Days of Darkness

Chapter 64

"What do you mean?"

"One minute, you're in charge, like when you were on stage," Teegan said. "The next you lose confidence in yourself." I almost pulled my hand back, but she held it firmly. I had to look away from her eyes and chose the sidewalk as the new target. I was terrified at being seen as weak. She stopped and pulled me to a halt as well. "I'm sorry," she said warmly.

"For what?"

"I'm analyzing you, and have no right to," Teegan replied. "I'm not very together myself."

"I'm afraid to disappoint people," I admitted. "My parents, friends, you. It doesn't matter how small it is, the thought of failing people freaks me out." I don't think I realized it before. Teegan had drawn the truth out of me and it wasn't nearly as painful I thought it would be. I prayed she didn't see it as a weakness.

"Wow," Teegan said, "I wish I knew myself that well." She started us walking again and this time, her eyes were on the sidewalk. She was still gripping my hand, so I figured she was thinking, not re-thinking. "Caleb?"

"Yes."

"I give you permission to disappoint me," Teegan said. I was more than surprised by her statement. She looked up with that enchanting smile. "I'll let you know when it happens and I pre-forgive you. Though I will require the same in return." I wanted to kiss her. I didn't because something wasn't right and I didn't want to use up my forgiveness yet.

"I can do that," I agreed.

"See," Teegan said, "we mastered friendship. Now were both allowed to screw up and not lose each other." I was ecstatic and devastated. Teegan looked ahead and swung our hands like we were kindergarteners. I wanted more than a friendship. Attempting anything more tonight was out of the question. It was like peanut butter sandwich without the jelly. I couldn't turn it down, but the sweetness was missing.

I made sure I opened the car door for Teegan. It was a little old fashioned, but I wanted to hint to her that I wanted more than friendship without saying the words. She smiled and climbed in. I closed the door and gritted my teeth when she couldn't see it. My goal of asking her to the prom was ruined by her friendship declaration. I might wreck what little had been gained if I pushed my luck too hard.

"Who are you taking to the prom?" Teegan asked once we were moving.

"No one" I replied, looking at Teegan instead of the road. Her words kept catching me off guard. She smiled and pointed down the road. I turned my eyes back to their duty and returned her smile.

"I thought you were going to ask someone?"

"That didn't work out," I said. She probably thought the person said no. I wasn't going to clarify.

"Don't you want to go?"

"Not sure who else to ask," I lied.

"No one's asked me either," Teegan said. "This might sound strange, but what if we go together. It would just be as friends. I don't want to miss our senior prom and you shouldn't either."

"Okay," I said, staring down the road but not really seeing it. It was like a distorted dream; half nightmare, half heaven.

"Good," Teegan said with excitement. "I'll have to find a dress. There was one I had my eye on and hopefully it's still there. You know how you find clothes that are just perfect, but have nowhere to wear them?" We spent the rest of the ride talking about dresses, tuxes, and Teegan's insistence that she would pay for her own corsage. She didn't want me to be responsible, after all who would do that to a friend. I almost ended it, spouting something about not wanting to be just a friend, but then I wouldn't be going to the prom with her. Somehow, I had lost control of the night's plan and had no idea how to get it back.

Teegan stopped me from getting out of the car and opening her door. She hugged me and again thanked me for the concert. We promised to call each other to coordinate prom night. I watched her walk up the stairs to her porch, my headlights showing the way. She waved and disappeared inside. It was then I let out the breath I was holding. I drove home in a daze.

"How did it go?" My mom asked as I entered the door.

"We're going to the prom together," I answered as I walked up the stairs to my room.

"That's good, isn't it?"

"I have no idea," I replied. I moved quickly to avoid any more explanations. It was better than not going to the prom with Teegan. It wasn't as good as I hoped it would be. Any move I made could be construed as an assault on our friendship. I felt my disappointment climb.

"Caleb," my mom called from the bottom of the stairs, "talk to me." I could hear the concern in her voice. I didn't want pity. I wanted to be strong and confident, so I turned and hit her where it hurt.

"I've decided not to go to MIT or Stanford," I said clearly, "I'm pursuing my music." The shock on my mom's face somehow made me feel better. Good, now both of us were confused.

.14 - Teegan

The outside lights were on, but only one lamp was lit in the family room. Mom and Dad were practically sitting in the dark with glasses of wine in their hands. Both were dressed in robes and Mom had her legs curled under her as she leaned into Dad's arms. They were always affectionate with each other, but it had been a long time since I had seen them so comfortably close.

"Ahh, hi?" I said, thinking I had disturbed something. Thoughts of the prom drifted away.

"Have fun tonight?" Mom asked. The smile on her face was strong, as if she had a secret that only she and Dad knew.

"Sure," I said, furrowing my brow.

"Sit," Dad said, pointing at the recliner. "We want to hear all about it." I moved to the seat and sank in uncomfortably. It wasn't a good chair for an interrogation, no support for sitting upright. Dad's smile was warm as well. I couldn't remember ever seeing them so relaxed.

"Uncle Hank is coming tomorrow," Mom said. "He felt you in Portland and booked the next flight." I had never linked remotely with Hank before. I didn't think I knew his song well enough. I guess I was louder than I expected.

"Was all that for Caleb?" Dad asked. I blushed at the insinuation I saw in his eyes. I just met Caleb and had only been on half a date. Who did they think they raised?

No," I answered quickly, "it was an accident. Caleb didn't even know it happened. Was it really that strong?"

"Don't you know?" Mom said with a sneaky smile.

"I guess I did," I replied. "There are mental walls that broke down, sort of blocks that I didn't know were there. Tom and Caleb played my song, and they all crashed apart. Don't worry, I put them back up. It won't happen again."

"Your song?" Dad asked.

"Tom knew part of it," I said. "I have no idea how Caleb knew the rest. I was feeling exposed when they started playing it so Wendy hugged me and I lost control. I couldn't not bond with her; it all happened so quickly."

"Who's Tom and Wendy," Mom asked, "and what song are you talking about?"

"My song," I replied. "The bond thing, I've told you before, it's like music in a way. Well, really like music now, I guess. That's how I connect, by joining another's song. Well, they played mine." Dad was shaking his head as if it was difficult to understand. "Tom heard it when I was a baby. He's the cop who got me and you out of Flagstaff," I told Dad. I didn't expect the laughter. Both of them thought it was hilarious, and I had no idea why they were so happy.