Between Love and Hate

Chapter 1

Alex woke up with a terrible headache. He had barely slept the previous night. The thought of Layla with another man had haunted him until the wee hours of the morning. A big part of him suspected that she had just hinted at having a lover just to anger him but the truth was, he wasn't sure and it drove him crazy.

Jealousy was a new feeling for him in relationships. The thought of another man kissing her, pleasuring her, hearing her moans of pleasure made him want to go look for that man and beat him up to a pulp. Alex had never believed in violence and it deeply disturbed him that in the last few months, since his marriage to Layla, he had more violent tendencies than he had in his whole life.

Alex knew for his own peace of mind he needed to end his relationship with Layla. He missed his life before her, orderly and controlled. These days he was distracted and out of sorts because of her and Alex knew it could not continue, but the thought of not having Layla in his life made a heaviness settle in his chest and had him feeling like he was dragging some enormous thing behind him. It was a mess and now they had added a baby to it.

He felt stupid for being surprised , it's not like they had done anything to prevent the pregnancy. Truth be told, with the way they have s*x, it was surprising that she hadn't gotten pregnant sooner. When they first got married they had talked about the possibility of pregnancy and they had both been okay with it. Alex always wanted to have a child and at 34 he wasn't getting any younger. Honestly, one of the reasons that had convinced him to marry Layla was he thought she would be a good mother, a better mother than Cassandra and even his own mother, who had always been cold and distant. Looking back on his childhood, he could never remember receiving any words of affection or even a hug from his mother. He wanted better for his kids. But with the way he always fought with Layla, Alex worried his future child would grow up in a war zone.

.

It took him a little longer to have a bath and then get ready for work. By the time he went into the kitchen it was already past 7 when he usually left home at half 6. In the kitchen he saw Layla already having breakfast. He knew he should have handled the previous night better but Layla always brought out the worst in him and it seemed he also brought out the worst in her.

"Good morning" Alex winced as he saw Layla stiffen at his voice, her eyes becoming guarded.

"Morning Alex" Layla frowned at the time, surprised at seeing Alex home. He was terribly punctual and a time freak, and after a few months of marriage she usually knew what he was doing at any specific time of day.

"Is everything okay?" Alex raised one eyebrow at Layla, who was fidgeting in her chair.

"You usually leave home around 6 every day, now it's almost half 7"

"I have a headache"

"Oh, sorry. Have you taken any pain killers? I should have some in my bag". Layla rummaged in her bag looking for the pills. She always carried them since she usually had really terrible migraines and period pains. Feeling good about finding them so quickly, she smiled and handed them to Alex, standing up to get some water for him. Alex looked at her suspiciously, feeling his headache intensify. Yesterday, after she told him she was pregnant, Layla had been vicious towards him and he was expecting more of the same attitude today. Her being nice confused him.

Her anger never seemed to last long and even when he knew she was angry at him she was always doing things for him, heating his food for him and other small things that seemed to come natural to her but were foreign to him.

"You should buy a bag with compartments to help keep your stuff organized, " Alex said. Layla's smile froze on her face, feeling judged. Taking the glass of water, she placed it in front of Alex and sat down, her mood ruined.

"Thank you" Alex said frowning at the glass of water. He knew he said the wrong thing to Layla and silently cursed himself.

"It's just water, it's not poisoned." Alex's headache intensified further. Not for the first time, Layla misinterpreted his actions. It's not that he thought she would do something to him, he just never knew how to respond to her kindness. He took four pills and threw them into his mouth and gulped down all the water even though he didn't want it.

"You should take 2, it's written on the bottle" Layla said trying to hide a smile.

"If I take twice more, won't it work faster?" Despite herself, Layla found herself smiling at Alex. She wondered if their child was going to be a boy and if he was going to be like him. He was crazily intelligent but sometimes seemed so socially inept. Awkward in most situations, even though at first impression you would think he was cold and arrogant, which he sometime was

.

"I am pretty sure it doesn't work like that. Also, the more you take the more the side effects, I think." Alex took the bottle and read it and shrugged. Since their marriage they had never eaten breakfast together and Layla found the experience rather nice. She couldn't help but steal glances at Alex when she thought he wasn't looking. Maybe she should start waking up early so they could have breakfast together. She felt guilty about how she had acted yesterday and frustrated at how they never seemed to get it right and with a baby on the way, Layla felt defeated.

"You should be what 9 weeks?" Layla's cycle was like clockwork and Alex was just the kind of man who noticed such things, so she wasn't surprised he had already calculated the days.

"Roughly, the accuracy is give or take a week" She could see the wheels turning in his head,10 weeks before he was away and 8 weeks ago he had also gone away for a trip but then affairs went limited to the night time, that's what Layla thought he was thinking anyway.

"So how are you feeling?"

"Same as usual, just some dizziness and nausea in the morning. Appetite still good. The nurse says I am really lucky that I haven't lost my appetite and don't have more symptoms. Maybe it would happen" Alex nodded.

"So what did you say about the paternity test?" Alex stiffened at her words and his eyes narrowed at her.

"I don't think that would be necessary Layla"

"Don't you? If we don't people are always going to wonder if the baby is yours?"

"And whose fault is that?" Layla's s shoulder's stooped and she looked at her plate cheeks burning. During her teens and early twenties she had gone through some wild years and had gone crazy. She had been the ultimate party girl and had always been on the arm of a different man every week. She grew up but it made it so easy for people to think the worst about her. In six months of being marriage a rumor had already come out that she was cheating on Alex. She hadn't denied the allegation when Alex had asked her, she now regretted that decision.

"You knew about my past before you married me, I never lied to you" Layla snapped.

"It's not your past that concerns me, or is the problem, it's what you are doing while we are married now." Alex retaliated and before Layla could reply he continued.

"Fidelity was never a requirement for our marriage anyway and I am sure you took the necessary precautions so you wouldn't get pregnant by your other lovers, so if you say the baby is mine, then I believe you" Layla almost rolled her eyes but refrained, her annoyance growing. She guessed she should be grateful that Alex believed in her ability to prevent conception, though his words brought her no comfort.

Standing, Layla took her dishes to the dishwasher and loaded them. Not for the first time she wondered how she got herself into this terrible predicament. She knew she deserved better than this, but she just couldn't leave and now, with a baby on the way , everything had just gotten more complicated.

"For your doctor's appointments would you want me there?" Layla turned to look at Alex.

"Would you want to be there?' Layla asked, turning back to her dishes.

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to be there ". For a moment she considered telling him that his presence wouldn't be necessary. But she knew that was just petty, the proverbial cutting your nose to spite your face.

"I would like that, I would have to check with Dr Zane but I would make sure I will tell you in advance so you can make time." Alex looked at her as if he thought she would deny him but nodded at her and left the kitchen. For a moment Layla watched his retreating back, wondering how much more of this she could take. She had made her bed and now she had to lie in it unless she left Alex, a small voice in her mind said. For a moment Layla considered it, she was well off and there were many single divorced woman doing well out there. Why couldn't she be one of them? Her phone beeping brought Layla back from her thoughts and Layla opened it to see a message from her father agreeing to meet her for lunch. With a smile on her face, Layla made her way to her room. At least one person would be happy about her pregnancy.