2. Haunting Past
988 Words
Zayn
It started the way it always did. Voices, shouting, flashes of panic. Broken fragments of memories, images that blurred and blended into each other.
“You are just like your father. Worthless.”
“He can’t read? What a surprise. He is always been so stupid.”
“I’m not paying for anything extra for him. If he can’t keep up, that’s his problem.”
I was running, frightened, and out of breath. I needed to hide, to getaway. Rocks hit my legs, and one even cutting into my neck. I felt the wet of blood as it seeped down the back of my shirt. I rounded the corner, ducking into the alley and behind the dumpster. I held my breath, trying to stay silent.
The running feet stopped, the voices angry.
“Where did he go?”
“Do you think he is in the alley?”
“No, the little bastard is scared of his own shadow, he would never go there. Let’s keep looking.”
Like a miracle, they moved on, but I stayed huddled, knowing they could come back. Knowing that even if I avoided them today, tomorrow they would find me.
My body shakes as it recalls the number of beatings I had taken at school. On the playground. At home. I could hear my gasps of air and feel the panic set in. It wasn’t real, but I’m useless to stop the barrage of fear coursing through me.
Slap.
“You worthless piece of s**t! All you do is cause me disappointment!”
“Please, Momma, not the belt . . .” I sobbed.
“You will get that and more, you ingrate! I wish you had never been born!”
The pain from her strike was so vivid, I felt my body jerk in reflex. I heard my own shout. Still, I couldn’t break through the grip keeping me trapped in the past.
The room was bright, the décor familiar. I realized I was in my Liam’s office, staring at him holding a gun to my chin. I had the gun pressed to my throat, staring at Liam. He shook his head.
“You are such a coward.”
“I don’t want to do this,” I begged. “Help me.”
“I will be glad when you are gone. You have been nothing but a pain in my ass. I have put up with you long enough.”
“No, Liam, we are brothers! You said so!”
He shrugged his shoulder dismissively. “No, you were useful, but I’m done. You are a waste of space and the world would be better off without you.”
He turned, walking away and ignoring my pleas.
The room felt cold, the air making me shiver. I looked around. I was alone, abandoned by one of the few people I thought I could trust. I shut my eyes, pressing the cold steel to my skin.
“Stop.”
My eyes flew open at the sound of her voice. Zoe stood in front of me.
“Don’t do this.”
“I have no choice.”
“You do.” She extended her hand. “Come with me.”
“No. I’m not what you need. I’m not what anyone needs.”
“If you do this, you will never find out.”
I shook my head, pressing the gun closer.
I felt her leave. The darkness surrounded me. I squeezed the trigger.
With a loud gasp, I bolt upright in bed. I draw in much-needed oxygen, desperate to try to tamp down my panic. Swinging my legs over the edge of the bed, I fumble with the light, snap it on, and glance around the room. Still terrified, I run my hands over my torso and head, feeling for the blood, the hole left by the gun. There is nothing except a sheen of sweat covering my entire body.
Desperately thirsty, I reached for the water bottle on the nightstand, drained it, and tossed the bottle to the side. I hang my head, feeling my breathing return to normal and my heart rate slow down.
It was a nightmare. Not the first and certainly not the last I would have.
However, this one was different from before. More intense than ever.
The last time I had a really bad dream, I had woken beside Zoe. She had soothed me. Held me close and comforted me until I fell asleep again. When I was wrapped in her embrace, the terror hadn’t returned.
Tonight, I was alone, and I know, without a doubt, it will come back. Repeatedly, until I dragged myself from my bed and started my day.
But that is how it has to be because, nightmare or not, the message of the dream was correct and always would be.
I’m worthless, and she would never be beside me again. She deserves so much more than I can ever be for her.
I rise and grab a pair of sweat pants. I have work-out, then head into the office. Yesterday, was my twenty-eighth birthday and I celebrated it how everyone expected from me- by partying hard. I’m in New York, to look after business with Mack because Liam is busy in taking care of a very pregnant Adriana. At least in the office, I could be something other than what I was in my dreams.
I could be Zayn, brother to Liam. Part of a successful company and Mafia. Respected by many, admired by some. Wealthy, humorous, and without a care in the world.
It is a great cover. No one ever looked past it to my real self.
The one I keep hidden.
- Writer
