LUST AND LOVE FOR POWER

Chapter 4

It's been weeks after I buried my mother, I felt worse with each day that passed. First, it was with Catalina and now it was my mother. I promised to give her the best life, but I couldn't.

I am a failure

That was how I felt, with each passing day, it was like I didn't belong here anymore, I felt like a stranger in my city, it was like a big part of my life was missing and I couldn't grasp it. I couldn't even think straight anymore, that I had to leave my daughter with Arturo and his wife Natalie

’...your real life isn't here in Campeche city’

My mother’s note kept playing in my head, every time I tried to open the safe, I always hesitated from doing so, scared of what I may find. Sitting down while I stared hard at it across the table, it stood so small yet heavy with a lot of secrets and answers I feared would be waiting for me inside it.

’...the truth about your father and your real life isn't here in Campeche city’

What could be the truth about my father, my mother told me he was dead even before I was born. I never for once thought of questioning her of anything concerning him because each time, I tried to speak of him, pain reflected on her face, and I hated seeing my mother in any form of pain or discomfort, I learnt to live with the thought that enquiring about my father was a foul to her mood.

So why now...?

Why does my mother want me to look into the past, her past, my future?

Battered with the thoughts and trying to be strong at the same time was the hardest task I could school myself into, I held my breath.

It's now or never

As I unlocked my late mother’s little box, I expected to see something else, perhaps a ring or something that would be in the possession of the likes of my mother, but instead what I saw was an old book, a diary.

My mother isn’t the type that writes a diary.

Most of the pages were worn out and some pages were torn out, but it was all in place. Like she guarded it with her heart. Bringing out the diary from the little safe, it was dusty, I cleaned the surface and placed it on the table. Flipping and reading through pages that had me shaken.

****



1981 Campeche city

“On this day I met Fernando Hernandez, the most powerful and Fiercest human on earth that I have set my eyes on all through my 28 years of life.

Working in the army camp as a nurse has been the scariest duty I have ever taken up to as a task, I preferred where I previously worked in hospitals and school environments but this was from the government and it was my duty, it was an order and I couldn't refuse it, and the pay was high compared to what I received at my previous assignment.

Fernando is the commander in chief at the camp where he served and I would be attending to his team, and his son Eduardo Hernandez. I hardly came in contact with him or spoke with him, I heard a lot about his unruly attitude towards young girls in the camp, a good lover they said, he had sweet tongues and could woo just anyone, and it was nothing compared to his skills on the bed.

I tried my best not to fall for his charms or even condone dirty thoughts of him, but they was something about the way he looked at me when he passed by with his group of friends that caused chills of pleasure to run down my spine. I tried so hard not to admit this to myself that I had fallen for him, but each time I did, scenarios kept showing me how much of a fool I was for him. It was a war between my emotions for him and losing my sanity.

Running with my kits to his camp, as I approached, his wail of pain grew louder

Moving the curtains to the side as I entered, I was so shaken by the sight of the injury he sustained, it was so frightening, but I had to keep my cool and appear as the professional nurse that I am.

After that day we became closer and more of a good friend. It was the best feeling ever, but later on, after then, we became lovers and that wasn't just it, my virginity was taken away weeks after we became a thing. It was the best night of my life.

But it didn't just end there, the lovemaking, communication and love we harbored for each other were consistent, it was unbreakable, it was unbound. That even his father got to know about it and tried putting a bridge between us, but it never worked. My colleague was jealous, rumors of me wanting Eduardo because of his wealth surfaced, but all was nothing but a lie. My love for him wasn’t materialistic but real.

Everything was perfect for us. But what wasn't was our relationship, which was so hard and then when all White became black, when all happiness became pain and when all laughter became sadness, was the day Eduardo pushed me away and made it clear to me that all he wanted from me was my body and nothing more.

He called me a whore

It was like a slap to my face and a stain on my dignity, in a flash someone that brought me great joy turned into a monster. I knew it wasn't Eduardo speaking but his father, the man I fell in love with wasn't anything of the sort. While our romance drama still went on, I stayed at camp believing that if he continued to see me that he would remember how deep in love we were.

But instead of that to happen, everything became worse, Eduardo kept sleeping with different ladies every night, and when he wasn’t, he was fighting enemies. It just wasn’t a good time for us to speak with each other, everything became too intense.

Every day I was awakened with Fernando’s glare it spoke all emotions of hate and not wanting me to get entangled with his son anymore, threatening to have me deployed and my license revoked but I was not scared of him, I had no fear for anyone, I was going to stand fearless and strong for my love Eduardo.

But then I lost touch with him and things fell apart when he was transferred from camp and no one was willing to tell me how to find him, not even the people I considered as friends.

It was a few months after I noticed a bundle of joy growing inside me, Eduardo’s heir. You Sebastian. And that gave me courage, hope and determination to meet with your father at all costs, I searched everywhere and asked everyone I knew about his whereabouts, but I found none. Finally, it began to dawn on me that Eduardo had abandoned me, he abandoned our love, he had abandoned our child that he knew nothing of.

I was lucky enough to meet his mother, your grandmother Jose Llado Hernandez, being lucky is the wrong choice of word. She told me to stay away from your father and offered me a huge sum of money which I rejected, I was naive and adamant about wanting Eduardo by all means and then I shared the good news of your coming, hoping she was going to have a change in mind and let me see her son to discuss our future together. Bringing you up alone and being denied from being raised by your father and a complete family scared me.

I was expecting the news of her grandchild, Eduardo’s heir and the first seed of Eduardo’s Hernandez to touch her motherly spot. But instead, she became furious and scared, threatened our life and mine, doubling the money to get away from her sight before she got me killed. And promised to give me a chance of living if I agreed to have you removed.

I was too stunned from what I heard and wasn't stupid enough to say I wouldn't do as she said at the point of death, so I played along with what she requested, choosing money over you was the only way I could escape her and that family.

She also told me that my Eduardo was engaged and would be getting married in the coming year, she showed me pictures of her son with another woman.

That should be me, I thought

I never got to see Eduardo; I needed an explanation, but it was useless after all. And with a broken heart, I finally left. After accepting the fact I fell in love with a ruthless liar, I was nothing after all compared to the social status they possessed. I knew the man he was before blindly falling in love with him, if there’s anyone to be blamed it was all me and my stupidity.

I thought of a day to let you read this but I was never ready, I am a coward my son, forgive me but I can't bear to see you suffer, you deserve every autumn of wealth, watching you pick on crumbs just to feed I and your daughter makes me feel like a terrible mother I am. You do not deserve this life; this is not your life to live. I can't watch you suffer anymore; I have vowed to myself never to let the secret out until the day I die. The guilt I feel towards how unfairly you have been treated hurts me gravely.

I thought having Catalina and your coming child Amy would have been the best and safest life for you three to live, but it was never true. Forgive me, my dear son, please, I hope you do as I write all these with a heavy heart. I love you so much, my days on earth are getting closer and numbered.

You, Sebastian Hernandez you are the first and true heir to the Hernandez family, you are the flesh and blood of Eduardo Hernandez, he is your father and your true identity lies in Monterrey, that is my only wish for you Sebastian I know it must be hard for you to accept it but it would be the only thing that would make me genuinely happy knowing that my son finally has his true name and identity, please leave Campeche city, if not for you think about your daughter Amy, think about me, and think of the great things you could achieve for you both.

Nunca olvides al hijo de la mujer que eres, mi sangre corre por la tuya ahora y siempre.

(Never forget the son of the woman that you are, my blood runs through yours now and forever.) “

****

I couldn't believe what I just read, I couldn't comprehend what I saw, everything in here just had to be a joke but my mother wasn't the type to an expensive joke.

I cannot be the son of the richest man in Mexico

It made no sense; I can never come from such a wealthy background. I wasn't a child anymore how on earth was I going to go run to another man just to prove I was his son. Staring at the safe they were still some items left in it.

Pictures

It was of my mother in her prime, she looked so young, happy and full of life. Suddenly my palm became cold when I saw another figure with her as they both smiled at the camera, If I was mistaken, I would have said it was a picture of us both. I and my mother but I was never in the military, nor was I a man in that year. It had to be my father

Eduardo Hernandez

I am going to Monterrey with my daughter. To learn the truth of my Identity.

A new chapter has begun.