Days of Darkness

Chapter 10

We can do it tonight," Tom said, "I'll pull into the garage and load where no one can see us. Where are you headed?"

"I guess west on 40," I replied, figuring it was the quickest way to Portland.

"There's a Pilot Travel Center about 15 minutes outside of the city," Tom said, "we could meet there, near the Day's Inn. At night, we should be able to get you out of the trunk without anyone noticing." I nodded. No one would look twice at an open trunk near a motel.

"You're taking a big risk," Rose said to Tom, "I hope you don't lose your job over this, or worse."

"My real love is the sax," Tom said, his smile growing, "police work was my low-risk alternative. I'm beginning to think I might change professions."

"Stinky does make you rethink things," I said.

"She does at that." Tom laughed. "I know I'd be damn good at it too."

.9 - Sam

Natalie and Rose spent a long time talking before Natalie headed out to the Travel Center. I heard some tears though I stayed away not wanting to intrude. It was a good time to give Stinky a bath since I had no idea when she would get another. I intentionally avoided bonding with Stinky. Rose and Natalie wouldn't want me interfering though I could only imagine what they were discussing. I assumed it was Rose's unwillingness to fight the cancer aggressively. Stinky had shown me her determination not to spend her last days sick in a hospital. She had done that with her husband and wished not to go through it again. I guessed it was the real reason she hadn't told Natalie.

I was relieved she now had her daughter at her side. It would be trying, but loneliness shouldn't be part of anyone's last days. I had suspected it would encompass my end in the past, but Stinky had shown me another way. In time, I too might have a family that would see me through. A dream of a legacy, though it would most likely require a name change. I doubted the Feds would stop looking for Samuel Donaldson.

There were more tears and hugs when Natalie left for the Travel Center. It affected me more than it should or, at least, more than it would have pre-Stinky. I wanted to say something to make it go away. What that something would be eluded me. I stood back and let it run its course.

"Natalie acts like she won't see you again," I said as Rose relieved me of Stinky. Rose ignored my statement and began tickling Stinky, making her smile and then laugh. It's hard to pry into a personal conversation when there is a laughing baby. I let it go and moved to the kitchen. Rose wanted to feed me one more time, and I wasn't going to miss it.

"I'm sorry I'm leaving you," I said as dinner wound down, "I don't see any way of staying without risking Stinky." The realization of my leaving was coming home to roost. It was most likely the last time I would ever see Rose. She would become a memory. A memory that would drive my future decisions.

"Stinky needs a new name," Rose laughed.

"She likes it," I said, knowing that Rose was changing the subject.

"Even Smelly would be better," Rose continued.

"She'll always be Stinky to me," I countered her control, "I don't want to leave." Rose sighed. She shifted Stinky on her lap and pushed her plate away.

"I know," Rose said softly, "neither did Natalie."

"Well, she's coming back as soon as I find a car!"

"No," Rose said, shaking her head, "Natalie is going to help you with her." She bounced Stinky on her lap and made her smile. I started, for the first time, unable to enjoy that smile. It took me a moment to come up with a response. When I did, it disappointed me.

"No, she's not," I insisted.

"Yes, Sam," Rose said quietly, "she is."

"You can't be alone," I added with more strength.

"Yes, I can," Rose countered. An image formed in my mind of Rose gasping her last alone. My eyes welled up. I hated that I cared. No wonder I steered away from people before. They screwed up my insides.

"You..." I started, and the tears came, and my mouth didn't want to work.

"I love you too," Rose said sweetly. That made it worse. I had no experience to help me with the horrible feelings coursing through me. I covered my eyes with my hand and tried to hide behind it. My lungs decided to dance, and I lost everything I thought a man should be. Stinky had ruined me.

Rose moved her chair next to mine. I felt her arm wrap around me, and Stinky moved partially on my lap. I wanted Rose to stop but leaned into her instead. Her breathing was erratic as mine. I let her hold me, thought better of it and wrapped my arms around her as well. I swore to myself that I would never again let anyone else get close. Stinky and Rose were it. At least, Stinky wasn't going to die on me.

"Where was the Magna Carta enacted?" Rose whispered when her voice returned. It was a stupid question and completely out of place.

"Runnymede," I replied after clearing my throat. I answered because it was Rose that asked.

"You're a lovely man," Rose continued, "with a wonderful mind. You have an amazing future ahead of you and Stinky to care for." Some of my control returned. I wasn't used to praise having not experienced it much in the past.

"Only because of you and Stinky," I admitted.

"It was always there," Rose said, her smile evident under her red eyes, "you just never had a direction to go in." I nodded.

"I do love you, Rose," I said, looking at her, "and I have never felt so horrible in my life."

"It comes with the territory." Rose smiled. "Your tears, your smile, your being here right now makes me think I am better than I am. I could ask nothing more from a friend." I had no idea it went both ways. I thought she had been tolerating me, more like a teacher. At best, I wasn't the worst kid in the class.

"You'll be alone," I argued.

"I have other friends," Rose said, looking down toward Stinky, "and who knows, you three could be back when this blows over." She shifted Stinky over to my lap, "I have to open the garage door for Tom." She left me there, stewing in a world of grayness. I gave Stinky my finger, and she grasped it tight, smiling. I let her fill me, hoping there was a sense to my misery.

Knowledge and confidence did nothing for my grief. I closed my eyes and tried to embed the memory of Ruth in my mind. Unintentionally, her thoughts flooded through. I could see her pain at her husband's slow passing, the inability to do anything but be there. My breath caught in my throat at the images she tried to forget. She wanted to remember him as he was and now the end was her first thought. I wiggled my finger free.

"The door is open," Rose said as she returned, "you had better get ready." She reached out for Stinky, so I could gather our things quickly. I stood and kissed her cheek, knowing she wouldn't find it uncomfortable.

"I'll always remember you as you are right now," I said.

"And you tried to convince me you were dull," Ruth responded with her lovely smile. I smiled back, taking the credit. Stinky couldn't argue with it. She shooed me out of the kitchen as her eyes began to fill again. I had to wipe mine as I packed.

Traveling in a trunk is a lot more uncomfortable than I imagined. I felt every bump, and there was little done to reduce the noise from the road. The pillows that Ruth gave us helped Stinky more than they did me. She fit neatly on one, and my arm kept her from moving around. I, on the other hand, had my knees c****d, and my hip was acting as a shock absorber.

Had it been any other baby, I suspect there would have been crying. Though I could barely see Stinky's face in the dark, I knew there was the same calm expression that she always held when she wasn't smiling. About fifteen minutes into the trip, Stinky let loose with a bubbly rumble. I closed my nose and stifled a laugh. If someone was going to search the car, they would need a gas mask. I could almost taste the smell as my eyes began to water.

We passed through the roadblock with little effort. Tom shouted out a good-natured greeting to someone who returned an insult with equal friendship. Tom retorted and sped by so he could retain the last word.

"Good God," Tom yelled, once we hit highway speed," did you die back there?"

"I might," I yelled back laughing, "she definitely can call some flies." I could hear Tom laughing and the sound of wind increasing. He had opened a window. It was too hard to carry on a conversation, so I settled in for the rest of the trip.

"Oh, you poor man," Natalie laughed, moving backward and waving her hand in front of her face. Stinky laughed which caused Natalie to stop her retreat and take her from me. I climbed out of the trunk to find Natalie grimacing as she held Stinky as far away from her as she could. She tried to hand her back but declined with a laugh.

"I'm surprised you're still with the living," Tom joked as he pulled our bags and pillows from the trunk.

"You kind of get used to it after ten minutes or so," I lied.

"You need to change her," Natalie begged as her arms began to tire.

"I thought you wanted to learn," I reminded her.

"This smells worse than last time," Natalie whined, "do all babies smell this bad?" I shrugged my shoulders. Stinky was the only kid I ever changed.

"My nephews don't smell that bad," Tom informed her, "I mean they can smell, but Stinky is a whole new level of stench." I shouldered the bags znc laughed at Tom's description. Natalie looked concerned that my arms weren't free.

"Let's change her in your car," I suggested. I tried not to laugh as Natalie hobbled to her car trying not to hold Stinky too close.

"I have to head back," Tom said before I could move to follow Natalie, "I don't want to raise too much suspicion by being gone too long.