a way how to end the marriage quickly, I didn't love her anyway" consoling Jane.

I know you loved me, I can feel it. But now, I'm not sure anymore.

She left you, I fixed you, and now you're leaving me for the woman who left you nothing but pain.

"Rain? What's taking you so long?" he knocked on the bathroom's door.

I fixed my voice before answering.

"Wait a second, I'm coming!"

I washed my face to remove the tears, but the puffiness is still there. I just shrugged and act like nothing happened.

I opened the door only to find out that he's waiting for me. He kissed my forehead. I just smiled at him.

"Did you cry, love? What's the problem? You know you can always tell me, right? I'm your husband."

"Yes, you're my husband but I don't own your heart. It belongs to someone else." I answered him in my mind.

"Why did you marry me, if you didn't love me?"

"Can someone fake the genuinity? Or is it just me who thought you were being sincere?"

I'm too afraid to confront him. I might not be able to handle and accept the truth that he never loved me.

It will kill me.

After all those sufferings I deserve to be happy, but here I am still suffering because of my love for him. Akala ko kapag kasal na tayo wala ng sakit at kasiyahan na lahat. Bakit ang sakit mo naman mahalin?

What did I do to feel this kind of pain. My life seems like a punishment. My happiness always have sufferings in return.

He hurt me and I still love him as much after crying gallons of tears and days of depression.

I smiled at him to assure him that everything's fine. But, it's hard to keep a smile when you're dying slowly on the inside.

"Let's eat. I'm hungry" i said and he nodded.

After we ate, I immediately washed the dishes and silently went upstairs, after.

I did my usual night routine as if everything's going well.

Closed my eyes, letting the darkness eat me.