Loving My Ex

Prologue Tina's Point of View

"Tina let's break up."

"I can't do this anymore. All we do is hurt each other and you never tell me what's wrong."

"It's been going on for so long. Things just keeps on repeating. You never tell my why you're angry and we just pretend that we make up just like that. "

"I'm really sorry but we can't do this anymore."

I looked up to him he was a full head taller than me.

And again I didn't say anything.

I just waited for him to finish like I always do.

"Tina I loved you I really did. But we can't work this out anymore."

I was staring at him trying to memorize his face. And I didn't notice that I was already crying.

He wiped my tears like he used to. He pulled me close and hugged me tight.

I know this will be the last time I can hug him so I buried myself in his embrace.

I was hurting. I'm breaking deep within. He said he loved me. So he no longer does. But I still do. And I will always love him even if I have to love him from a far.

"Ethan the only thing I did wrong is loving you more than myself."

"I lost myself while loving."

"If letting you go will make you happy then so be it."

"You may not love me anymore but know that I still do."

"I never told you what I was thinking because I thought I was protecting you and I thought I was doing the right thing."

"I never thought that it will be the reason for me to lose you."

" If loving me hurts you then please don't ever love me again."

I felt him kiss my forehead. And I felt tears on my shoulder. He's crying too.

"Ethan please remember. I may not be worthy enough to stand beside you again but know and remember that I will always believe in you. I will believe in you when everyone doubts you. If you will ever feel like your alone and no one loves you, only then must you remember me because I will always do."

I stepped back from his hug and I looked up to him. I saw the tears also streaming down his face. And it hurts me more to see him hurting.

I reached up to his face and wiped his tears.

"Ethan, Love you were my biggest secret. But I have to tell you this I kept you not because I'm not proud of us but because I don't want you to face the doubts of my family. That burden is mine."

"Ethan for the last time can you please tell me you love me? You can pretend if you have to, I just want to hear it from you for the last time."

He only looked at me with tears in his eyes but he never uttered it. And so I remembered that one conversation we had. I asked him what he will do if we break up. He said he will not say he still loves me again so that it will be easier for me to move on. I guess this is him keeping his promise. He keeps his promises like he always does.

And so I smiled. I put my hands around his neck and reached for him. I kissed his lips one last time. And looked into his eyes.

"Ethan I love you more than you will ever know, I will always love you more than you know."

He held my hands and kissed it. He always does that when I did something that made him proud or he wants to comfort me.

I took a step back more. He tried to reach for me face. But I only signalled him no.

"Stop wiping my tears because from today on I have to wipe it myself."

I mouthed I love you one last time and I finally made myself turn around.

I took my first step out of his life when I heard him mutter.

"I love you Tina, it was me that was never worthy of you."