You See Me

Chapter 4: Lilith

I can't believe that my father sent my brother to come and fetch me! This is so infuriating.

"It was kind of rude for you to slam the door in their face you know," Karen tries to tell me. I scream at her, a terrible inhuman scream that probably scares the s**t out of her because she doesn't say anything and keeps quiet. I feel a bit bad.

"I'm sorry but I just can't stand my brother and that my family still treats me like I'm a little kid when I'm a grown woman. I'm twenty for crying out loud," I tell her. I hear her sigh.

"Well you're still dependent on your family though," she tells me. Now it's my turn to sigh.

"Do you think that anyone wants to be dependent on their family as an adult? But my family acts like I can't do anything for myself and I never will be. After going to special schools for disabled kids and teaching me to read braille and all that it feels like it was all for show because now I'm an adult and I'm still denied the chance to live independently even though most of my life has ironically been dedicated to teaching me skills to survive as a blind person," I tell her and to my surprise I let out a sob. Instantly Karen's arms are around me.

"Dr. Nadine wouldn't let you go if you don't want to okay?" She tells me. I nod, feeling embarrassed by my sudden show of emotion. "Is it possible to tell your family how you feel?"

I scoff at that. "Do I look like someone that wouldn't tell you exactly what is on my mind?" I ask her. She laughs at that. "The only reason that they allowed me to stay here when my dad left is because Nadine said that you were here and a trained nurse skilled with working with blind people. I don't want to be restricted about where I go to places that have blind assistants," I tell her. "No offense,"

"None taken," she tells me.

"Sorry that I slammed the door in your boyfriend's face," I add. If I knew her I'd think she'd be blushing. She came in here smelling like condoms and sweat. There's only one guy that she could have slept with...

"He's not my boyfriend..." she begins in the shy way that girls who want a guy to eventually be their boyfriend talk.

"But you slept with him," I say to her.

"How do you know?" She asks me a little shocked. I can hear the panic rise in her voice. She must be thinking that they were too louda and a lot of people must have heard them.

"You came in here smelling like condoms and s*x. Being blind means that my other functional sense are a lot more acute including my sense of smell,"

I hear her make a little embarrassed squeak.

"It's just that..."

"You found him attractive and wanted to tap that. You don't need to explain yourself to me,"

"Do you think he likes me like that though?" She asks me, I can hear the longing in her voice.

"I don't know, I don't even know what he looks like," I tell her.

#

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I'm hoping that my brother has left when I come out of the hut around dinner time. Today is my turn to help cook. I'm doing the cutting. People always marvel at how good I am at it and how fast I can cut vegetables. It's something that I take pride in. I did junior culinary arts in school and hoped to maybe become a chef...until it became clear that my parents wouldn't let me go to a school that was away from them after high school. I had found an amazing culinary academy in Switzerland that was willing to give me a scholarship and also had facilities but had to reject it because my parents had boycotted the entire thing and refused to fund my transport there. And to make sure that I didn't raise the money myself they took away my guidance stick. I thought I had lost it and couldn't leave the house for a month until my parents had got me a new stick...conveniently after my chance to go to Switzerland had passed. When I had managed to piece together that had really happened we had been already at this village. My father had been here to preach the salvation of Jesus Christ and I had taken advantage of the situation to bed Nadine to convince to stay a little longer. My father had been reluctant but I had used the argument that I am twenty years old and I haven't had any experience yet and volunteering here would be good on my CV. He must be regretting that now but now I'm getting one thousand dollars a week for basically doing nothing. Even if Patrick doesn't live up to his promise I still have one thousand right now and I can do something with it when we return to the UK. It's enough for me to move out and find a way into a women's hostel if I need to until I can find something and support myself. There's aid for disabled people.

Now here he is trying to get my brother of all people to try and convince me to return back home. I know that my father extended his trip here to Zimbabwe by an extra three months to "accomodate" my decision to stay at the village. The fact that he'd use my brother just infuriates me. It makes me cut much more furiously than usual.

"Wow, and you're so good at cutting," a girl says close to me in Shona, "How do you do it? Could you show me one day?" I turn to the direction of her voice.

"What's your name?" I ask her.

"Chiedza, I was brought here with my baby a few weeks ago," she continues in Shona. I tell her to sit beside me and get a cutting board which she does. I instruct her on how to cut in my broken Shona and she learns quite fast. She tells me a bit about herself. That was from a village close to Bulawayo and her family and basically sold her off to an older man who promised to take care of her and her family if she became his wife. She had run away heavily pregnant and walked to Bulawayo where she by a miracle had come across a person that took her to a women's rights organisation and they had taken her here to Kufunda Village. She was now learning to read and write. I thought it was weird that she spoke Shona when she was from the Matebelelands, but she also speaks Ndebele (the more popular language in that region). She was hoping to be able to writer her O'level exams and then become a doctor and give her daughter a much brighter future than she had been given. I thought that was inspirational. This reminds me of the Zimbabwean woman that I had once seen on Oprah Winfrey that had been married from a young age and had not had a chance at education until an aid worker had heard that she wanted to get educated and somehow she had ended up in the United States. I wonder if Chiedza will have a story like that as well. This reminds me about how privileged I am as well. Even though I'm blind I was born into a middle class family and was given an education when most blind kids in Zimbabwe don't get that. It was likely that I would have been r***d by many men because I can't see and they could just get away with it. But then again if I had grown up in Zimbabwe I might not be blind right now.

Talking to Chiedza makes me forget that my brother here and lifts my mood...until my brother comes and literally sits besides me and asks to help with the cooking. Having him near me makes my skin crawl. Why the hell is he still here? They ask him to help collect water and I can tell from the excited chattering of the girls that they're impressed with his muscles and strength. The way that most girls are. Most people think of him as such a nice guy including all of his ex-girlfriends but none of them know what kind of monster he is except me. My parents conveniently tend to forget what a s**t he is. Like when they send him to be the one that collects me.

He collects all the water and gives the girls a reason to rest and they are all giggling and swooning over him. This is pissing me off hard. He then asks for an ax so that he can cut down some trees and get some fire wood instead of us collecting branches all the time. Even Dr.Nadine is charmed by him.

"Wow, your brother is beginning to make me look really lazy," I hear a voice say beside me. Great the Asian again.

"Well then maybe you should get off your lazy ass and help around instead of lazing about like an entitled rich prick," I tell him. I hear him suck in his breathe. He's angry. I hear him stand up and go away. Good, he shouldn't be under the impression that we're friends.

"Hey can you show me how to cut wood too? I want to help," I hear him say to the Monster. The Monster hiding his true nature good-naturedly tells him that's no problem and now the girls in the camp are swooning over two hot guys doing hot guy things. I roll my eyes and nearly cut my finger.

"f**k!" I exclaim.

"Lilith, please don't use profanity," Dr.Nadine tells me. I hear the women around me whispering.

"Sorry," I apologise and get up. I take my guidance stick and leave.I hear someone following me.

"Lilith," Dr.Nadine calls from behind me. I turn around.

"I won't let your brother take you okay of you don't want to go, but he may be staying with us for a while to keep an eye on you,"

"Are you fucking...sorry, but I came here to be independent and not have my family babysitting me and now that's being taken away from me,"

"What happened a yesterday was scary Lilith and I know that it's important to have independence and the need to have agency over your life but we're in the middle of the bush. It's dangerous and something very bad could have happened to you when you just rushed off without your guidance stick. Do you think that I want to have your death on my conscious because I gave you independence in an environment that I should have been more aware that you would need some extra help and honestly Karen can't be watching you all the time either but your brother is specifically here for you," I suck in my breath and turn back to walk away.

"I'm sorry for being such a burden to everyone," I say, I try to speak steadily but the tears in my voice are audible. I hear Dr.Nadine sigh and she comes over and places a hand on my shoulder.

"You are a very capable young lady Lilith, but there are sometimes situations where you might need a little help. Like tonight we got a little help from the boys by them chopping woods. Honestly none of us wanted to do that and it would be a great physical toil that none of us would want to undertake. People are there to support each other and I know how it can suck when your family won't let you be independent but I won't let your brother dote on you. He'll just make sure you don't rush off without your guidance stick but you will still be expected to do your work and all the other activities. As usual okay?" I nod.

"Do you want to have your dinner in your room?" She asks me gently. I nod and walk to my hut. I enter the blankets until Karen comes with my dinner. Its' spaghetti with mince.

"What's with the massive improvement in food?" Are they still trying to impress the Asian prince?" I ask her.

"I think that his family donated a large sum of money," Karen tells me. "They're planning to do some structural developments here too and build a school for the women as well instead of using that cottage. It's going to have a library and everything," she tells me.

"That's nice for the girls. I met this girl named Chiedza today and she's super excited to get an education and do something with her life," I tell Karen. Karen is quiet for a moment, I feel like she's looking at me.

"What?" I ask irritated.

"I'm just surprised. Underneath your rough exterior there is a soft heart I believe," she tells me. I roll my eyes.

"Don't get too comfortable. It's just that she had a touching story that's all"

"Only people with hearts can get touched," Karen teases as she leaves the hut. I finish eating and whenI'm about to lie down and sleep there's a knock on the door. I tense. It could be my brother. I'm right.

"Get the fuck..."I begin. He walks inside. "If you don't leave now I'll scream.

"So only the guy's room has a bed right now," he mentions. "Are you comfortable? I can arrange for you to get a bed too and better blankets. Maybe a few snacks as well if you feel hungry between..."

"Fu...."

"Yes, yes f**k off I know. You've been saying it to me for more than a decade. It doesn't affect me as much anymore. You know there was a scorpion found in one of the other girl's huts a few days ago and that's really dangerous. I don't want you getting hurt," he continues. I scoff. I hear him sigh.

"Since you don't want to go back home now, I'm staying here so I'm going make sure that everything is fine and you don't go running into the bundu without your guidance stick,"

"You can get out now," I tell him coldly. He sighs one more time, takes my plate and heads to the door.

"Good night," he says to me. I don't answer him like I haven't answered him in fourteen years.

I decide to take to take a bit of a walk, my brother just ruined sleep for me. I get my guidance stick and begin to walk. Soon I hear that there's someone following me.

"f**k off Munya!" I screech.

"Actually..." great it's the Asian guy.

"Why are you following me?" I ask him. I wave around my guidance stick. "As you can see I have my guidance stick with me," I hope that me waving it around will keep him a safe distance away. But instead I feel him grab my hand.

"Calm down, it was either I came after you or your brother. I can see that you don't really like him that much so I thought I would follow you," he tells me.

"I have my stick!" I exclaim.

"And it's evening,"he tells me.

"Did it occur to you that it's evening all the time for me anyway?"

"And if you come across a snake or something dangerous? You had people really worried about you yesterday so please allow me to accompany you on your walk," he tells me. I sigh. He's a better option than my brother at least.

We walk in silence. He insists that I hold his arm and he guides me through the bush.

"You take walks and run away when you're frustrated don't you?" He asks.

"Don't try to psychoanalyse me please," I tell him . He laughs.

"It's just that it's a noticeable habit of yours," he mentions.

"Just like it's a noticeable habit of yours that you don't want to talk about why you came down to Zimbabwe in much detail," I mention. I feel him tense up. He definitely has something to hide. "Don't worry I don't want to die so I won't pry into your affairs and I respectively ask you not to pry into mine,"

"Why would you die," he asks with an edge to his voice. I pause.

"Because not being able to keep rich people's secrets leads to death in third world countries," I say trying to sound casual but feeling the hair rise on the back of my neck. He stops walking.

"Look, I'm not a murderer and I would never hurt you.I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable," he says. I pause.

"Can we just walk then? When you pause like that without warning that's what makes me feel uncomfortable," I tell him. He begins to walk again.

"I'm sorry if I seem secretive. I just have some really messed up s**t happening in my family and I needed a chance to get away. You're not the only one that comes from a messed up family you know," he tells me.I turn to him. Weird as I can't see him but I can sense him a bit. "You know what? Don't deny that you came here to get away from your family. You come from the UK, live in Zimbabwe and your dad preaches here for a few days and you decide to stay regardless of them telling you not to? You know what it's like,"

I pause. He does have a point. "I'm sorry, family can suck. But I doubt that the heir to a billion dollar empire has the same problems as me," I tell him.

"Everyone has problems. None are greater than the other,"

"Bullshit,"

"Think about it. When you're happy does anyone tell you not to be happy because there are people better off than you. So why do we tell people when they're sad that there are people worse off than them so they shouldn't be sad. Emotions are emotions regardless of our circumstances," he tells me. That's deeply philosophical, I grunt an answer and ask him to take me back to the village.

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