Days of Darkness

Chapter 46

Absolutely," Mom said, wiping her eyes, "Men can be idiots when it comes to women. They learn quickly enough with our help. Your father was no different."

"There aren't many men like Daddy," I sighed.

"No," Mom said, smiling about things I didn't want to know, "but there is someone out there who will someday hold your heart more tightly than your father." I liked the idea of finding someone I could love and be loved by. I had been kissed a few times and found it enjoyable. Nothing like those heart-pounding experiences I had read about. Certainly nothing like the passion I had seen in the movies. Maybe I should have let it go beyond kissing. I was sure I was missing something.

"Are you two done?" Zane called from the top of the stairs. I blushed and wiped my eyes. It sucks when I forget to shut him out of my moods. I knew he wanted to get going, with his friends waiting and an exciting life to pursue.

"Yes," I shouted back. Mom kissed my forehead again and let me go. Her smile was as important as her kiss. Nothing was solved, yet I felt a little better. It was good to know that men were stupid. Somehow, it was important to know they were my equal.

*****

"If I tell you something, you promise not to get mad?" Zane asked me as he buckled his seatbelt. I looked over as I pushed the start button. He had on his I've-done-something-I-regret face. The same one he had on when Dad made him tell me he was the one who spilled ink on my American Girl doll's dress in the fifth grade.

"No," I said and meant it. I pulled the car out of the driveway.

"I heard what you said to Mom," Zane said anyway, then his voice went to a whisper, "then I felt it."

"So what," I nearly yelled, "like you never have issues. You should mind your own damn business."

"You know I can't," Zane said, "it's not like I can stop it." My bond to my family had become an all or nothing thing. Any feelings beyond normal were broadcast loudly.

"Sorry."

"It's my fault," Zane said as he looked at his feet. I felt his shame and regret.

"What," I said, trying to remember to look at the road, "that I'm too weird to be dated?"

"No," Zane stuttered, "I mean yes, but not because you're weird."

"What are you babbling about?"

"Mason Crawford asked me about you," Zane said.

"He's a jerk," I said quickly. Mason was only interested in Mason. He broke into the school once to have a look at an upcoming math test. Everyone knew he did it, but he blamed it on Levi Patterson, a freshman, who had helped him. Levi was immediately expelled and ended up in a private school.

"He's not the first one to ask," Zane admitted.

"Ask what?"

"About you," Zane hedged.

"What about me?"

"Guys ask me about you," Zane replied. "They think I control your social calendar or something."

"Ask what?" I repeated, looking at Zane.

"The road," Zane said quickly, pointing forward. I looked back and straightened the car. I took a deep breath and repeated my question again.

"They want to know things," Zane said, "like if you're with anyone. I don't like how they say it, so I sort of brush them off."

"What did you say?" I asked, wondering if I should be angry.

"Mason asked if you had a date for the prom," Zane said, then he looked out the passenger window and mumbled something I didn't understand. I could feel Zane's apprehension. It was ink all over my doll's dress again.

"Zane?"

"I told him you had a date," Zane said.

"So what?" I said, "he's a jerk."

"It kind of got around school," Zane said. He gritted his teeth and looked back at me.

"That he asked about me?"

"That you already have a date," Zane admitted. Anger, mixed with relief, filled me quickly. Anger that I was dateless due to my brother, relief because it wasn't that I was a social outcast. "The road!" Zane shouted.

My eyes refocused, and I pulled the car back across the centerline and into my lane. A million feelings ran through me, and I lost concentration. I felt my father's feelings intermingle with my own stabilizing my train of thought. The anger lessened.

"The thought of Mason even talking to you..." Zane said, "well, I wanted to hit him." I took a deep breath and concentrated on my driving.

"He'd kill you," I said. Mason was the star running back for the football team. One of the reasons the school didn't look too deep into the break-in.

"I lied," Zane admitted. "I didn't think it would go any further. They shouldn't be asking me about you." I could feel the contradiction in his mind. He wanted to undo it, and yet do it again. Whatever problems we had, Zane and I were brother and sister. Closer than most due to my power.

"Next time," I said as calmly as I could, "tell me when crap like that happens."

"Sorry."

"Who did you say I was going with?" I asked.

"Some college guy," Zane replied, "he's a lot bigger than Mason." I had to laugh. My brother was protecting me as best he could, and now I had an imaginary Frankenstein-like boyfriend. "I didn't want him to think he had a chance," Zane added in his defense.

"He never did," I said when my breath returned, "and thank you."

"You're not mad?"

"Furious," I said, "and grateful." How could I hold it against him? I couldn't, not with my father's strength in me. I did need a date for the prom, but I needed a faithful brother more.

"You know that Mom doesn't like you blocking Dad," Zane said almost offhandedly. He had felt me letting Dad in again.

"She's never said anything to me," I said, "I only do it when I want to feel only me. It's hard sometimes, being with everyone."

"Mom likes to feel Dad," Zane said with a stupid smile. "When you block him, you block her from him."

"Gross," I said, imagining what he was implying.

"Yep," Zane laughed, "better you than me." I couldn't imagine how others would feel about my family. Zane grew up with it from before day-one. He knew no other way. Dad and Mom had taken it on of their free will. I wondered what kind of family I could have. Would it be true love or some type of bonded s*****y? I often wondered if I was the reason Mom and Dad were Mom and Dad.