Here Goes Nothing...
1008 Words
After I finished cleaning the kitchen, I took out my phone and opened Twitter. I found the picture taken earlier. There were thousands of comments and retweets. Most of them wondering who I was and wondering how I knew Harry. Girls, I'm thinking the same damn thing.
My phone beeped. I opened the text message. "10 pm. Lincoln Center. Go to front window. Tell them you are a guest of Haz. Cheers"
I replied with: Looking forward to it.
Hoping I didn't sound desperate and wondering if he thought I was crazy for not knowing who he was.
I glanced at my phone, it was 8 pm. My boys had had dinner and we had played a game of Go Fish. I walked down the small hallway to our bathroom, then sat down and started the water. I poured a capfull of Mr. Bubble bubble bath into the water.
I felt like a robot. The thought crept up on me again - I was going through the motions of this life on autopilot. This life. My real life. The idea of spending time at a concert alone actually thrilled me. Admittedly, I was also looking forward to seeing that smile. I had seen him on so many magazine covers and just scrolling through Yahoo News...speaking to him in person brought on a whole new attraction.
Stop! You are married, I reminded myself.
"Bath time, boys!" I called for them. I smiled hearing the taps on the tile and they're excitement- I truly loved them. Lennon and Bas fought over who was getting into the tub first - I rolled my eyes and let little B in first. Of course, Lennon threw a tantrum. Who knew a bubble bath could be so stressful? I zoned out as they splashed and made a mess.
I had always wanted to have kids, I had said four or five when we met. After our second son was born, things changed and I felt overwhelmed. We tried marriage counseling and I spoke to a therapist alone...unfortunately, I had let things go for so long that I had lost touch of myself. I had gained weight, barely changed out of my pajamas, lost touch with several friends, had no idea what I enjoyed for myself and dreamed of a different life. I spent 100% of my time making sure the boys were taken care of. I was drained, exhausted and needed a change. It took us 3 years, but we finally met in the middle, compromised and made the change happen. We would stay married to raise the kids, but we could see other people. I had no idea if I would be able to do that, or even handle the thought of Alexander with someone else - but I felt less trapped and more willing to stay together for the kids' sake. Deep down, I knew this arrangement wouldn't last forever...one of us would fall in love or we would end up back in each other's arms.
After they were bathed, Alexander took them and cuddled in the big bed to watch a movie. I walked into the bathroom to curl my hair and apply make up. I chose a teal eye liner for my top lid, black for the bottom and a light bronzer for my cheeks - NYC had already started taking away my Florida tan.
From my closet, I grabbed a white button down blouse and high waisted black skirt with a pair of flat black sandals. I walked out to look in the mirror and saw Alexander give me a thumbs up. I still hadn't decided if I wanted to wear this all night, so I needed to go browse at the store just in case. I smiled at him and kissed the boys.
The door closed quietly behind me and I hoped the kids would sleep well tonight for him.
This carpet needs to be updated, I scowled waiting for the elevator. I could see my reflection in the gold metal covering the elevator doors... I felt proud of how I looked for the first time in years. Just maintain it, I reminded myself.
_______
The trip to the store yielded nothing, so I hailed a taxi to get to the center. We pulled up and I paid the driver, then looked at the incredible building in front of me. I still couldn't believe we lived in New York City.
Before I lost my nerve, I opened the door and walked to the ticket window.
The girl, probably 17 years old, greeted me: "Hello! I apologize but we have a private event this evening. Tickets were advance-purchase only. Is there something else I can help you with?" She smiled, waiting.
I took a deep breath and said, "Actually, I'm a guest of Haz."
"Oh! I'm so sorry! You must be Sophie. He only has one on his list," she explained. "Go to the second door on the left. One of the guards will escort you to your seat- and before I forget, here is your backstage pass!"
I thanked her and took a look at the pass. The picture of One Direction caught my eye- they looked so young, carefree...I sighed and opened the door. I was greeted by the larger gentleman -who had been with Harry in the park- he introduced himself as Charles. He led me down to the front, then pointed to a chair in the second row with a sign: Sophie. I smiled and thanked him. He nodded and walked toward the stage, then quietly entered the green door to the right of the stage. Harry's back there...I shook my head to clear it...be cool, Sophie.
I sat there and took in my surroundings. Hundreds of people - mostly younger women and their parents - were anxiously awaiting One Direction to come out and perform. I had been to several concerts and shows, but the feeling in the room was powerful. I felt my heart pounding in my chest...
Here goes nothing, I thought.
- Writer
