TAINTED HEARTS (ENGLISH)

TAINTED HEARTS 16

Chapter 16

“You’ll get cold.” He pushed me away from his chest. “Go inside and go back to sleep. Okay?”

I stayed a little longer but nodded slowly. I turned away quietly; I wondered if admitting my feelings to him was the right thing to do. I confessed, but he didn’t respond. Was he that shocked he couldn’t answer?

I walked back toward the house. In a daze. My shoulders slumped and my eyes were downcast when I heard him sigh.

“Xena…”

I turned again when he called my name. I could only give a small smile. Is there something wrong? Why is there fear in his eyes after I told him I love him? Why does he seem not to like it?

My eyes looked dim as they stared at him. I stopped a few steps away and didn’t go closer. He stared back at my eyes as if he were reading something there.

Eventually, he sighed. He opened his mouth and closed it again, as if hesitating to speak. He licked his lips, and instead of saying anything, he just lifted his arms, urging me to hug him. My sad smile melted and I only looked at his arms.

He smiled. “Come here.”

I bit my lip. I hesitated, but in the end I ran to him and hugged him.

“Don’t be upset, alright?” he whispered affectionately.

I tightened my hug and nodded.

“I’m not affectionate, and it’s not easy for me to say it. I will tell you those words at the right time. Could you wait?” He hugged me tightly and kissed the top of my head.

I nodded and smiled. I wasn’t asking for an answer. I just wanted him to know how I felt. But now that he said he would say it back at the right time, it felt like he had already answered — that he loved me too.

We separated from the hug and I looked up at him. He quickly lowered his lips to place them on mine. His kiss was slow and shallow. My eyes felt sleepy when he broke the kiss.

“Your clothes are thin. You’ll get sick if you don’t go inside yet,” he said.

I nodded. After a quick kiss, he sent me inside. I watched him from my window. He waved and got into his car.

“Whooh…” A deep sigh escaped my lips. Saturday and Sunday arrived — the days he was teaching me how to drive.

“Xena!”

I’d close my eyes at his shout every time I almost crashed. I’d look at him sheepishly.

“Don’t yell at me like that! I can’t think straight!”

He shook his head and gave me a stern look. Ever since he started teaching me, the frown between his brows never goes away.

“If I don’t call you loudly, you won’t stop the car! I’m the one teaching you, yet you’re the one mad?”

I was about to answer, ‘You're the one who said you would teach me, so why are you complaining now?’ Instead I just laughed because he was clearly irritated. His whole neck turned red. His brows furrowed and he gave me an angrier look because I laughed.

“What’s funny?”

I laughed again and opened my mouth to answer. “Nothing!”

He was about to say something else but I had already started the car again. I eased it forward and everything would have been fine except a cat ran across the road. I panicked. Instead of hitting the brake, I stepped on the accelerator. I turned the steering wheel to avoid the cat. But because I panicked—and because my foot was stiff on the accelerator—I couldn’t lift my foot.

“s**t!” Lennox swore when we hit a tree.

It wasn’t hard, but something at the front of his car was damaged. We both fell silent. I bit my lower lip hard because of what happened while the guy next to me was breathing quickly. We looked at each other—still in the same state. I grimaced when I read worry in his eyes.

“Are you okay? Are you not hurt?”

I shook my head and bit my lower lip hard. I thought he’d be angry. We had a similar incident yesterday, and I figured driving wasn’t for me.

“I think I broke it? Maybe you should stop teaching me?” I bit the nail of my thumb and looked at him pleadingly.

He laughed at the sight of me. He pulled my hand away from my mouth. After unbuckling his seatbelt, he got out and inspected the damage to the front of the car.

“I’ll have it fixed later,” he said as he opened the driver’s door on my side. “Move to the front seat. I’ll take over this seat now. I’ll drive you home.”

He moved me to the other side and took over driving.

“Okay,” I replied softly.

“You damaged it worse this time. We’ll be able to use it again next week.”

I stayed silent while he reversed the car. I kept thinking about how bad the front looked and how much it would cost to fix. Because he wanted me to learn, he ended up spending on repairs. Yesterday I’d broken it too and he had it fixed right away so we could use it today. Now, I’d crashed it again.

“Why is my baby pouting?” he teased with a crooked smile. I couldn’t help but smile too.

He laughed and caught my hand.

“It’s alright. Don’t think about the car. I bought it for you to practice, so you can destroy it whenever you want.”

I couldn’t help but laugh and grin. He laughed too.

In the past few days, we had become more careful at school. He respected my wishes because before I met him, those were the things I dreamed of: to graduate and raise my family’s standing. He didn’t complain and even helped me with my studies.

“Like this is enough. You shouldn’t complicate your answer…”

We were in my room. He was sitting while I lay facedown with a hugging pillow. The final exams were near and he promised that if I got the highest score he’d take me to an island for a vacation.

Truth was, I wasn’t worried about my grades. I just wanted to be with him, so I agreed to let him teach me even though I already knew some of the lessons. I used to spend time in the library and did advanced learning, so I was familiar with some teacher discussions.

“Aren’t you listening?”

I smiled. He looked handsome even when serious and sulky. While still lying face down, I propped myself up on one elbow and rested my chin on my palm. I stared at him while he looked down because he was sitting.

He heaved a sigh. “You are not listening. Let’s just go down to the living room if you don’t want to study.”

He didn’t want the idea of staying in my room with me. Mama was out visiting a few of her friends whom we left behind at our old place. My two youngest siblings were already asleep. Along was playing new games in the living room.

“Let’s just stay here. It’s noisy downstairs,” I said.

He looked at my face. He sighed when he glanced at a little bit of my chest that was showing. He licked his lower lip and lowered his gaze to the book he was teaching me from. He closed the book, apparently about to go down alone, but I grabbed his hand before he could stand up.

“Where are you going? Let’s just stay here—”

“Staying here with you isn’t a good idea,” he said seriously, taking his arm back.

I flinched and sat up properly. I scowled when he opened the door and faced me.

“Let’s go—”

“Let’s just stay here,” I cut him off.

He sighed impatiently. “Xena…” he warned while opening the door wide, asking me to leave.

I shook my head and bit my lower lip. Instead of following him, I closed my eyes and lifted the dress I was wearing. When I peeked in, I saw his eyes widen. He swallowed hard and angrily shut the door.

“What the f**k are you doing?” he asked, now mad.

I bit my lower lip harder as I looked at him. I reached behind to unhook my bra and quickly did. Before I completely undressed, he was already in front of me, stopping my hands. I had already undone the hook but the fabric was still covering my chest. I looked him in the eyes.

“I want you, Lennox. Please?” I pleaded in a weak voice.

I was truly in love with him. I felt like we weren’t close enough. I felt incomplete. I wanted to feel him in every way. Not just a kiss. Not just second base. I wanted him all the way.

“You don’t know what you’re saying, Xena!”

He removed my hand and re-hooked my bra.

“I know what I’m doing! How about you? Aren’t you my boyfriend?”

He looked me in the eyes as he pulled my dress back on.

“Do you want to? Do you want us to be official?”

I nodded. He stroked my hair and his eyes softened.

“Do you want me to be your boyfriend, even if you don’t know me?”

“We are kissing, and you are touching me. Isn’t that what lovers do? And most importantly, you like me. You don’t kiss and touch a girl you don’t like, do you?”

His lips parted firmly and his hands clenched. I didn’t know why he seemed to struggle answering my questions. He seemed to avoid confrontation.

We were silent for a few moments, both staring. His eyes drifted. He couldn’t look me straight in the eyes.

“Is it true that you have a live-in partner?” I asked.

He paled and his eyes widened when he looked up at me. I went pale too and was surprised. He didn’t answer, but I could read something on his face.

“Is what I heard true?” My voice broke.

“X-Xena…” He swallowed and took a step toward the side of the bed.

He became blurred in my vision as everything confirmed itself in his reaction. If that’s so, it’s true that there’s another woman. Wait, no. Am I the other woman?