Days of Darkness

Chapter 26

Spring began to give way to summer. The cabin didn't have any air conditioning, but a large ceiling fan kept the air circulating. According to Betty, who visited every couple of weeks, we wouldn't see many stifling days, even in the depth of summer.

Betty had joined a veteran's biker club. They called themselves The Lifers, but most hadn't pulled more than a one or two tours. They were a support group that traveled to funerals of fallen soldiers and rode in parades. I think we were a happy destination, an excuse for Betty to ride her new motorcycle. It was good to see Betty strong. Teegan had done well with her.

I had continued my studies, taking on courses that weren't as remedial as when I started. I established a set of study habits that worked for me. For once, school wasn't impossible. It wasn't easy, but it was doable, and I had lost my fear of it. I knew I would pay for it in the future, but I teased Natalie about being a straight 'A' student. Rose had informed me that Natalie had earned a few 'B's in her degree.

"Wait until you get into the 300 and 400 level courses," Natalie warned me, "then we'll do some comparisons." I smiled at the fight in her. It was fun to get her riled up. She would take it out on me in bed in a most satisfying way.

"You speak of the future," I egged Natalie on. I was keeping an eye on Teegan as she walked around the room. I would have to take her outside in the evening to get her tuckered out. She loved to taste things, be it rocks or branches, so I had to stay close. "Today I am a perfect student, and you're...a little less than that."

"Okay, smart guy," Natalie said, looking up from her work with a smile, "maybe we should make a little bet." I loved when she became playful. Her confidence in her abilities made her even more attractive. "You get a law degree, and we'll compare grade point averages when you're done." I could see the twinkle in her eye. She knew I had no intention of getting a law degree. "A year of back rubs are on the line."

"Oh, let him have his victory," Rose said, looking over her glasses. Rose could barely get of bed anymore. She wasn't eating as she should, and we could tell she was feeling some pain. She hid it well, but after you live with a person for a while, it becomes obvious when something is wrong. Sympathy would have hurt her more, so we tried to ignore it.

"And I give you back rubs anyway." I added. I liked the idea that Rose was on my side.

"I see," Natalie said, nodding her head and getting back to her work, "you're chickening out." Teegan ran into me, using my legs to hold herself up. Her smile always brightened any day.

"Da, da, da ,da, da," Teegan cried out, slapping my leg as she spouted her only syllable.

"Teegan is on my side," I said, lifting my girl into my lap.

"Teegan is always on your side," Natalie laughed, "you'll need more than one toddler to debate me." I started to laugh, and then the thought of more than one child in the house coalesced in my mind. A little Natalie, or maybe a tiny Sam. I looked in Teegan's eyes as she bounced on my knee. The thought of more children was not unpleasant.

"How many toddler's would it take?" I asked. Natalie lost her smile when she saw my face. Unbidden, my love flowed through Teegan and exploded into Natalie. The thought of a larger family grew more pleasing. Natalie stared for a moment, her face flushed from the feelings that flooded into her.

"You are a good father," Natalie said, her mind trying to analyze the question and all the things that went along with it.

"And you're a wonderful mother," I added. My smile had returned. Natalie was considering the idea of children. Our children. I watched her smile grow.

"I'll get fat," Natalie warned.

"Fat women are sexy," I said with a chuckle. A fat woman who was carrying my baby would be very sexy. The last of the old me fled. The new me, the better me, wanted a family and wouldn't shy from the responsibility that came with it. Teegan began calling out the only sound she knew, almost like a cheerleader. The only one who seemed concerned was Rose.

"Such hasty thinking," Rose said, giving me a severe look. I remembered our conversation about Teegan a few months back. The fear of her gathering power. I mulled that over and still saw nothing dangerous in her. If anything, Teegan was becoming more endearing. I couldn't fathom her hurting anyone, including a sibling.

"You don't want a grandchild?" Natalie asked with surprise.

"No, of course, I do," Rose countered, "it's just that you're in hiding...or Sam and Teegan are. How can you think of another child when you have yet to settle with this one." It was the first time I caught Rose stretching the truth. For some reason, she had confided her fears with me, but not her daughter. I was having none of it.

"She's afraid of what Teegan might become," I informed Natalie. Secrets were a weakness, and I didn't want it in my family.

When she's grown," Rose hastily added, "we don't know what will happen when she comes into her own mind. It's not that I don't love her...it's just...I worry about a teenager with hormones raging with the power to change her world." Rose started coughing, her lungs struggling to discharge something raspy sounding. Natalie moved quickly to her side.

"Sam and I can handle her," Natalie said softly, "she's never shown anything but love for us, and for you." She patted her mother's back as Rose doubled over in the chair. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see Rose this way. Teegan instinctively curled into my chest, hugging me close.

"I worry about you," Rose said when her throat cleared, "I won't be here to protect you or help you keep your sanity." Natalie smiled and hugged her mother close. When Rose couldn't see, her expression turned to concern for my benefit.

"Maybe children can wait," I said, "at least until Teegan is old enough." Natalie nodded. I don't think either of us meant it. For Rose's sake, we would mean it for now. In the back of my mind, Roses concerns were shrinking smaller by the day. I wondered if I was naive, then shook it off as paranoia.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The cry woke me from a dead sleep. Darkness still ruled, and it took me a moment to work out it wasn't a dream. I heard it again, shrill, piercing, and so foreign. I shot out of bed as my mind recognized it was Teegan. Natalie sleepiness was disappearing at a slightly slower pace. I raced to her crib in the main room.

Teegan's face was scrunched up like an old man. Tears were flowing freely as she stood in her crib, reaching out to me. I moved quickly, hearing Natalie only a few steps behind me. As I grabbed my girl, sadness so deep filled my mind. I turned to Natalie as my tears started to flow.

"Your mother..." I stuttered. I wanted to fold Natalie into my arms, but she turned and ran toward the other bedroom. I knew what she would find. Teegan had felt Rose slip away, and it strained her to the limits. Natalie's cry was hardly different.

.18 - Sam

It was two days before Teegan smiled again. A month before Natalie and I made love again. Two months before I began to feel normal again. Rose had given me my mind. Initially, I considered dropping school, feeling it was her dream more than mine. It was a silly grieving thought that I was finally able to throw away. If anything, a degree would honor Rose. Besides, Natalie told me I was an i***t for even considering it.

Teegan, Natalie and I went exploring whenever the weather would allow. Nature has a way of softening a loss, giving it a more timeless perspective. The green growth coming back year after year let us all know that life goes on. We talked of Rose, which helped Natalie the most. The idea that her mother would be forgotten was Natalie's greatest fear.

Teegan's teeth continued coming in a most painful way. She didn't feel it; I did. Somehow, she knew the pain was being transplanted to me. When my gums felt the worst, she would always cuddle close, her smile dulling the pain. Natalie thought it was cute, the child comforting the parent.

A few months later, winter was coming, and Natalie was pregnant. We had discounted Rose's worries and embraced our joy. Natalie's vision of the perfect life was a white picket fence and a happy family. Had you met her over a year ago, you would have thought a power partnership in a law firm was her dream. Now, she and I rubbed her tummy and prayed for the quiet life. We began looking for a permanent home, something we could claim as our domain.