He Will Be Mine (New Horizon Book 1)

Project Partners: Aly

After a few weeks of classes, I have fallen into a sort of comfortable rhythm. Mondays and Wednesdays are two long classes, one in the morning with Matt and one in the afternoon. Tuesdays and Thursdays, I work out with Tyler in the morning and then I have my bio class with Matt in the afternoon, and Fridays are long days for me, with no Matt or Tyler. Every Friday night, Ronnie and I make a point of hanging with our “dormies,” which is what Sarah and Jenny have started calling all us girls who live in 3-East. And the weekends are for hanging out with Tyler and sometimes the other guys and Meredith. Jessica is there usually, but since we ignore each other now, it’s not even worth mentioning her.

On the first Monday morning of October, Matt stops to talk to me after our psych class is dismissed. Though we’re friendly in class, he seems to try to limit how much we interact outside of class, so this strikes me as odd.

He leads me to a spot near the door and waits until the clusters of students around us have dispersed before turning to me, a serious expression on his face.

“That biology project we have to do, I was thinking we should go collect those samples this week,” he finally says. “It’s going to be getting colder soon and the ground might freeze over, making it a lot harder to dig up dirt and sample the water, and so on. We could maybe even go tomorrow morning if you’re not busy.”

“Oh, geez, Matt. The way you were acting, I thought you had something awful to tell me,” I tease him, laughing. “Yeah, sure. Only thing I have going on in the morning is a workout with Tyler, but I can skip it.”

“You’ve been hanging out with him a lot,” he comments. It seems more like an accusation.

“You’ve been hanging out with Jessica a lot,” I shoot back at him. “At least Tyler is nice.”

“Yeah, well, Jessica is my fiancée. Of course, I’m going to hang out with her.”

“And Tyler is my boyfriend,” I say defiantly.

“Is he? Are you guys official now?” He challenges, seeming to get a little red in the face.

“Sort of. Why are we even arguing about this?”

“We’re not. It’s just … I don’t even know. I think I started out wanting to tell you that maybe us working on this project together is something to keep on the down low.”

“My boyfriend won’t care that we have work to do together,” I tell him, aiming to hit him where it hurts. Take that for having crappy taste in women.

“You’re sort-of boyfriend, you mean.” Touché, Matt.

“Sure, but he won’t care. So, I’m guessing it’s Jessica you’re worried about. Trouble in Paradise?” I tease him, not wanting him to think he has the upper hand.

“Stop. You know what I mean.”

I’m taking some sick pleasure in how defensive he seems to be getting.

“Maybe I don’t, though. Maybe I don’t understand how two people who are supposedly happily in love can’t seem to handle me hanging around, even just for a school project.”

“You know why.”

“No, I don’t. You see, your fiancée has never liked me, and I never did anything to deserve that. And you’re a grown man. You should be able to decide who you want to be friends with.”

This started out playful, but I’m noticing that I’m legitimately getting angry and starting to let out some of the pent-up frustration that has been building in me this whole time. It feels good to finally direct it at who has earned it.

“I think she senses that there’s something between us.”

At least he finally admits it.

“Is there? Should you be getting married when there’s something between us? Should you be avoiding me if there’s something between us?”

“I’m not avoiding you. I sit right next to you practically every day.”

“And then I disappear from your world until the next class we have together.”

“Why do you care? You have Tyler.”

“Why does she care? I’ve never done anything to threaten your relationship.”

“You existing threatens my relationship.”

Well, now we’re getting somewhere.

“Why, Matt? And isn’t it kind of unfair to her if you have feelings for someone else but you don’t just come right out and say that?”

“What about Tyler? Does he know you have feelings for someone else and just use him to stay close to me?”

“First of all, he does know I have feelings for another guy. Unlike you, I was up front about that from the beginning. And secondly, screw you, Matt. I don’t use him. I like him. I like him more and more all the time, and the closer I get to him, the less I want you. You’re such a moron if you can’t see what a fake brat your fiancée is. I honestly cannot find a damn thing that you could find attractive about her.”

He sighs, frustrated. “Just shut up, Aly.”

“Or what?” I can’t help but challenge him defiantly. Don’t tell me to shut up because we’re hitting a nerve. Own your role in all this, mate.

“Or, I don’t know,” he says uncertainly, fidgeting from one foot to the other and giving me a strange look.

“Or what, Matt? I don’t answer to …”

He cuts me off by pressing his lips to mine, and then pushing me back until my back is against the wall. The feel of his lips on mine again shorts out my brain and forces me to forget how angry I was with him seconds ago. I don’t think of Tyler or Jessica or anything else, just the softness of his lips and the electric tingles overloading my nervous system.

“Why does this feel so good?” he mumbles, and then dives right back into kissing me.

He doesn’t freak out and pull away this time. Instead, he pushes his tongue against my lips and plunges it in my mouth once I open for him. I feel a hand traveling up under my shirt and another squeezing my ass. I moan into the kiss, and that seems to motivate him to attack me with his tongue, and then when he pulls away, he continues kissing and licking down my jaw, around the side of my neck, under my ear, as I clutch his hair in my hand and soak in the sensations.

It is when he is starting to scrape his teeth gently across my collarbone and toying with the soft spot of my neck with his tongue that we hear someone clear his throat behind us.

“It is always inspiring to witness the passion of young people in love, but could we maybe find someplace a little more private for this, hmm?” An older male professor breaks through our moment.

Matt and I suddenly snap back to reality, blushing and awkwardly putting ourselves back together and collecting our things. We sheepishly apologize to the professor and vacate the classroom for him.

Matt doesn’t seem to be able to meet my gaze once we’re out in the hallway, but I put my arm out to stop him so we can talk some more.

“There’s plenty that could be said about what just happened, but I’ll save you from that for now,” I tell him. “I think your plan to go get those samples tomorrow is a good one, so did you want to come pick me up or do you want me to pick you up?”

“Uh, you drive. Meet me at my place at ten,” is all he says, and then he turns to leave.

I would stop him, but I know he’s already embarrassed, and this is a rather public place, so I decide we can talk about it tomorrow.

*************************

As promised, I show up to get him promptly at ten. I already texted Tyler to let him know that I have to work with Matt on a school project and will miss our workout this morning. I can’t help but wonder if Matt ever told Jessica what he will be up to today, though. I also can’t keep myself from fretting about whether what happened with him yesterday is something I should make a point of talking to Tyler about later today, or just wait until I see him this weekend. I realize I don’t know whether we’re far enough in our “relationship” that me messing around with “the other guy” is going to be a problem.

Matt meets me at the front door to the building though I haven’t even texted him or anything. I guess he must be eager to get this over with.

“Is this a new car?” he asks after I lead him to my car and unlock the door for him to get in the passenger side.

“It’s not terribly old. I got it for my eighteenth birthday, so June three years ago is how old it is. Kind of new, yeah.”

“I just mean it’s different from the SUV you were driving before. Do you just have a whole fleet of vehicles on standby?” he asks, laughing. He’s just teasing and it’s nice to see him smile after how grumpy he was yesterday.

Uh yeah, kind of. I kind of do have a whole fleet of vehicles, I suppose.

But what I tell him is, “That belongs to my dad. He actually does have some spare vehicles that anyone around the property can use. Ollie called up front and told me to bring something with a lot of space and seating to help you guys out, so an SUV seemed preferable to my little car here.”

That seems to sober him slightly. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean it like there is anything wrong with having a bunch of vehicles, or anything.”

I put my keys in the ignition and start up my car, then turn to Matt with a smile. “I know. I didn’t take it that way. You can relax, Matt. I know we had a tense day yesterday, but today is today. I’m not going to bite your head off until you give me a good reason to,” I tease him with a smirk.

“Aly, about yesterday,” he starts, but I cut him off.

I put my hand up as though I don’t want to hear it. “I know. I get it, Matt. You’re with Jessica and she’s the one for you and blah, blah, blah. We’ve been through it before. I don’t need to hear it again.”

He exhales a breath and the way he does it reminds me of a horse in a barn getting restless in the stall. I try not to let myself laugh about the imagery that comes to mind and just focus on backing us out of the parking spot and getting on the road.

“Where to?” I ask, knowing he has a better idea of places to go around here since he has been here longer.

“There’s a nature park about seven miles out. I called ahead and got permission for us to take our samples so we should be good there. I also brought everything we should need,” he says as he taps his shoulder bag to indicate that it’s all in there.

“That’s great. Where to get supplies was going to be my next question.”

I hand him my phone with the map application ready to go, and he enters in the address of where we’re going. Seconds later, I hear the annoying robotic voice tell us, “In one-point-seven miles, turn left.”

“So, I know you said you don’t want to hear it, but I still feel like I need to tell you this,” Matt insists. “I need to tell you that I thought about it pretty much all yesterday and last night, and you’re right. I’m in the wrong, here. I haven’t been honest with Jess, and I haven’t been good to you, either.”

I glance over at him, dumbfounded that he actually agrees with me. He smiles back at me sheepishly, and then continues.

“I just don’t know how to talk to Jess about it. You know how she is. She already hates you, and in my mind, I’m doing the right thing by not telling her about anything that has happened between us or my mixed-up feelings about you because I don’t want to give her any more reason to hate you or be mean to you.”

“I take it you are aware of how she treats me, then.”

“Of course. I’m not as blind and ignorant as I like to pretend to be. I just hate confrontation. I hate the idea that we might have a fight about all this.”

“So, you’d rather fight with me about it?”

“Honestly? Yes. I would.”

I snicker at that. “That’s ridiculous, Matt.”

“I know. But you’re way more reasonable about these things than she is, and …” he pauses, blushing, shaking his head a little as if what he was about to say is completely inappropriate.

“And what, Matt?” I ask in a teasing tone. I think I have an idea of how he was going to end that sentence.

“And it’s fun to argue with you,” he admits softly, blushing profusely.

“That’s just because our arguments always end in a make-out session.”

He looks over at me, a shy, crooked smile on his face, still blushing. “Maybe. They also seem like productive arguments, though, or more like heated discussions. When we talk about stuff, I always leave with plenty to think about. When Jess argues with me, she just screams at me and half the time I don’t even know what she is actually upset about.”

“Matt, you never manage to convince me that she is the one for you. Quite the opposite. The more I learn about her, the less I like her, and the more I wonder what you’re even doing with her.”

“I don’t know how to explain it to you, Aly,” he says softly.

“Probably because you know that no matter what you come up with, I’ll find plenty of holes to poke in it and send you home with lots to think about that you don’t want to face the reality of.”

“Maybe,” he admits to the window because he certainly can’t look at me right now.

“Let me ask you this, Matt,” I begin my introduction to a topic that churns my guts. I don’t want to do this, but if I don’t, then I’m no better than him.

“If there was a way that the connection between us could just go away, and your feelings for me could just disappear, would you want to do that?” I ask him.

I need to know. If he really wants Jessica, I could reject him right here, right now, and we could get back to our lives and forget about each other. In theory. I don’t think I would ever completely get over the fact that my mate didn’t want me.

“That’s ridiculous,” he responds. “Feelings aren’t things you can just make go away.”

“I know, but let’s say we could. Hypothetically, anyway. You’re missing the point of my question. My point is, am I the problem in your relationship like you claimed yesterday? If your feelings for me were gone, would you and Jessica go on and live happily ever after? Is that what you want?”

He is quiet for a moment, mulling that over. “I don’t know, Aly. I can’t be certain that you’re not right that Jess and I are doomed with or without you. I can’t be certain that my feelings for you aren’t a symptom of the problem rather than the problem itself. I really don’t know anything,” he admits, and I can hear the emotion in his voice and the tears threatening to break through. “I do know I’m not sorry to have met you, and I don’t think I would want all that to just go away. It’s hard this way, but I don’t think I want that, no. I think my answer is no.”

“Yeah, but to which question?” I ask, laughing and forcing my tone to be playful for his sake.

“I don’t even know,” he says, also laughing now. The tears are still there, but at least he is smiling. “I’m so bad at this. What was I even thinking asking anyone to marry me? I’m an overgrown child.” He groans and swipes his hands down his face in frustration.

“Well, maybe that’s a safer conversation to have with Jess. Leave me out of it but tell her you’re having second thoughts about whether you two are ready for that step.”

“If you think that’s a safer conversation, then you haven’t been paying attention.” He jokes, but judging by his bitter tone, I don’t think he finds it very funny.

“We’ve been together a little over two years, and apparently, in her mind, that is far too long to not be making plans for the future,” he continues to explain. “She sort of gave me an ultimatum at one point, either we get serious and put a ring on it or we’re done. I do love her, Aly, and I know I can’t justify that to you, but I do. I didn’t want to lose her then and I still don’t want to lose her now. I mean, yeah, I have my doubts and I’m terrified, but I also have always wanted to be married and to have a relationship like my parents have. I want that, Aly, and Jess wants that, too. I want to be the guy who deserves that, and I know I’ve been doing a crappy job of it, but I want to be better. I want to focus on the right things. I just don’t know what they are.”

“You need to talk to my mom,” I tell him, and I’m completely serious.

My mom is the best at helping people sort out questions like his and find their paths. Not only is it part of her job as a mom and as the Luna of a pack, but she’s just naturally insightful and good at giving advice. I know if I told her I want her to talk to Matt as an unbiased listener and give him advice that is for him, not for me, she would do it.

We have arrived at our destination, a little bit of wilderness tucked into the outskirts of a small college town. I park where Matt is directing me, just ahead of a path that says it leads to a pond where you can dip your toes in and play with the fish, or something. How quaint.

“That’s where we’re headed,” he nods at the sign labeling the path, the one I was just reading.

“Sounds fun,” I say, and then reach out to touch his arm so I can have his attention a moment more.

“I’m serious, though, about my mom,” I offer again, and explain further, “She is awesome at giving advice about stuff like this and helping people get their heads on straight and figure out what they really want, or at least the pros and cons of their options. As much as it might seem odd to talk to the mom of the girl you’re kind of yanking along in a weird love-triangle, I promise you, she won’t look at you like that. Not in this, anyway. She’s basically a counselor, and you need her. You need someone outside of the problem to give you some perspective. I’ll give you her number. Do with it what you will.”

He smiles softly at me and pats the hand I still have on his arm. “Thanks, Aly. I’ll think about it, but I appreciate you even offering it to me.”

We continue along the path until the pond comes into view. I’m a little underwhelmed by the size of it, but it is pretty. I do like this little nature park. I might even bring Tyler here sometime to go jogging or just walk around.

It doesn’t take us long to collect the samples. There’s not a whole lot of procedural considerations for Biology 101, it turns out. Just open jar, scoop, hope you got some of the good stuff, and take it to the lab and put it under a microscope. It’s a weird sort of scavenger hunt, I suppose, or maybe more like a random grab bag of microscopic organisms.

It’s been a fun little mini adventure, and by the time we’ve finished collecting everything, Matt and I are laughing and enjoying each other’s company again. When we’re not arguing about Jessica or the status of our relationships, we naturally seem to fall into this comfortable companionship. It is moments like these that help me see why he was chosen for me, and help me remember that maybe he isn’t someone to give up on just yet.