An Improper Courtship

Morning emotions

The next morning, Rosalie awoke early, it was unusual for her but with all the events and emotions whirling around the house her sleep had been light. The quiet and burnt orange sunrise rinsed her room as she dressed in a simple brown dress and high collared chemise dress.

The grandfather clock in the entrance hall indicated that it had barely passed the stroke of 6. In the breakfast parlour, Rosalie found her father, he had always been an early riser. Sir Michael lifted his blank gaze to see his daughter. They hadn't spent much time together at all since her arrival.

"Come and eat with me," he ordered gently, Rosalie decided there was little she could do and this early hour had awoken an unusual hunger in her, so she took a seat albeit reluctantly.

"I hope the breakfasts here suit you," he stated, "You must be used to Viennoiseries and patisseries,".

"It's true the English have a more salted palate in the mornings," she answered, the British preferred eggs and meats, porridges. Rosalie stuck to the toast, clotted butters and country jam.

A silence resumed as Rosalie poured herself some coffee, she pushed away from the sugar.

"Just like your mother," Sir Michael whispered, she hadn't realised he had been observing her. Rosalie stilled, they hadn't uttered her name since arriving in England.

"Aucune cuillerée de sucre dans ton café," (Not one single spoon of sugar in your coffee) Her father replied in his softly spoken French. His time in France meant he had lost the jarring English lilt Englishmen normally had. Rosalie had never spoken to her father in French, he had always insisted on conversing in English hence her ease in transitioning linguistically upon arriving recently.

"Maman, didn't have a sweet tooth," Rosalie answered simply, controlling the emotion she felt surging. She missed her mother so much, being away from home had both eased the mourning period and injected a double pain of homesickness and intense loss.

"But I did," he laughed gently, Rosalie stared at her father as his hazel eyes, similar to hers, seemed to lose themselves in memories.

"Do you miss her?" Rosalie asked presumptuously, she knew deep down she had a right to ask that as a daughter, but their relations dictated that she had none. Sir Michael looked shocked at the question, he coughed uncomfortably and regret started to fill Rosalie's mind.

"Yes, every day."

The words resonated in her very soul. Rosalie looked down at her mug of coffee, Sir Michael continued, "Every time I see you."

A part of Rosalie almost wanted to scoff and another side wanted to apologise.

"I don't think I could bear losing you too, Rosalie," he strained out, "I can't bear losing anyone at the moment," she heard the pain in his words. She knew he struggled to release them from the cage of emotions he had chained closed. The one she had not come close to in years. She didn't want to be the cause of his suffering, as much as she had hated him in the past years.

"Alyssa and Lady Kate will recover," Rosalie assured the broken man before her. Sir Michael looked up at his daughter and saw the little girl he used to carry on his back.

"I know I have failed as a father to you, you are entitled to hate me but I still love you, Rosa"

Rosalie saw the moment of bravery break as he repeated her childhood nickname.

"I know," Rosalie started, of course, her father loved her, she wasn't foolish to know that most Sirs would have abandoned their bastard child to fend for themselves. She knew her father had loved her mother despite their non-existent marriage. She knew he cared to find a way to include her in his family. She knew he cared enough to introduce her to the London Ton and spin a web of lies for his family to burden, just for her. However, she couldn't let go of the years of his absence as she tried to understand why her father didn't live with her, why he would disappear after weeks of giving her love as a child. She couldn't let go of the confusion that had seeded its way into her memories when she had understood the precarity of her Mother and Father's relationship. The anger that she had never been able to live a full life, that she had always been on the sidelines. The desperation that without a man in hers and her mother's life they were almost nothing. Women were no matter how hard they worked or lived if they didn't have a male figurehead.

"In time papa, I hope to find the love I held for you as a child and to accept what my life was, " Rosalie answered truthfully. Sir Michael felt relief flood his unsure thoughts.

"That is good enough for me, my child. To know that you do not despise me,"

"Never," Rosalie decided honesty befitted this early morning. "Maman loved you and trusted you and she chose this life with you,I trust there is goodness within you, but I am sorry I cannot just forget my emotions, emotions that were with me when you were not. "

"I am sorry, my daughter and I can only be grateful for the chance you have gifted me to be better," he answered.

Something had been released that morning, Sir Michael called it hope, Rosalie called it overdue honesty. Perhaps it was the emotions overflowing the house that had allowed this vulnerability, or perhaps it had been well overdue. Whatever it was, it was for sure a beginning.

"You are always with me Rosalie, whenever I left. You have a piece of my heart, and it pains me deeply that you do not see it," Sir Michael's words broke a wall that had long been built by the hatred Rosalie had for the situation she'd grown up in. She hadn't thought her father loved and trusted her that profoundly. Rosalie had no words, she should have hugged her father but their sitting positions prevented it. A silence unfolded as Rosalie hid her face with her mug.

"Thank you for being so good to your sisters," Sir Michael had been consumed by distress but he had seen the way she helped in any way she could. Rosalie didn't feel she was being good to her sisters, she knew she hadn't opened up, hadn't done much than was necessary. She didn't know how to be a sister. She felt guilty at the comment,

"I have much more to learn about being a sister," she started but Sir Michael had been deliberating whether to say the next part and it came out at the same time,

"and for being so good to my wife,"

The words pulled at an insecurity in Rosalie's deep past, she nodded. Growing up Rosalie had not thought Lady Kate as the caring wilting figure she was. Images of an evil stepmother had consumed her imagination. Jealousy, anger, hatred had all been normal emotions associated with her father's family.

Gratefully, James and Honey had awoken and were making their way down the stairs to the breakfast parlour, no words were shared as they entered, only secret glances. They broke the atmosphere between Rosalie and her father.

"Good morning Father," Honey said without her usual gaiety, she left James' side to go give her father a kiss on the cheek. Sir Michael stood and held his daughter's hand,

"Make sure you eat a good breakfast, Honey. You will be busy today. I am off, Business never falls ill nor needs respite," he explained. Rosalie observed her father's half haggard walk and turned her attention to her sister, despite there being dark circles and etches of worry around her face, her eyes seemed to sparkle. Something had changed. She observed as James pulled the chair backwards like a gentleman, a small smile playing on his lips as he sat beside her. Rosalie's memory flew back to when she had told Honey her cousin had arrived.

"Rosalie," James called again, Rosalie raised her eyebrows giving her full attention to the golden boy, "I just asked you if you had slept well... twice,"

Her mind flew from the scene she had witnessed and the interactions of Honey and James, there was something bewildering about them, she was sure.

"I slept as fine as one can, considering" Rosalie answered, eyeing the two, there was nothing obvious to remark that they were involved but Rosalie's could feel the difference in both of their behaviour. It was brightening the whole room.

Rosalie presumed to test her theory, "And you Honey did you manage to rest well?"

"I tried, cousin,"

Rosalie watched as the two busied themselves with their breakfast, she tried to approach the situation gently.

"And you, Cousin James?" Rosalie smiled,

"I? What?" he asked between mouthfuls of bacon. Rosalie kept quiet, allowing her plan to unfold. She shared a look at Honey, hoping her sister would get the message.

"Sleep well?" Honey filled in,

It was the first time the two had spoken to each other since they had awoken, they had been greedily taking in each other's corporeal presence. There was too much to say and mindless chatter would not satisfy their desires to know everything they had missed. This was just a taste of what was to come.

James nodded, "Just fine, thank you for asking,"

Honey blushed slightly and turned back to her breakfast.

"Honey you look different today," Rosalie remarked, it wasn't a lie.

"I do?" she questioned,

Rosalie knew she was pushing a few boundaries, "Glowing, very beautiful indeed."

Honey flushed a pale red and coughed uncomfortably. Rosalie watched James' gaze flash to the girl beside him and then back to his meal.

"Wouldn't you agree, James?" Rosalie asked, teasing him with her gaze. James paused but soon seemed to follow her game.

"Honey always looks radiant," James smiled his stare and raised eyebrow holding Rosalie's gaze, daring her to stop. Rosalie tilted her head and pursed her lips. She interpreted her new friend's look as a means to proceed.

"You notice such delicate things, cousin. That is a rare redeemable character in a man. Wouldn't you agree Honey?"

Honey's gaze was one very different to the game players, it begged they stopped whatever they were playing at. She kept quiet, a silent surrender.

"What of you cousin Rosalie, you seem aloof," James said, firing a warning shot, Rosalie was no longer in control

"What could you possibly mean?" she stood her ground, she shouldn't have doubted James could best her in the game.

"Perhaps it's because our breakfast parlour is missing a certain male, a companion of yours I believe, you two seemed to be getting on quite well," he paused smiling suggestively "Do you perhaps miss his company?" James said nonchalantly. Honey who had thus far been an observer showed a hint of interest. Rosalie was stunned by that shot, she took a thoughtful sip of her coffee, trying to recover some composure. Honey's kind heart came to the rescue,

"James, that doesn't seem appropriate,"

Rosalie watched them interact, she was now certain they were together. From the way, worry clouded his green eyes from possibly offending her.

"It's fine, Honey. I think James is a misunderstanding." Rosalie dared him to spell out the situation. She knew he was too much of a gentleman to say anything further.

"Still, James you should apologise." Honey wasn't looking at James as she spoke, "Making widespread statements like that is impolite."

"Worry not, Honey," Rosalie cut in, "James is firing empty shots,"

"It's our way of communicating," James explained, taking Honey's hand under the table to lay gentle circles on her palm.

"You have a funny way of conversing," Honey mumbled, struggling to form a sentence.

"I think our humour is what allowed us to form such a good bond straight away," Rosalie answered, pretending to be unaware of their delicate touches beneath the table. Her eyes focused on the mix of summer berries. "On the subject of good relationships, you two seem quite close."

James laughed, Honey, blushed, Rosalie continued, "Well, you all seem to be quite close. I suppose you have a great many memories together."

There was a silence, James eyes filled with distress as he looked over at Honey, she eyed him warily, her bottom lip trembling. Rosalie knew that she had said something, something so ignorantly deep, she didn't know how to re-track.

"I'm sorry if I said anything out of place." Rosalie stuttered, Honey's strength hadn't had time to reinforce, it had only been last night the two had begun to reconcile. An involuntary tear escaped. James took her face into his hands, consoling her and wiping the tears with his thumbs. Rosalie rushed around the table to offer her sister comfort, "I'm sorry, I don't know anything" but she was misplaced, James was consoling her with just his presence.

"It's not your fault, I'm just an emotional wreck," she said in between cries,

"Shhh, my sweet don't speak such idiocies." James winced at the insecurities he was guilty for surfacing.

"You were right, Honey our teasing was stupid, I overstepped the line, forgive me. Honey turned to face Rosalie and Rosalie reached for an embrace, it was awkward not only the physical positioning of hugging a seated person but also because Rosalie had never hugged her sister.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered,

"You have nothing to be sorry for, none of it was your fault." Honey's kind heart could see past its current pain and realise that Rosalie was caring for her, offering her more than she ever had before in terms of emotional connection.

"You can tell me when you're ready," Rosalie assured her, "and if you are never ready, I will do my best to support you," Honey squeezed her sister tighter and reluctantly let her go.

Rosalie looked at James squarely, "And you... you better take care of my sister,"

James caught the wrong relation and was about to correct Rosalie when he saw her hands fly to her mouth. She looked at Honey biting her lip,

"I would have told him eventually," she sighed, once the shock had subsided. Rosalie mentally cursed her mistake, she was losing control of her thoughts and emotions since arriving in England. Yet, she had a nagging thought that it was due to someone rather than the change of country.