He Will Be Mine (New Horizon Book 1)

Exactly What He Needs Right Now: Aly

“Tyler isn’t here right now. He’s got class,” Trevor tells me after he opens the door to their apartment.

“No, I know. I’m actually here to see Matt,” I respond as I step into the living room with him.

He wasn’t in class this morning, which has never happened before. Finding myself unable to function until I find out what’s going on, I headed right over after class let out.

“Oh, okay. Uh, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. He’s been …” Trevor’s eyes light up as he shifts from awkward and uncertain to looking like he just had an idea. “You know what? Nevermind. Maybe you’re exactly what he needs right now. He’s in his room,” he tells me before returning to the dining table where he has all kinds of papers spread out.

I take that as my cue to see myself in and head down the hall to Matt’s room. I know where it is, but I’ve never been inside it, so this is actually a little strange. I wonder if this is how he felt when he walked me to my dorm yesterday, which I suppose would explain some of the awkwardness. The rest is probably just because that’s how he is.

I knock lightly on the doorframe instead of just barging in. I see his form in the bed under the blankets and wonder if he’s sick or something.

“What?” he says with a hint of irritation.

“It’s me,” I tell him softly from the doorway. “Missed you in class today.”

“Oh. Yeah, I didn’t feel like dealing with psych today,” he says without rolling over or moving at all, still facing away from me.

I drop my backpack on the floor near the door and step into his room, wanting to see his face as we talk. I walk to the far side of the bed and notice that his eyes follow me as soon as he can see me, but he still doesn’t move. He hasn’t told me to get out yet, so I take a chance and get into the bed with him, lying down so we’re facing each other.

“Didn’t feel like dealing with psych or didn’t feel like dealing with me?” I ask softly, drinking in his full appearance. He looks like he had a rough night and has possibly been crying. His hair is a mess, and his eyes look tired and a little puffy.

His features soften, and a hand reaches out of the blanket to touch my cheek. “It’s not you, Aly. I’ve just been in a funk this morning, and I figured that since the professor in that class never takes attendance anyway, it wouldn’t hurt to miss one lecture. I’ll probably need to borrow your notes, though, if you don’t mind.”

“Yeah, sure. And since I’m already here, you can also tell me what’s on your mind that has you in such a funk.”

He chuckles and the first hint of a smile appears. “First, get in here,” he demands, unwrapping himself slightly and holding his blankets open for me to join him.

I see that his chest is bare and try not to just lie there gawking. It’s not that it’s particularly impressive because I notice he’s actually a little bit soft, but it is the first time I’ve seen that much of his bare skin. It doesn’t bother me that he isn’t ripped and muscular. I just like seeing parts of him that are new to me.

“You’re not naked in there, are you?” I pretend to be bothered by the thought, wrinkling my nose.

He grins and lunges for me, grabbing me and pulling me under the blankets with him. “Find out for yourself,” he teases.

He’s not. He has shorts on. I am glad to see him smiling, though, and even happier to be invited to cuddle. I squirm around to get settled under the covers with him and relish in the feel of his body next to mine. I’ve never had this much direct, full-bodied contact with my mate before and the sensations are a bit overwhelming for the first few seconds.

He seems to be soaking it in as well, leaning his head against me with his eyes closed. When he pulls back and opens them, my heart skips a beat at the look he is giving me. It doesn’t surprise me when he brings his hand up to stroke my cheek and then presses his lips to mine. I give into it for a few seconds before remembering that he specifically asked me not to let this happen while he was on break from his relationship.

“Stop,” I say softly after I pull away from him. I can feel Mari whimpering in my mind, but I ignore her. He’s not ready for this. I just feel good to him and make a good distraction.

“Why?” he groans in frustration.

“Because I promised I wouldn’t let you. This can’t happen until you’re a hundred percent sure that you are done with Jessica and a hundred percent certain that you won’t regret it.”

He sighs, trying to pull away from me so he can roll over, but I tighten my hold to prevent it.

“You’re not getting away that easy,” I scold, using a finger to turn his face back my way. “You said if I got under the blankets, you’d tell me what’s been on your mind.”

He exhales and says nothing for a few moments, turning his face away from me again. “I’ve just been thinking a lot, about everything,” he says finally, still not letting his gaze meet mine. “In a way, it feels like I’ve lost everything. Being away from Jessica has made me realize that I don’t enjoy being around her as much as I thought I did. It’s been peaceful, and I hate that I feel that way. How can I when I love her? Why do I find myself dreading letting her back in? I’ve been driving myself crazy trying to figure it all out.”

“Why not end it, then? It sounds like she is making you miserable.”

“In a way she is, but so is the idea of losing her, or I guess it’s more like the idea of losing what I thought I had. It was good at first, I swear it was. And I don’t want to just let her go because then the dream is over, there’s no more getting married and living happily ever after.”

“Maybe not with her, but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen with someone else. For real this time.”

“Sure, but I don’t know. I guess I have a hard time believing …” He lets his sentence drift, abandoning whatever he was going to say when he finally looks me in the eyes. “Aly, why would you even want me when you can have Tyler? He’s perfect for you, and so much fitter and better looking than I am. You guys seem so good together, and seeing you with him yesterday, and hearing about how he fits right in back home, it just has me thinking. Overthinking, probably, but I’m just lost. What do you even see in me?”

“Matt,” I say softly, my heart breaking for him. I run my fingers gently over the stubble on his cheek and let them wander up to toy with his tangled hair. “You’re so much more than you realize, and it almost hurts to hear you think so little of yourself.”

He makes a tortured sound that is part groan and part sigh. “Well, it’s just that someone like Jessica I can understand wanting to be with me. She doesn’t have many friends and is hungry for attention, so all I have to do to be appealing to her is be good to her. Whenever I asked her what she saw in me, she’d always tell me I’m sweet. That’s it. Just sweet. But you’re confident, outgoing, people love you, and maybe you don’t realize it, but you can have your pick of guys because everywhere you go, they’re all drooling over you. Being sweet isn’t going to be enough for you, and it wouldn’t matter if it was because Tyler is a pretty sweet guy too, plus he’s fit, attractive, and I can tell you really like him. So, why would you even bother with me?”

You need to tell him, Mari cuts into my thoughts, but I ignore her again to compose a response that will hopefully let Matt know a little of what I feel.

“You are sweet, but you’re so much more than that, Matt. You’re smart and challenge me in ways other people don’t. You have a very subtle sense of humor and I always feel honored when you relax and let it out, because I can tell it’s not a side of you that many people see. You share a lot of the same interests I do, and I enjoy spending time with you. Our walks in the park are something I treasure. And you know what else? You are attractive, believe it or not. You have all this thick, curly hair that I spend a lot of time fantasizing about running my fingers through, and this intense way of looking at me that makes my heart skip and my belly do flip flops.”

I see the way he is looking at me now and it takes everything in me to keep from kissing him again.

Tell him, Mari insists.

“Thank you, Aly,” he says hoarsely, his voice sounding choked up with emotion.

TELL HIM, she insists more forcefully.

Soon, I promise her, keeping it short so he won’t notice my eyes change. I can see her point that this would be a good opening to tell him since we’re sharing such personal thoughts and feelings right now, but I’m still scared. Once he knows what I am, and what we are to each other, if he doesn’t accept me it could break our bond. I need to be certain before I risk that.

“I mean it, Matt. You are special to me. I have something special with Tyler, too, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that you’re a great guy and I’d be lucky to have you. But more importantly, I want you to figure out what you want, for your own sake.”

“I want that too. I’m working on it. I know I have to make a decision soon about Jess, and I appreciate you respecting the boundaries I set, though part of me wishes you wouldn’t.”

“I hear you, but it’s best if we don’t go there for now. Doesn’t mean we can’t cuddle, though.”

We do for quite a while, not saying anything and just enjoying each other’s company. Eventually, he falls asleep and since it looks like he didn’t get much of that the night before, I let him. When I have to sneak out to go grab some lunch before my afternoon class I make sure not to disturb him, moving carefully and quietly and pausing only to deposit my psych notes on his desk.