What The Hell Happened?

4

The next day, we had an influx of new readers who were mostly tourists. They were intrigued to come across a library which had a large stock of notable books written by Latino writers. Watching them engrossed as they scoured the pages of novels served as another reminder of how much fun my job was.

While everyone had their noses stuck in the middle of a page, I noticed one of the teens who was an avid reader and visitor in the library, Samantha Grant, hiding crouched down in a corner eating chips. Foods were not allowed in the library to reduce littering since it was supposed to be a place for learning. Those who had foods in their bags had to leave them at the front desk and retrieve them on their way out.

"Sammy, are you alright? You should be reading something."

She shook her head. "I'm sorry, Ethan. I know I'm not supposed to bring food in here but it's the only thing that calms me down. And no, I'm not okay."

I sat down on the cold floor next to her. "What's wrong?"

"It's Griffith. He hasn't been online for days now and I'm stalking i********: to see if anyone tagged him."

Her boyfriend, Griff was also a regular here and helped me sometimes with returning the books to their respective shelves when everyone left most evenings. He was a popular lad, gold-haired, an athlete and had managed to gain the affection of many girls. When Samantha chirpily told me months ago that she was dating him, I wasn't pleased. They were both sixteen, young to be in a relationship and Griff's popularity was gathering momentum as the days trickled past.

So I kind of expected it when she said. "I have a feeling I'm not the only girl he's with."

"Sammy, you aren't sure."

"He hasn't been coming here for the past two weeks and my sister said she saw him at the circus, kissing another girl."

My heart clenched. I wanted to tell her that she was probably right about him but I wasn't sure if she was ready to hear that. She would figure it out later.

"Well, I won't advise you to jump to any conclusions until you talk to him. Better to know these things as they are than to be sorry later. You don't want to waste your time on someone who toys with your feelings."

Oh, Ethan. This was the advice you're supposed to have given yourself a year ago when you noticed that Freddie wasn't his usual self anymore.

Freddie had cheated on me with Alex both physically and emotionally.

Samantha wiped her eyes then turned to me. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Have you ever been in love with anyone? And if so what happened between you two?"

My heart sank. I wasn't expecting her to bring up anything relating to my past. I was still recovering from the trauma and it was one too long of a story to tell.

No one in the library knew anything about Freddie, but they knew something terrible happened to me before I resumed my duties here. I wasn't close with anyone that much and I tried my best to withhold myself from giving out bits and pieces of my past love life so everyone here dropped their suspicions when they noticed I was tough to unravel.

"You mean you want to know if I've loved someone before? And why we broke up?"

"Yeah."

"He fell in love with someone else."

That was the true summary of it all in one sentence.

Samantha looked confused. "But that's never happened. How can he just fall out of love with you like that?"

What a thoughtful question.

"If I knew what exactly happened that made him do that Sammy, I would have told you already."

"So that's why you moved here. Griff told me you used to live in Brooklyn before. He must have really hurt you bad for you to be unhappy for this long."

"Yeah, I'm still recovering."

"Do you think he didn't love you at all or he loved the other person more?"

It seemed as though this sixteen-year-old girl searched into my soul and found the one question I'd often asked myself. I wanted to tell her things as they truly are.

"Sammy, I don't know how love really works or if there are different levels to it, or if he's leaving me means he doesn't love me at all. I don't understand how possible it is for someone to suddenly fall out of love. I'm still fitting the puzzle together. But what I'm sure of is if someone is cheating on you, they don't deserve you. You're not meant to be together with that person."

She sighed. "Yeah. You're right."

Nudging her with my shoulder, I grinned. "However, I will suggest you don't be in such a hurry to fall in love. You're still young and there's plenty of time to find the right one if not Griff. The age you are right now is very difficult, perhaps the most challenging stage of your life. Both you and Griff just entered puberty and you're discovering who you are. Don't let your hormonal thoughts control your decisions."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Have you found the right person?"

"No," I paused, looking down at my laps. "I suppose I'll never do."

"How not?"

How can I possibly explain things without shattering this little girl's hopes? How can I admit out loud that I can't bring myself to trust another man ever again? That was an issue I had with myself, and I'd be damned to ruin her with my self-doubt.

"The good news, Sammy? Anything is possible as long as you don't let your hopes high. The right time to fall in love will come and it'll be the best feeling in the world."

If only I believed in my own words. If only.