Psychosis

Throwing Shade

I can’t tell you what day COVID-19 hit the US. I can’t tell you how I was affected. I decided to completely shut down my shop. Wildflowers didn’t get a chance to go under, so I gave away most of what there was and wrote up fake records stating how much I had made from each sale of the remnants.

Money laundering now, eh?

Shut the f**k up.

In place of the flower shop, I opened a new business and named it Black Cat Transport, ‘If it fits, it ships.’ Due to the pandemic wreaking havoc on the entire world, Black Cat Transport exploded with business.

I moved everything. From ten-dollar baggies of meth to some dope whores’ front doorstep to thousands of dollars in weapons between dealers to Valentine’s Day gifts and even people. It was so lucrative and thrilling. My kids stayed home with Roselyn while I worked nights.

Eventually, after pushing my body to its limits, I fell ill. I had had asthma and bronchitis for most of my life, but this time around it really took me down.

One cool evening in late February of 2020 while hacking up a lung, I had opened my garage doors and was looking around for my coat when an unfamiliar voice popped up from behind. When I turned, I was faced with the young man who had been hanging around my neighbors.

He was a pale thing with short jet black hair, styled in a high fade but grown out a bit. His jawline was sharp, his dimples were deep, his smile was crooked, and by God, he had rootbeer-colored eyes. Easily the most beautiful man I had ever spoken to.

I blinked and shook my head to snap back to reality, “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

He stuck his hands in his pockets and shrugged with a grin, “I was just asking if you needed help.” A lock of dark hair fell onto his forehead.

I looked around and took a slinking step closer, “I’m good, I don’t need help, just looking for my coat.” I looked at him from top to bottom. A long sleeve black shirt with a brand name down one arm, dark gray skinny jeans, skater shoes, and a bandana in his back pocket. He was slender and not quite six feet tall.

Very suspect.

“So what’s the deal, are you their son or nephew or something?”

He laughed and it was so charming, that I was sure he was an incubus. “No, nothing like that. Friends, they treat me like family. I’m Damien.”

The cake is a lie.

Lies or not, his cake is worth tasting, he’s f*****g unreal. I finally lost my mind. I’m actually in a coma imagining this.

Don’t be a fool.

“Damien, huh. Friends? You look like a teenager.”

He laughed again. “I’m twenty-one.”

No. f*****g. Way.

“Uhm, I’m gonna need to see your ID, sir.” Can you believe this gorgeous motherfucker whipped it out? I glared at his birthday.

I would typically tell you it’s just a coincidence but really what are the odds?

“Your birthday is really April eighth?” My eyes burned.

“Of ninety-eight. So am I old enough to get your number?”

My jaw dropped. “You’re asking me for my number? Why?”

“Uhm, you’re pretty, duh.”

My cheeks flared. He smirked and batted his long black eyelashes. I handed him my phone. “I’m Kara. And I have to get ready for work tonight, so hurry up.” The corners of my mouth twitched upwards.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Kara.” Upon returning my phone with his newly programmed number, he pulled my hand up and bowed to kiss it.

That’s one smooth motherfucker.

Later that same evening after the kids had fallen asleep, I walked out the front door, coughing twice as bad as I had earlier that day, and without a coat no less.

“Hey, Kara!”

“f**k!” I jumped away from the noise. Damien was standing at the edge of the property line. The neighbors were outside with several unfamiliar people. “You scared the bejesus out of me. What’s up?”

“Why are you so paranoid?”

Drugs.

“Just not used to people shouting my name like that.” I fell into a not-so-subtle coughing fit.

“Aren’t you cold? You’re sick too? Where are you going this late?”

I caught my breath and said, “It’s not that cold, I’ve been sick most of my life, and I told you I work nights.”

“Ah. Well, why not take a night off? I’m always seeing you coming and going, don’t you ever take a break?”

You are the boss and he looks down to f**k.

Shut up, I’m not going to f**k him.

How are you going to really lie to yourself like that?

“I mean, I already have a sitter, if I don’t go to work, what will I do?”

“I can clear my schedule and we can hang out.” He winked at me and my soul left my body.

I glared at him. My words caught in my throat. My palms were sweaty. My arms, spaghetti. “Alright, I’m a wagering gal. This is all a trap from the universe but f**k it. I’ll play along. Come with me.” I stepped off of the right side of my porch onto a path behind my hedges and gestured for him.

Ha, made him come with one finger.

We walked around the house and went up the staircase leading to the terrace. He was awestruck with the design of my house and gawked. I turned on a tall lighthouse lamp that my father had gifted me, it gently illuminated the table we would sit at. He took the seat that leaned against the wall and faced the neighbor's house, I took the seat to his right and positioned it so that I could face him, my back was to the street.

“Oh, hold that thought.” I disappeared inside through the doors leading into my lofted dining room and jogged down the staircase to grab a blanket and some drinks. “Sorry about that,” I huffed as I sat down, “I didn’t want to be a rude host.”

“Says the woman making me sit in the cold.” He arched an eyebrow at me and grinned.

I drooled. Dimples.

“Well, in all honesty, I don’t know you yet so I mean, I can’t just let you inside. My kids are in bed and my cousin is here and I just can’t do strangers right now. Besides,” I held up my black and red Christmas quilt, “Being out in the cold gives us a reason to share a blanket.”

He blushed.

Dear God, he's cute.

“It would be an honor.” He pulled the quilt over his lap then reached down and placed my right foot on his leg.

Don’t forget about what the last pretty boy did to you.

I can’t be that unlucky.

Damien slipped my boot off and gently rubbed my ankle. “This is the one you injured, right? I’m not being a creep, I just noticed you have a slight limp.”

“I broke my ankle last July. Very perceptive. So tell me, Damien, what made you want to approach me?”

“You cut your hair. I see you around a lot but I guess you don’t notice me much. I’ve been living next door since last August. It was honestly a f*****g shock when I saw you driving that rickety matchbox and then out of nowhere a Stallion and a sportbike show up.”

“Don’t you DARE insult, Remy. And, I don’t drive them much, honestly, I’ve been considering moving them closer to work since I mostly use them as work vehicles.”

“Tell me about work. Why do you need a race car and a superbike? I thought you were a florist.” He tugged my other boot off and rested his hands on top of the quilt, hugging my feet.

“When COVID hit the states, I sold everything and opened a shipping service instead. It’s called Black Cat Transport. It’s clever, I’ll deliver anything. If it fits on the bike or in the car, it ships anywhere in the US. I usually don't go much farther than six hours away.”

He lit up. “Are you hiring by chance?”

“I’m not.” I chuckled.

“Wait, was that? Nah, couldn’t be, did you just smile?”

My cheeks flared up again. “Listen here, I’m capable of being happy and smiling and stuff. Honestly, the biggest reason I don’t is my health.”

Are you already lying to this man?

“I hate to hear that. So this probably isn’t my business, but where is their dad?”

For a moment I was thrown back to 2018, to the day when I became a single mom. “Well, he’s not around anymore. He left me with what I needed to take care of the kids, and he was gone before I even knew I was pregnant with my daughter. He was an asshole, so I don’t try to miss him too much.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that. My dad died when I was little and my mom couldn’t take care of all of us alone. I ended up being adopted. They’re not so bad.”

Ow, my heart.

“So do you get to see your birth family?” I sipped my drink.

He looked down and blinked back tears. “Unfortunately no, I saw them a couple of years ago for the first time but things went south fast.”

“Is it okay if I ask about it?”

“I got tied up in some bad stuff with some bad people. Someone died protecting me and someone else went to prison for my f**k up.”

“Oh.” I sighed heavily, wondering why I’d pried. My drink was almost empty. I took one of his cigarettes and stood up, then I leaned on the railing facing the street. “What did you do that was so bad?”

A moment passed and he appeared at my side with a lighter. He flicked it and I inhaled while pressing my shoulder against his. In not much higher than a whisper, he muttered one simple word.

“Meth.”