Eye of Stone

Chapter 3

Chapter Three

The cold of the bathroom floor didn’t make the dry heaving stop.

After a full night of vomiting, I had nothing left in my stomach. No tears left to cry, either. But I couldn’t stop shaking and heaving. I couldn’t make the sobs stop breaking in my throat. I couldn’t get Director Holbeck’s face out of my mind.

The way she’d smiled at me when she said she’d have the talking points and new clothes brought to my room so I’d be ready to stand in front of my peers. The way she winked when she said she knew she could count on me.

I should have stabbed her with one of the doctor’s tools. Driven a scalpel right into Holbeck’s neck and been done with it.

But I was a coward with too much to lose.

Helping Holbeck would get Mari home. And if I refused, if Holbeck looked as deeply into my files as the bomber had…

That guard knew. She knew I wasn’t supposed to be in the domes. She was going to say it in front of the others. Tell them all I was an outsider.

I’d had to stop her from telling them. I didn’t have a choice.

I’d just wanted to shut her up. I needed to get the g*n away from her, but she dropped that stupid bomb.

Bang.

Elliot and Casey were dead. Two people had died because I needed to keep my secret.

Holbeck had come down from Incorporation Headquarters because the mess in the Arcadia Domes had gotten too bad for the people at the top to ignore.

It was my fault. I’d made the guard drop that bomb.

Because of me, Project Progeny was going to be announced today.

The heaving got worse. My head pounded like it was going to explode.

It should have. I wanted it to. I should have died in the atrium bombing. Not Elliot or Casey. If Gideon hadn’t protected me, I would have died. Everything would still be my fault, but at least I wouldn’t know about it if I was dead.

Mari. You have to protect Mari. Her life is worth more than anything else. Her safety is more important than your guilt.

The sobbing got worse. I thought my ribs would break.

My hands shook as I crawled into the shower. I managed to reach high enough to turn the tap on. I kept the water cold, trying to shock my system out of the mind-eating panic.

I should have been the one to die.

“Fuck.” I dug my knuckles into my eyes.

You have to survive, Jaime whispered in my mind. You’re a prisoner, Lanni. Your cage is pretty, you can’t see your chains, but you’re still their prisoner. You can’t blame yourself for doing whatever it takes to fight through another day. You’re back in the cement box. Your only duty is to survive.

“Then you should be here to save me.” I tipped my face up into the water.

I wouldn’t have made it this far. I have too bad a temper to think before I fight.

“You really do.” I pushed my hair away from my face.

But you don’t, Lanni. The kep are just another monster hiding in the shadows.

“The monsters we faced were never my fault.”

Neither is this one. Jaime touched my cheek.

In that moment, I would have given everything just to feel his fingers trail along my skin. Just to know for one minute, one second, that Jaime was with me.

You got caught in the middle of this nightmare, Lanni. You aren’t the one who started it.

“What am I supposed to do?” The words caught in my throat.

Whatever it takes to survive.

“I don’t know if I can.”

You don’t have a choice.

“Jaime―”

Start with a shower. Get cleaned up. Get ready for Holbeck’s people to arrive. That’s easy, isn’t it? You can shower.

“Yeah.” I pushed myself to my feet. My legs shook. I gasped as pain stabbed through my calf. “I can shower.”

I pulled off my sopping clothes, tossing them into a pile on the bathroom floor.

“I’m not sure if you would laugh at a shower or rip it apart.” I scrubbed my arms, trying to make sure Holbeck hadn’t left any of her scent on my skin. “The amount of water I’m wasting, you could have been rich from selling it in the trade hall.”

I waited to hear Jaime laugh, but he stayed silent.

“Don’t leave me.” I leaned against the shower wall. “Jaime, please don’t leave me. I need you to stay.”

You should be careful about having too many conversations with the voice in your head. He didn’t even try to hide his laughter. I think the kep frown on delusions ruining their perfect citizens. I can’t stay forever.

“I know.” I scrubbed the soap out of my hair. “But I really need you right now.”

Okay. Jaime leaned against the shower wall. I could’ve eaten for a month off selling the water you’re sending down the drain.

“We could’ve eaten real fruit, maybe even dried meat. They only eat fresh meat here. You’d love the fish we get.”

Does it taste like anything other than salt?

We talked about the dome food while I towel-dried my hair. I knew Holbeck was sending clothes for me, but I got dressed anyway. I don’t know if I was being defiant or just didn’t want to sit in my room in a towel.

I made myself a breakfast of bland oats and sat staring at the bowl for a long time, trying to convince myself to eat.

Being hungry will only make you less prepared for whatever comes next. Jaime tapped the side of my bowl.

“I know what comes next.” Nausea rolled through my empty stomach.

Do you really? I thought you only knew what Holbeck told you would happen.

“It’s the same thing.” I made myself swallow a bite of the now cold slop.

Keep going. No matter what, you have to keep going.

“Is that about the food, or becoming one of the monsters?” I pushed my bowl away. The tiny bit of food I’d eaten was already making me feel the need to puke again. “I’m not like them. I can’t―”

A sharp knock came from the hall.

“I’m coming.” I put my bowl in the sink.

Once again, the deadbolt turned before I reached for it.

I opened the door, expecting to find a guard, but instead, a plain-clothed woman with a cheerful smile and a beautiful face stood flanked by two guards in charcoal-gray uniforms.

“Lanni.” The woman beamed as she peeked over my shoulder. “It’s so nice to meet you. Is there someone in here with you? I heard you talking to―”

“Myself.” I tried to smile, but my face couldn’t manage it. “They locked me in here alone with nothing to do except talk to myself. The doctor said she was going to take me for therapy, but―”

“I’m glad you’ve found a way to pass the time.” The woman shooed me farther into my room. “It’s unfortunate they had to cut off all communication. If you’d still had a tablet, or access to PAM, I could’ve gotten your script to you more quickly.”

“Script?”

The woman snapped her fingers and one of the guards passed her a tablet. “Director Holbeck had planned on providing talking points, but given the format of the announcement, some scripted remarks ended up being the best choice.”

“I’m sorry, I’m very confused.”

“That’s why the speech was chosen.” She snapped over her shoulder again. “Hang the clothes in the closet.”

Another gray-uniformed guard squeezed past us, carrying clothes that hung inside protective bags.

“Sit, sit.” She pointed to one of the two chairs Mari and I had.

I was surprised she didn’t snap.

“I’ll get your hair done while you read over the script, and then we’ll worry about your clothes and face.” She pursed her lips as she studied my hair.

“Some of it got burned off in the fire that destroyed Dr. Kain’s house.” I touched the ends of my still-damp hair.

“I told you to sit.” She said it cheerfully, but the brightness of her tone was almost worse than if she’d been screaming.

“Sorry.” I sank into the chair.

“We’ll get it trimmed up, and everything will be fine.”

“Ma’am―”

“Miss Leigh.” She patted my shoulder.

“Miss Leigh,” I began again. “I don’t mean to be rude, but everyone’s already seen my hair the way it is. Does it really need to be trimmed?”

Miss Leigh gave a cheerful laugh. “Your peers in the Arcadia Domes have seen your hair the way it is. But your speech today needs to be a shining beacon worthy of being preserved for posterity. And, while Project Progeny is beginning here, with any luck, the program will be implemented in all domes locations soon enough. The video we record today will be seen all over the world. You, little miss, are changing the lives of thousands. You are such a lucky girl.”

I bolted to the bathroom as fast as my injured leg would allow, throwing up the little bit of breakfast I’d managed to eat.

“Let it out. Nerves are only natural,” Leigh said. “Don’t forget to brush your teeth. You need a sparkling smile for the cameras.”