The Pains of Guilt

Chapter 4

Takumi POV

"How did you know?"

"Then it's true."

"I didn't say that it is."

"And you didn't deny it either. So which is it?"

"Fine. It's true, I was pregnant. I found out about two weeks after we broke up and I was around eight weeks.”

I honestly didn’t expect her to admit it right away but then again, she’s a terrible liar so I would’ve gotten the truth either way.

“So how did you know?"

"Sora dropped a hint by asking me if there was anything unusual going on with you before we split. I remembered that when I last saw you, you looked more tired than usual and somehow bustier. Also how it looked as if your stomach was hurting when we fought. Then I remembered all the other weird things that were going on with you. Your increased appetite, random outbursts, frequent headaches, how you were constantly tired. She didn't say it directly but instead asked me if those sounded like symptoms for something. Why didn't you tell me when you found out?"

"Don't you remember? I told you that I'm not your problem anymore so you don't have to bother yourself with me. And when I said that you're dead to me, I was serious and still am. I also didn't need you and I never will."

"Were you ever going to tell me?"

"Obviously not. And what made you think that I would? What part of 'you're dead to me' don't you understand?"

I won’t lie, her words cut deep.

"So how's the baby?"

"I don't think that it's any of your concern."

"Actually because I'm the father, it is."

"Funny, I don’t remember ever giving a damn about that little bit of information."

"Ok, you're just being difficult."

"There it is. And here I was thinking that you said all that you needed to about me but of course you weren't done. If there's more you want to add on then go ahead and finish so I can leave and never come back."

"You know that's not what I meant."

"Do I?"

"Yes you do."

"Correction, I used to but it’s too bad that people change. And you, of all people, should know that very well."

"I know that you’re still angry and I’m most likely your least favourite person. I get it but it doesn't mean that I’ll stop caring."

"Cut the crap."

"What?"

"Don't you think that I know better than to believe or trust anything you say? I can forgive you infinity times but I can trust you only once. You broke that trust. But you know what, let's pretend that I'm an i***t and I believe you. And we both know that you wouldn't be saying that if there was no baby in the first place."

"But..."

"Trying to convince otherwise me is really pointless so save your breath. Since you wanted to know so badly, I got an abortion. Yeah that's right, that’s how much I didn’t want to have a child with you."

"What if we could go back?"

"Oh, f**k you. I’ve already wasted four years of my life with you so there’s no use in hanging onto the what ifs. Before you say anything, I don’t want your excuses because that’s all they are. Excuses. And I don't want your apology either because it's pointless. When you break a plate and say sorry to it, does it repair itself? No, it doesn't so spare me."

"Alright."

Third person POV

They sat there in silence.

"I lied." She said.

"Hmm?"

"I lied about getting an abortion but there was no point if she's just outside anyway. And it does save me the trouble of vaguely answering or dodging any questions she might ask about you."

"I already knew that you were lying and it was a little overkill."

"Oh please. As if you're one to lecture me about lying."

“Why does it feel as if you hate me?”

“I thought it was obvious.”

As if on cue, Natsumi came into the room.

"Mama, sleepy."

Twilight went over to pick her up. "We'll go home soon but you can sleep on me, ok?" But she didn't hear any of it because she was already fast asleep.

"So that's her, huh?"

"Yeah and her name is Natsumi."

"I see." He smiled.

"Let's get one thing straight: I hate you, plain and simple, and nothing in this world is going to change that. Just because you're the father of my pup, doesn't mean that I have to like you so you can forget about that ever happening. I didn't bring her into this world for you or for me, I did it to give her a chance at life. And I guess I don't have any right to deny her the right to know her father. None of this is her fault. But if we're going to make this whole co-parenting thing work then it's going to be on my terms. First, you stay out of my business like I'm doing with yours. The only person whose business you should involve yourself in is Natsumi's. Second, I don't want to fight with you in front of her and I won't as long as you follow the first term. Third, you can be involved in her life as much as you, I don't care but if she sheds even one tear because of you then I won't let you off so easily like last time. To put it simply, you damn well better be the best dad you can be to her. And fourth, I'll only let her visit if and when she wants to and if she ever decides that she doesn't want to see you anymore, which I really hope happens, then that's that. No ifs ands or buts. Am I clear on all that?"

"Crystal."

"Do you still live at the same apartment?"

"No, I moved back in with my parents."

"I'll let you know through Sora when I'm bringing her over."

Twilight POV

I got up to leave. I swear, if she locked the door again, I'll break it down this time. Luckily, she didn't.

"Hansuke, what are you doing here?"

"I live here."

"But isn't this her place?"

"It is."

"So it's not yours?"

"No, it is."

Wait, it's her place and it's also his place. So it's their place. Therefore, they're living together. Ok, that's new. Well, to me it is. Wait, they're living together?!

"What about that guy your dad told me about? You know, the one you wanted to marry even though you just met him."

"I'm that guy."

"Wait wait wait...Let me just...wait...What?"

"Let me summarise the long story. It all started the year after I met you, it was also the year I met her. She was picking up Takumi from my place and I thought that it'd be the first and last time I'd see. But surprise surprise, she shows up at my door the next day to confess her love. And get this, she didn't stop there. She went on to how we'll get married and have kids and then grandkids. At which point I stopped her, told her she was nuts and closed the door. You'd think she'd get the message but, not surprisingly, she didn't and she became a pest who wouldn't stop harassing me. I thought she'd grow tired of it but years passed and she didn't. Eventually, she started growing on me and I decided to give it a shot. That's pretty much it."

"You forgot to add that we're happy."

"That too."

I'll be honest, that story sounds a little familiar. If you know what I mean.

"I think I need a little more time to process this new and kind of weird information. But please, don't ever let her lock us in a room together."