CHAPTER FOUR - One Night
1190 Words
They had a long conversation before anything else, at least that was the part Eva remembered clearly.
Although not exactly the way the night ended, it began with two strangers meeting at a bar in a loud city, finding themselves and a quiet time together.
They spoke at length, and he opened up to tell her that all his life, he had done things that were expected of him. The words coming out sounded like he chose the words carefully.
He said he spent almost his whole life trying to do things people around him wanted him to do. The words were coming out like he was being careful not to say too much.
"That sounds exhausting," Eva said.
"It is." He looked at his drink. "You stop noticing after a while. The exhaustion just becomes the baseline."
She could relate to this too much, but didn't want to admit it.
She spoke in her own way of owning up to the fact that she spent a lot of years trying to be someone she wasn't, but what someone else wanted her to be, with no reference.
She did not mention Cedar Falls or anything else. But she told him the shape of it, the slow shrinking, the way you can lose yourself so gradually you don't notice until you are standing in a strange city, realizing you cannot remember the last time you made a decision purely for yourself.
Lukas listened the way very few people listen, without preparing his response, without waiting for a pause so he could redirect. Just present. Just there.
"And now?" he asked when she finished.
Eva looked around the club. At the people dancing, laughing, leaning into each other in the particular desperate joy of a Friday night. At April, somewhere on the dance floor, free and unbothered and exactly herself.
"Now I'm just trying to figure out everything else," she said. "I haven't found that part of me yet."
"That sounds like freedom."
"It feels exhausting."
He gave a nod in agreement, like he understood the feeling. It felt like the emotions were in the atmosphere, and they could both feel it at the same time.
Without saying anything else, just both soaking in the moment, they left the bar for a quieter, more peaceful spot, like the conversation needed that kind of environment, though with music still heard in the background.
Eva had no alcohol. She was aware of that, clearly aware of herself, her choices, and the exact temperature of the moment. One drink. Maybe two. Just something needed to cool the edges and not completely black out, because of not knowing what would happen next.
He stared at her like he always had the whole night with calmness, and all she could think of was the version of herself that had just got here with memories from Cedar Falls. She comforted herself that even at twenty years old, it was okay that she hadn't made any decision for herself in a while.
Then she goes ahead to say, "I'm not really looking for anything right now."
And she meant that and wanted to be transparent. "I want you to be clear on that part."
Something shifted in his expression. Not disappointment, something more careful than that. More considered.
"Neither am I," he said. And then, after a pause: "I leave tomorrow."
She nodded. There it was, her slowly opening the door to her boundaries she had restricted herself from. She looked at him for a while, like she was expecting something to happen, the blue eyes she couldn't stop staring at that came with stillness. In this particular way, he occupied space without demanding anything from it.
She made a decision.
The hotel was two streets from the club, so they walked together, without physical contact, enjoying the cool breeze against their faces, which was a relief from the heat at the club with its smashing bodies. She looks at the moon, trying to feed her thoughts with nature and just enjoying the moment till she looks away.
In the room, the city noise dropped to a murmur. Lukas turned on one lamp, and the room went gold and quiet, and Eva stood for a moment in the center of it, perfectly still, making sure she was still sure.
She was.
What followed was not reckless. They ended in each other's arms, now making eye contact till he broke it off with a soft kiss, one so gentle yet so tender. Slowly lifting her and placing her on the bed while caressing her body. The gentleness he showed was least expected from Eva, as she assumed someone with so much intensity would carry himself otherwise, and was glad it was this way. After all, it was only for that night.
Especially because it's only for tonight.
He noticed the fading shadow along her jaw. She saw him notice it. His expression did not change, but something behind his eyes went very still, and she felt him make a decision of his own to say nothing, to ask nothing, to simply be careful with her in a way that required no explanation from her.
She was grateful for that more than she could say.
Afterward, they lay in the dim gold light and said very little. The city hummed its quiet hum outside. Eva stared at the ceiling and felt not exactly happy, not sad. Something cleaner than either. She felt some type of way, something that felt like she had a decision by herself willingly.
She looked at him, trying to understand his mood afterward, but all he did was stare at the ceiling with the same stillness he had always embodied, at least for the whole night, as that was how long she had known him. But she felt something in him move as well, something that she couldn't read. Like a man carrying a world she could not see.
She almost asked, but didn't as she didn't want to intrude.
She was awake in the early hours of the morning while Lukas was still asleep beside her. She looked at him and watched his chest slowly rising and falling from his breathing. Looking closely, she realized his eyes were not fully closed even though he was fast asleep, and that made her chest tighten and suddenly felt uncomfortable.
She got up quietly. Found her dress, her shoes, her bag. Moved through the room the way she had moved through her apartment five days ago carefully, without turning the lights on, disturbing as little as possible.
At the door, she paused. Looked back once.
He slept on, undisturbed.
She did not leave her number, a note or anything else as she quietly pulled the door open and closed it gently behind her. Walking towards the exit of the hotel, she could only think to herself, realizing all that had happened the previous night and was not sure about how to feel.
Outside, the air was cold, and the street was almost empty as it was just beginning to wake up.
So, Eva thought distantly, there was something else.
- Writer
