Tame a Monster

Chapter One

I have a hard decision to make.

My cutest top, or at least my most presentable one that doesn't call too much attention to me, is a long sleeve pink turtleneck. But unfortunately after a zillion times of wear, it now has a huge tear at the bottom and a couple of bleach stains scattered on it too. I can opt to wear one of my dad's oversized sweaters but I don't want to do that. I don't want my first day at a new school to end up like my last one. In my old school, the boys used to make fun of me because my clothes were guy clothes from garage sales or hand-me-downs from my dad.

Instead, I put on two layers of tank tops and go for my dad's old t-shirt. It's a little too big so I try to cover how big it is by tucking the hem of the shirt into my baggy jeans. Yea it looks dorky and awful but it'll have to do.

Next, I move onto my untamable mess of a hair. My hair isn't exactly curly but it's not straight either, it just lays as an indecisive heap on the top of my head. But right now it's frizzy and crisp to the touch, no matter how hard I try to comb it through, it only gets poufier and wilder. So I just wrap it into a high pointy tail and call it a day.

Staring in the mirror, I'm nervous, and it shows a lot. I take a couple of puffs from my inhaler and then put it back in my pocket. I can do this. Just relax. This time it'll be different, this time I'll have friends. See? It's all good, lets just practice:

"Hi! My name is Angeline, I'm new here. Can we be friends?"

No that's stupid, I sound desperate.

"Hi I'm Angeline, wanna hang out sometime?"

No! That's too fast, too soon.

"Hi! My name's Angeline, I just moved here, mind if I sit here?"

Hmmm, at least that sounds better than the last two?

Do I show my teeth when I smile? Or would that make me look insane? Closed mouth? But then what if I look like an uptight biotch. No smile? But that's creepy.

Whatever I'll figure it out when the time comes.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!!!!

I jump up, startled, the sound of my alarm obstructing my thoughts.

Oh crap! I'm gonna miss the bus!

Running to the kitchen, I quickly whip up some coffee and toast for my dad and get an apple for myself.

"BYE DAD! LOVE YOU!" I shouted and closed the door just as the yellow school bus pulled up around the corner. Getting on, I note that there are only like five other kids in total, and they're all... staring at me... and sniffing the air.

Oh my god. Do I smell!? I made sure to take a shower this morning! Granted all I could use was my dad's male shampoo, didn't even have any conditioner, that's why my hair was always such a crispy mess. But it's still soap! I sit down in the first empty seat and quickly turn my head away. I hate attention.

After two more stops, the first thing I notice about my new school is how small it is in comparison to my old school. Second, was how it was surrounded by a tirade of greenery, all types of trees, evergreens, and bushes encircled the building. Third, was how insanely fit and beautiful everyone was. I kid you not, everyone looked like they could be on the cover of a sports magazine or walking a red carpet. All boys and girls alike were tall, lean, and had tanned clear skin. That was surprising, for such a cold green place they looked like they spent all their time in the sun, or at least their weekends in the tanning booth.

And they too...were all staring at me.

All the model-worthy girls took in my appearance, looked at each other, and then burst into laughter. If I thought I looked anything remotely presentable before, I realize now I actually look like a freaking nuisance in comparison to everyone else. I hoped no one noticed how red my face must be.

Deep breaths Angeline, deep breaths. Once they get to know you, they'll look past your loser appearance. Don't be completely discouraged just yet.

With this new resolve, I make my way into the school... and only 3 minutes later do I manage to get myself lost. The hallways quickly become vacant as students start filing into their classrooms, meanwhile, I'm still here wandering around aimlessly, too intimidated to ask for directions. Plus it's not like everyone's being super inviting either.

"Um, are you lost?" A really pretty girl with red hair and light brown eyes asked me. I won't lie, I was secretly relieved someone came up to ask me.

"Um, yea," I said sheepishly. "Do you know where room N114 is?"

"Yea that's AP Calculus, It's right next to my classroom. C'mon, I'll take you there."

"Oh thank you!"

"No problem, what class do you have next?"

"It says History, room W217"

"Oh! So do I! My name's Jean by the way."

"I'm Angeline, it's so nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too, mind if I ask why you moved to Chambers, Oregon of all places?"

"Well my dad finally got a job, and I think he wanted something new, so we just upped and moved here."

"What does your dad do?"

"He's a janitor at the Riverside Hospital."

"Oh," she said and then nodded her head. "Where did you move here from?"

"Chicago."

"Oh cool. I've never been, and please excuse us for acting so weird. The last time we had someone new transfer to this town was Susie Pearson, and that was in the second grade."

"Wow," I said surprised. Suddenly all their ogling made sense, I thought I'd easily pass under the radar. But of course, they'd immediately notice a stranger if the last new person was "new" literally years ago.

"Also, don't take it to heart if some of us seem standoffish, not everyone is used to newcomers. Or even welcome to them.

"But yea, this is you." She said standing outside a classroom. I felt uneasy as I saw everyone staring through the sliver of a window on the door, as though they knew I was approaching before I actually arrived if that makes any sense.

"Thanks again for helping me. I'm sorry I made you late for your class."

"Oh I'm not worried, and it was my pleasure. Since we have our next class together, I'll come back and show you the way again."

"That'd be awesome," I smiled, "thanks!"

"Do you wanna exchange numbers in case you have questions?"

"Oh, I actually don't have a phone."

Jean raised her eyebrows, "you don't?"

I shook my head, I know, what kind of teenager doesn't have a phone?

"Oh well, in case you do get one, here's my number," she said and scribbled on a crumpled piece of paper. "If you see me in the halls, don't be afraid to ask me questions."

"Okay, I will," I said, then we went our separate ways.

My first friend. This wasn't so bad, things were starting to look up already.

—————————————————————-

Art ended up being really fun and I even got to sit next to Jean, another bonus was I got along great with everyone sitting at our table, they were really curious about me and asked lots of questions. I only wish I was a much more interesting person. My next class was PE, and I was not looking forward to this at all. I have absolutely no athletic bone in my body and my asthma won't let me exert myself more than my lungs can handle... which wasn't much, to begin with. It also sucked that my new friend, Jean, wouldn't be in this class.

For some context, my mom died when I was only two, so I was solely raised by my father, I love that man, but he's clueless when it comes to girls. For instance, I started wearing pads at 13 even though I actually got my period at nine years old. All because he didn't believe me when I told him I did I get it. It was a struggle making unreliable makeshift pads out of toilet paper those first few years. At 13 I begged my dad to buy me bras because I developed my breasts and they were getting harder to conceal. He said no because I was 'too young'.

Imagine my humiliation when I caught Tommy Davidson whispering and snickering with his friends while simultaneously pointing at my chest.

For all of the 7th and 8th grade, I wore only sweatshirts and several layers of shirts just so that no one could see my chest. Finally freshman year my dad gave in and took me to the thrift shop. I gotta get myself three bras that I thought were closest to my size. Now three years later, I've outgrown all of them and am now down to the very last one. I had to resort to wearing multiple tanks tops again, along with the very worn-out bra to keep them from spilling out. I wasn't exactly "small" in that area.

I do love my dad, and I know he means well, it's just that he can't see he's wrong. He's hopeless sometimes.

All the girls change into their PE uniform, a red shirt, and black shorts, I don't have any of those yet so I just meet all the other girls in the gym. Amongst the girly chatter, I sit alone and mostly ignored.

C'mon Angeline, you know you won't make any friends if you don't put yourself out there.

I spot another girl that isn't involved in the chit chat like everyone else. She's picking at her nails with a bored expression on her face.

Here goes nothing.

"Hi! I'm Angeline, I'm new here."

She gave me a once over then said, "kay."

Then said nothing else.

Great. I just made a fool of myself. As I'm about to walk away, she says, "Hey! Where are you from?"

"I'm from Chicago."

"Isn't that a city?"

"Yea."

"What's it like in the city?"

"Busy, always crowded, but at least there's always something to do. Have you never been to a city?" I said surprised.

She shook her head, then looked almost defensive, "I don't need to go to any city. I have everything I need here. I was just curious."

, "Oh I didn't mean anything by it! I'm just surprised is all. So does that mean you don't really travel?"

"No, I've never been outside Chambers before."

"Ever?"

"Ever."

"Wow, if you could leave, would you?"

"Yea, but just for a visit," she looked down at my outfit again. "Why you dressed like that?"

That was awfully blunt, but I don't think she was trying to be rude, just genuinely curious. "Like what?"

"Like a boy."

"It's just how I dress," I gave a careless shrug, I was hoping my cheeks weren't flushed in embarrassment. "Do you-"

My sentence is interrupted when she clamped her hand down on my arm and yanked me to the side.

"What are you doing?"

"Shh! You're in their way!" She said looking nervously behind me. I turn around and see three girls catwalking in as though it were a runway. Even the wind was blowing their hair away from their face in sync with their steps. They were all absolutely stunning, and you could tell they knew it. Especially the girl in the middle, she was Regina George level hot. But what weirded me out the most was how every girl's head was bent at an angle that exposed a certain degree of their necks, even the girl I was just talking to had her head bent to the side.

Once they were out of earshot, I asked, "whoah, who are they?"

"That's Vivienne, Carla, and Savannah. Vivienne is Alph-Keenan's girlfriend. No one messes with her, and you shouldn't either. In fact, make it a point to stay out of her way, the last girls Keenan screwed are still recovering. So just don't talk to him or make any eye contact with him for long periods of time. She's absolutely anal about him."

There was one girl like Vivienne in my old school too, her name was Taylor and she was pretty rude, but then again isn't there always a Taylor at every school?

However, I get the feeling she'd have to take some pointers from this Vivienne girl, especially if she can literally make the whole floor quiet and girls intentionally move out of her way. There was no way I was barking up her tree.

"Speaking of Keenan, I wonder where he's at. I haven't seen him all day-not that I care or anything." She stammered and looked around almost paranoid.

Apparently, my PE class was in the middle of the volleyball unit and unsurprisingly I was the only one that sucked at the sport, the way they played was like they deserved to compete in the Olympics. It was a very competitive intense match.

But at least I made somewhat of a friend in Ulisa, that was her name. She was nice I guess, very blunt and aloof but at least she talked to me?

——————————————————

At lunch I was comforted by the idea that I knew I'd at least have a lunch buddy, Jean invited me to sit with her.

The way the cafeteria was set up, there's the north end and the south end. Besides all your average cliques, it seemed the more popular you were meant that you sat at the north end of the cafeteria. Jean's table was located in the south end, I was surprised to see the girl from gym amongst Jena's table, along with two other girls and a guy. Jean introduced them as Derek, Sammy, Ulisa, and Angelica. It appears as though Derek and Angelica were in a relationship from the way they googly-eyed each other the whole lunch period. That's cute.

A couple things Jean made adamant to me in lunch was to A) make sure I stayed in my lane. Apparently, their school already had a hierarchy system in place that was very set in stone. B) was to stay out of Vivienne's s**t list, but Ulisa ready explained that one to me in gym. C) and most important was;

"Never, ever, EVER cross Keenan Hallins. Ever."

"Who?"

"He's the next- he's just a big deal in this town, his dad practically runs it. They could destroy your reputation, they could destroy you financially, even legally with the number of connections they have."

"How does one person have so much power? Which one is he? How will I know who he is?"

"I haven't seen him all day actually, he's probably not here. But you'll definitely know it's him when you see him. He's impossible to miss."

Just a couple hours ago, my hope coming here was to gain hundreds of friends and make my experience here the opposite of what it was in my old school. But by the way Ulisa and Jean are talking, it'd be best to fly under the radar instead. No worries, I'm an expert at that.

I learned a lot of things about my friend Jean, too. She's also never been outside Chambers either and says the first thing she wants to do when she graduates is to travel the world. She has big aspirations and I felt so excited for her just hearing her talk about it. Another peculiar thing I noticed, was that on the inside of her wrist, was a name. It wasn't a tattoo but looked like it was carved into her skin. The carving read the name 'Eric'.

———————————————————————

7th hour was my last class of the day, so far I would count today as a success, and now I'm actually looking forward to the rest of the school year.

My 7th-hour teacher Mrs. Howard directed me to sit all the way in the back in an empty black science table meant for two. The bell rings and everyone gets seated, I note that Vivienne and her friend Savannah are in this class, as well as some of the jocks I recognize from their cafeteria table. Vivienne and Savannah sat in a table near the front, while the guys sat at the table directly in front of mine.

Mrs. Howard was already more than halfway through attendance when the classroom door swung open, and a boy comes in. No, not a boy, but a full-grown man! His massive build overpowered the size of the class and hard muscles covered every inch of his body. He had a strong angular jaw and his eyes were as black as the night sky and his hair was just as dark but trimmed short. His height easily toward everyone in the school, and not to mention that he was possibly the most gorgeous human being I've ever seen in my entire life. His face alone must've been carved and chiseled by the gods themselves. After ogling his very defined features, our eyes connected, and I felt like someone just kicked in my ribs.

An overwhelming emotion I've never felt before overcame me, and I could only hear my heartbeat beating loud and fast in my own ears. I couldn't understand anything other than I wanted to jump into his arms and stay there forever.

Um, what?

One second he's across the room and the next he's standing only a couple of inches away from my face, saying something I can't comprehend.

"Huh?'"

"I said, you're in my seat. Move." His voice left no room for argument, and his sheer size alone intimidated the crap outta me. "Hey, are you deaf?"

My mouth was probably gaping open at his blunt rudeness. My anatomy teacher, Mrs. Howard gave a nervous laugh.

"Oh! That's my mistake! I meant the other seat." She gestured to the seat on the left of me, meaning I'd still be sitting right next to him.

I scooted one seat over but you could still cut the awkward and uncomfortable tension between us with a knife. The two boys sitting in the table in front of us did a complete turnaround.

"Keenan, my man, where have you been all day?"

OH MY GOD. This was the infamous Keenan Hallins? Why does it feel like every rumor and every warning leading up to this point was true? I buried my head in my textbook so we wouldn't make eye contact again. I could feel him glance my way before answering.

"I was just discussing... strategies with my dad and uncle Felix." He had an incredibly deep and smooth voice, one I was having a strange reaction to.

"Why did you bother showing up to school to attend only one hour?"

"Cuz my mom made me."

I let their voices fade into the background and from my peripheral vision I could see Vivienne glaring daggers at me. Oh crap! I've screwed up already! Maybe if I explain that I'm not interested in her man, she'll know that I'm not a threat?

Are you sure you're not interested? The little voice in my head instigated.

No! I don't even know him!

Keenan and his friends, who I just found out were named Tanner and Alan, kept on with their conversation for the entire period. No matter how loud they got or how obnoxious, the teacher didn't reprimand them once. Even when their voices completely drowned out hers, and it wasn't just them either. About only a handful of people in the entire class paid attention.

So much so, that some people actually got out of their seats to socialize, Vivienne being one of them. She gets out of her seat, struts over swiveling her hips, then sits right onto Keenan's lap, she wound her arms around his neck and gave him a huge smooch on lips. Watching that made me feel so sick to my stomach, I felt a painful zapping on my lips that I bit down on them. I've never experienced any type of heartache before so there's no way this could be that, again, I don't even know him. But something inside me just shattered into a million pieces and I felt crushed. I don't know why watching two strangers kiss is having this effect on my body.

"What are you looking at freak?!" Vivienne barked at me, face formed into a sneer.

"Um, nothing," I said quickly and buried my head in my textbook again.

"If you have something to say to me, say it!"

"I have nothing to say."

"What's your name Freak?"

I didn't answer.

"I'm talking to you Freak!"

I ignored her again.

"She asked you a question. Answer." This time it was Keenan who spoke, and the way he said it, so full of authority, had me answering only a millisecond later. Like I couldn't control my own mouth.

"I'm Angeline."

Vivienne snorted and said, "hmmm Angeline? That's a girl's name, you're a girl?" She said looking at my appearance up and down. I felt self-conscious under her scrutiny, my appearance is one of my biggest insecurities. Instantly I'm reminded of all the teasing in my old school.

Under her patronizing gaze, I didn't feel just poor but also dirty. I wouldn't belong here either.

"Never would have guessed," one of the boys, Tanner, chimed in.

Now they were all looking at me from top to bottom, from my crispy hair to my torn guy shirt, then down to my very old and worn shoes. Keenan's lips curled in disgust. I tried to fight the urge to run and cry. I could do that later, but even I knew to do that right now, in front of them, would only give them leverage to annihilate me.

"Nope! Angeline just won't do," Vivienne said in a condescendingly chipper voice. "I think I'll stick with Freak. Hm nah, on second thought, that's so unoriginal. How about s**t-stain? Turd? Ooooh, what about Vermin? After all, you literally look like a homeless man, it wouldn't be far from the truth."

Don't react. Don't react. Don't react.

"But I do like Vermin the most," Keenan contributed.

"Vermin it is then baby."

Just then I could see how the rest of my school career would play out. Nothing's changed, I'd be known as 'Vermin' from then on. How did I manage to do the one thing everyone told me not to do in the span of an hour? I've made an enemy out of both Vivienne and Keenan. How do I fix this?

"Um, I'm sorry if I offended you. Or if something I did or said rubbed you the wrong way. That was not my intention."

"Yea your hideous face and rancid smell in my presence offends me," Vivienne spat. "It's offending me right now."

Alan and Tanner break out into booming laughter, like that was the funniest thing they've ever heard.

Before I could think of a response, the bell rang. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I was relieved that I didn't cry in front of them but now I wanted to bawl. I don't know how to fix this, I really don't want to spend this year known as 'Vermin'.

————————————————————-

Arriving home, I sit down and write in my journal because I have no real friends to vent to. It was my only coping mechanism. After school, I'm usually home alone until my dad gets home around eight, so after I just finish catching up on the material we're currently learning. Then head downstairs to start making us some dinner. I make us some of my late grandmother's notorious pozole.

My dad comes home and can tell he's very tired. He just finishes his food in silence and falls asleep on the couch. I pull a blanket over him and give him a light kiss on the forehead.

As I get ready for bed, I can't help but feel nervous about what's in store for me at school tomorrow. I just know I need to do a lot of apologizing and damage control. I don't need or want anyone hating me.

Sleep calls to me, taking me under. As I close my eyes on the verge of drifting, I'm jolted awake by a painful zapping on my lips. This pain felt like I was being stabbed and electrocuted all at once. A jabbing pain that radiated and traveled. It traveled down to my neck, then to my chest, and then finally to my lower stomach. I bit my lip hard to keep from screaming.

Then it stopped.

What the heck was tha-

My thoughts are interrupted when I feel a searing pain in the most unexpected place... in between my legs.

I stuffed my face in my pillow to muffle my screams. The smallest of moves only intensified the pain. It hurt, it hurt so much.

Ten minutes.

Ten minutes of pure torture before it finally stopped.

In the end, I found myself in a fetal position, curled into a tight ball. My muscles were sore and my joints locked. I could taste tears and blood in my mouth from biting my lips so hard.

I took two shaky inhales from my inhaler.

Emotions I couldn't name coursed through my body. I felt like I just lost all control of myself. Before I knew it, I was sobbing myself into a restless sleep. My body felt raw and stripped, but worse.... I felt my heartbreaking.