You See Me

Chapter 10: Lilith

Karen comes into the hut crying.

“He doesn’t want to be with me,” she wails and falls into my unopen arms. She forces my arms open and sobs. This is awkward. Since when are blind people the de facto comforters of people? I already soothed one persons’s feelings already. Do I have to do another?

“What happened?” I ask not really wanting to know. She sniffs. I hope she’s not getting boogers on my hoodie.

“I went to his hut to try and comfort him and you know.. have s*x but he wouldn’t even let me kiss him. He was nice about it but you know that nice bullshit people do when they are trying not to hurt your feelings,” she tells me. She blows her nose into a clothe really loudly. I cringe and hope that no boogers are on my hoodie. I wore one of my favourite hoodies with Spongebob Squarepants on it.

“He said some s**t that he’s going through a lot right now and is not in the right mental state to have a girl and doesn’t want his s**t to affect me,” she says in a mocking tone.

“Maybe he’s telling the truth,” I tell her. She raises her head from my chest. She must be giving me a sceptical look right now.

“Think about it Karen…an über-rich Asian boy moves to rural Zimbabwe for a reason that we do not know? He could be under a protection program because his life is in danger and Zim is a relatively safe country where he would be hard to reach,” I tell her, revealing my suspicions. She’s quiet for a moment.

“Omigod, you might be so right! He’s trying to protect me from whatever is happening to him,” she exclaims.”I’m so dumb and selfish. It must be killing him to not be with me!” I just nod and wonder if she actually believes the bullshit that she’s spewing from her mouth. He’s just met her and has issues of his own to think of. This is no great romance story and modern day guys don’t have that capacity for romance and love anymore. We’re all a fickle generation. He got his nuts off and didn’t want her to think there’s more to it so he let her down gently using whatever situation he’s in to let her down. There’s nothing more to it than that. But I must be in a better mood than I thought that I was in because I don’t mention that to her.

There’s a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” Karen asks. She gets up from me, thank god.

“It’s Munya,” my brother says. I freeze. I thanked god too soon. Max is meant to be keeping my dickhead brother away. “I’m not coming in. I just picked some mazhanje earlier today and I know how much you like them so I got you some,” I hear the door open slightly and something is slide into the room. I keep quiet.

“Thank you Munya!” Karen says cheerfully.

“No problem,” Munya responds and close the door and he’s gone. I wonder if I can thank god now. Karen brings over the mazhanje to me.

“Let’s eat!” She tells me. I shake my head.

“I’m not eating anything that he gives me,” I tell her. I hear her sigh loudly.

“You know your brother seems really nice and like he really cares for you. You know he’s staying in the middle of nowhere and chopping wood all day to make sure that you’re okay,” she tells me.

“Just like you don’t know anything about Max and why he is here and why he rejected you, you don’t know anything about me and why I hate Munya and why he shouldn’t even be here,” I tell her. Karen goes quiet after that. I hear her sniffling. Okay, I hit a nerve. I sigh.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you. Look, I have personal s**t with my brother that runs way deeper than most people will ever know. I just don’t want to talk about it but can you respect that I don’t want him around me?” I asked her. I hear her sniff.

“I’ll respect that. I’m sorry. I guess I can be too pushy. Probably why…”

“…forget about Max, there are other Crazy Rich Asians that you can bag,” I tell her. Karen giggles. Well I have done my good deed for the day.

We go to bed after that and Karen tells me that she told Max a story about the time that her and her friends went on a train to Italy without telling their parents. I feel jealous when she tells me the story. That she can take risks like that because she can see. She doesn’t have to ever wonder if the stranger that she’s asked for help might try to take advantage of her or whether the place that she’s going to is friendly for blind people. I sigh as she speaks. I fall asleep while she’s still talking.

The next morning while I am taking a bath a message comes into my phone.

“You have received one thousand United States dollars from XXXX at XXXXXXX,” the announcement says. I had nearly forgotten the promise that I made to Patrick. Well at least this week I might have earned the money a little. That leaves me at two thousand dollars now. My heart leaps a little. I could definitely move out with this type of money…but my plan would have to be fullproof so that I would never have to move back in with my family again. Because the moment that I would move back in they would make sure that I will never move back out again. I think about checking to see if I can get a council flat to start off with but then realise that if I go to the UK, the cost of living would eat up my money faster than I could even look at it. Maybe moving to a cheaper country that’s also blind friendly would help. I can’t help but get excited. This is the first time that I actually have a chance to finally be in charge of my life and can have a chance to finally get away from my family.

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