He Will Be Mine (New Horizon Book 1)

Consequences: Aly

After Tyler climbed off me and I heard him rustling around in his belongings again, I just rolled onto my side and lay there processing things for a while. With each moment that passed, the realization of what I had done sunk in further. Did having s*x with Tyler feel good in the moment? Definitely. But it doesn’t feel good now. I feel a little sick to my stomach. It doesn’t matter what Matt has been up to or with whom; I know better. I know what I’ve been waiting for, and it wasn’t this.

Mari may have been right about me. Not only does it seem petty and vindictive in hindsight to sleep with some other guy because I’m upset about Matt’s relationship, but it’s worrisome that I went there so quickly. If I can’t handle a weekend of Matt with Jessica, I don’t know how I am going to stay strong and see this through to the end without spreading my legs to every guy who comes along to help me forget. This was a mistake. I see that now. That realization brings tears to my eyes, but not wanting Tyler to notice and think I’m crying because of something he did, I just lie there and let the tears silently spill into the darkness.

He has his arm draped around me possessively and is cuddled up to my back. The night before, his soft snores and the feel of his arm around me were kind of nice. Now, they feel oppressive and aggravating. I don’t sleep a wink the whole night and instead just lie there, twirling and chewing on my hair anxiously and staring into the darkness. Every now and then, the tears come back. At one point, I get up and make my way to the showers, hoping to wash the feelings off me. It doesn’t work, but it does wash some of the smell of Tyler off me.

In the morning, I feel him stir behind me just after another rush of tears hits me and I quickly try to get a handle on my emotions, not wanting him to see me like this. I feel his hands moving over me, the fingertips of one just barely grazing my hip and the other hand brushing my hair away from my neck to give him better access. He starts gently peppering kisses along my neck and over my collarbone, his lower hand moving over my belly now.

“Hey, Aly,” he whispers. “I’m pretty sure you’re awake. Roll over because I think we need to talk.”

“I’m comfortable,” I protest, though truthfully, I just don’t want him to see my face.

He chuckles softly and starts tugging me backward with his lower hand.

“Come on, please?” he pleads.

I cringe as I remember the way I was pleading with him last night, begging him to take what was meant for my mate. Finally, I give in, and roll so that I’m lying on my back, looking up into his eyes.

He takes one look at my face, which I’m sure looks red, puffy, and completely awful after the night I’ve had, and his expression becomes concerned.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks as he tries to slide an arm under my neck to hold me better.

I sigh, not having any idea how I should answer that question. He isn’t going to understand what I’m feeling. He’s going to take anything I say as though it is criticism about him.

“Aly, come on. Talk to me. I knew something was up because you’ve been turned away from me and basically ignoring me since we, you know. Since what happened last night.”

“I just, I don’t know,” I stall, still searching for the right words. “I have a lot of feelings about it.”

“Do you regret it?”

The look on his face as he asks that breaks my heart. I’m such an i***t. He doesn’t deserve this. I scramble to think of some way to spin this to somehow make it better.

“I just … okay, so you remember I was telling you about the guy I like? Ugh, this is going to sound so dumb, and I’m so sorry.”

“I remember you mentioning that, yeah. I also remember asking you like two or three times if you were sure you wanted to go there with me.”

“I know, I know. And I’m not saying I didn’t want to, or that it was bad. It wasn’t. Actually, Tyler, that was amazing. You were incredible.”

The little smirk forming at the corner of his mouth tells me I might actually be able to salvage this. I keep going, spinning the truth into it a bit so that maybe he can sort of understand where I’m coming from.

“So, after it was over, I had this weird feeling come over me, kind of a feeling like I had cheated on him. Which is so dumb, I know, because he and I aren’t together. Actually, he doesn’t even know I like him. But I know I like him, and now I kind of feel like I’m, I don’t know, a slut or something. Or like I’m leading you on and you’re going to get hurt because I still like that other guy. So, I’ve just been thinking all night about what a crappy person I am.”

“Aly,” Tyler whispers my name, sounding like he might be feeling a bit emotional himself. He leans his face into my cheek and sighs. “You’re not a slut, I promise you that. The fact that you spent the whole night worrying about it means you’re not. And don’t feel bad for me. You were up front about having feelings for someone else, so it’s not like I don’t know that you aren’t planning to be with me or whatever. I’m just glad to have had that experience with you. I agree, it was amazing. I just wish you wouldn’t feel bad about it.”

I give him the best smile I can manage in the moment. “Thanks. I’m trying not to.”

“You’re such a sweetheart, Aly,” he tells me affectionately. “But don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re 21, live a little, have some fun. And don’t let some guy who can’t see what a great girl you are make you feel bad. He apparently doesn’t realize how lucky he would be to have you, or you would be waking up with him right now instead of me.”

He doesn’t even know how true those words are. It stings how right he is about that.

“It’s selfish of me, but I’m glad he’s so blind. His loss is my gain. I’ve had the best weekend with you, Aly.”

I smile, genuinely touched and a little worried. He kind of sounds like someone who might be catching feelings. Although, he isn’t wrong. It has been a pretty good weekend, other than the torture of watching how cozy Matt is with Jessica and having to endure them having s*x literally a few feet from where I slept.

I decide to go the playful and light-hearted route in response.

“You seem to like saying my name,” I tease him. Seriously, though. He has addressed me by name with pretty much everything he has said to try to comfort me.

“Well, I figured I owed you a few since you were screaming my name so much last night,” he teases back without even missing a beat.

I do appreciate his sense of humor and that he can go from serious to playful in a heartbeat. His smile is pretty nice, too. As much as I want to stay miserable to punish myself for being so selfish, talking to Tyler is cheering me up. I am glad we had this conversation. I was feeling awkward toward him, but that feeling has disappeared now.

We fumble through the process of getting dressed and packing away our things to prepare to load them back in the truck. It doesn’t go as smoothly as dressing together did the day before for the simple reason that now we’ve seen each other naked, but then we had the talk about how there’s a lot of weird feelings about that, so a little of that awkwardness creeps back in.

To look or not to look? I decide to turn away. No idea whether he does the same.

There are more sandwiches for breakfast, though Trevor comes up with what he thinks is a clever system for toasting the bread over the campfire. It kind of is, except in my opinion, toasted peanut butter and jelly is a bit of an odd experience. But I also prefer my meat rare, so maybe an aversion to unnecessary cooking is just in my blood. Tyler and Trevor seem to be into it, though.

“I take it your tummy is feeling better this morning?” Meredith asks Matt as he reaches for seconds.

He grimaces, as though the memory of whatever she is referring to is still with him. “Yeah, I don’t know what that was, but it eventually passed.”

“Well to be fair, the sound of Tyler pumping and grunting was making my stomach a little queasy too,” Trevor says, though the smirk on his face shows that he is just teasing Tyler.

I stop chewing for a moment as the realization sinks in that Matt had a stomachache while Tyler and I were having s*x. Hmm, sounds familiar. On the one hand, I feel horrible for doing that to him. I know it was something I thought of and maybe even a little bit hoped for, but I also hate knowing that I caused him any discomfort. At the same time, part of me is excited that he felt anything at all as a human because it means that our bond is strong enough to affect him even if he is not yet conscious of it.

Tyler rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Very funny,” he says sarcastically. “I also find it funny how I never harass you guys for getting your d***s wet, even though I have to listen to it all the time, and yet here you are on my ass about it the one time I actually do it when you’re around.”

“Aww, I’m sorry,” Trevor tells him. “I didn’t know you’d be so sensitive about it, and I don’t mean that as an insult. I actually thought it was awesome that you got the girl, bud. Sounded hot. It was Matt I was trying to harass, for no reason other than that’s what friends are for.”

Matt doesn’t seem all that enthused about it, either. He mumbles something about food poisoning under his breath and turns back to his breakfast.

“Geez, tough crowd,” Trevor mutters.

I was kind of thinking the same thing. There’s this weird tension in the air and everyone seems affected by it. I suppose a couple nights of living outdoors, eating mostly snacks and sandwiches, drinking too much beer, and being eaten alive by insects will do that to people. Tyler is fine as far as the insects go, thanks to me, but he still seems quiet. I can’t help wondering if that’s my fault, too.

After breakfast we work on disassembling the tents and packing up all our stuff. I attempt to engage Tyler in a bit of our normal banter and goofing around, and to my delight, it works. We finish packing our things up before everyone else and sit together on top of one of Jessica’s ridiculous bags to wait for the others. The thing is way too huge to be considered portable and remembering that it is one of three bags she brought for two nights has me shaking my head all over again.

“Aly, can I have your number?” Tyler asks tentatively, holding out his phone to me.

I decide that it is actually a good idea, since there is a very slim chance that Jessica will let Matt talk to me. Tyler may be my only way of keeping in touch until school starts, assuming my dad managed to get me in.

“Sure, and I want yours as well. Above all else, I want to stay friends after this,” I tell him as I take his phone and enter my name and number into the contacts.

“Me too,” he agrees with a certain glint in his eyes. I don’t think that’s a look “just friends” give each other.

He leans down to kiss me, and I let him, even allowing myself to get lost in it for a few moments. That does feel good, good enough to make all those guilty, negative thoughts disappear temporarily. I suppose that is my whole problem. I need to stop letting myself be distracted by kisses and affection from someone who is not my mate. Sure, it’s hard dealing with our situation, but if I’m going to be Alpha, I need to be stronger than this.

After I break away from the kiss, I vow to myself that this will be the last time. This childish need for instant gratification ends now. After this, it’s all about my mate. No more distractions.