An Improper Courtship

Natural Insanity

The brothers caught up with the months that had whirled before them in a frenzy of events. It had been close to a year since they had last seen each other. There was a lot to say, yet the conversation still managed to veer itself to something James would have stayed away for months away to avoid.

"What will you do about her?" Blake asked,

James' eyes found a place to settle on the carpet and they focused there.

"You are going to have to speak to her at some point, James."

James' neck stiffened, a vein bulging, his easy countenance slipping to reveal the pain he tried hard to quell.

"I know that!" he hissed, he'd closed his eyes but it had been a wrong decision. He saw her vividly. Her hair cascading red fire down her shoulders and back, ringing laughter and endless chatter.

"You need to apologise," Blake carried on, "She's family, even if she isn't your fiancé anymore."

James' happy demeanour was gone. He stood up, stalking up to his brother and pointing his finger at him.

"You don't understand, do you?" he started "You don't have any idea, how hard that day was for me?" James' voice broke, he was barely breathing. Blake stood up, he felt his heartache for his little brother.

"I know James, but you did more than what anyone would have done, you saved us," Blake didn't know how to comfort his brother, James was so wrapped up in his own thoughts, he did this too often, stayed cocooned up in his own world. His eyes didn't even seem present anymore. They had travelled to a year ago;

James, Blake and Honey Rose had gone for a walk. It was no secret that James and Honey had deep feelings for each other, so whenever they wanted some time alone they would ask Blake to tag along to make the situation less obvious to the prying eyes around them.

However, this occasion had been different. James and Honey had been fighting and it was James idea to take them away to force a resolution. Blake had obliged he was sure they'd be giggling and in each other's arms soon enough, except it hadn't worked out so well,

"Fine!" Honey stamped her foot,

"Fine!" James glared, crossing his arms. A soft whimper escaped Honey's lips and she ran off, lifting her skirts and dashing past Blake who had walked ahead to give the couple some space. Blake looked at the sprinting girl and back at his brother. He shook his head,

"You're being a right i***t!" Blake shouted at his brother, "All you have to do is apologise and you know she'll forgive you."

*Blake felt a droplet of water fall on his nose, he looked up at the greying sky, clouds forming to create a darkening blanket over the forest. Blake turned to leave his brother and find his cousin. The rain had started to fall on to the ground thickly and in the distance the sky rumbled with dissatisfaction, drops fell heavy and hard. Honey was drenched within seconds, the rain was unrelenting and she ran to the cottage she knew was part of her family's land. Blake followed behind her, his steps quickening.

"You know how James is, Honey. Give him time, he only has us," Blake started, helping Honey in through the wooden door and in the fully wooden hut.

Honey's face was a mix of tears and raindrops, she sniffled, "Why does he have to be so stubborn and closed off?" Shaking off the rain. Blake moved towards the fireplace to get it started, the storm looked like it wouldn't let off any time soon.

Blake turned to give her a sad smile, "I would say..." but Blake was cut off as a deafeningly loud stroke of thunder that rumbled to the left of the hut. It sounded frighteningly close. There was a flash on the side of the house and a loud snap.

James slowly made his way in the direction to where the other two had runoff. He was in a right mood. He saw the flash of lightning strike a few seconds after each other, the deep-throated rumbles of nature angry above him.

James had just left the enclosure of wooden trees to find the wooden hut that had belonged to the late gardener. It had an open front yard but the back was semi-circled by many trees. As James paced forward the next moment seemed to slow. A scream escaped James as he watched a tree fall directly onto the house. The creaking trunk had been snapped off by a murderous strike of lightning and with a strong gust, the whole pine had wedged itself onto the house, crashing the roof and falling to the ground.

"HONEY! BLAKE!" he yelled, his eyes frantically searching. His eyes caught on to something, a yellow brightness. The yellow transformed to red engulfing as much as possible. The heap of wood, the trunk and the house was a breeding ground for flames. His brain took a fraction longer than normal to register it as fire. He edged forward, yelling his fiancé's name, his brother's name. The smoke blocked his throat and he finally heard a voice.

"Help Honey," it was strained and distant.

James covered his mouth with the sleeve of his coat and put all his energy into focusing on the scene before him. He saw a peak of red wool, he trod carefully,

"Honey, Honey, my sweet honey." He repeated, calling out. His eyes caught her pale hand twitching, from underneath the rubble of wood. He pulled at the planks of wood on top of her. His hands worked as fast as they could, splinters pricking his hand, muscles aching at the weight of the planks of wood. James felt nothing, his body numb, his heart surely about to give out. Honey lay unconscious, a pool of blood forming on her forehead. James crouched down to pick up the lifeless girl. He rushed to place her on the ground far away from the wreckage. James barely had a second to look at Honey's face when he laid her down on the wet grass before he ran back to the pile of wood.

The rain had slowed the rate the fire spread, but it was a blessing he could barely be grateful for. That and the fact that no one had been buried under the trunk. Blake barely conscious attempted to use his strength to lift the debris.

"Blake, where are you?" James shouted desperately,

A plank of wood was wedged uncomfortably on Blake's chest, making it harder to breathe and speak.

"..fireplace," Blake wheezed, he tried again, squeezing his eyes shut to focus on surviving. A heat warmed his booted feet, the fire felt like it was everywhere.

James went deeper into the wreckage, he reached the dreaded trunk that had fallen and jumped over it. Fully conscious of the fire, James looked into the smoke. He heard his brother wheeze "near...the.. firepla.."

James clambered over the wood, making his way to where the living room had been. He picked up wooden planks, his eyes scanning for anything to hint where his brother was.

"Blake, I'm coming!" James shouted. Blake struggled to move his feet, the heat was unbearable, he could feel the leather melting. James caught sight of his brother's hair black amongst the foggy brown and red. He ripped off his coat and covered the fire.

If you ask James where he had the strength to do what he did that day, he would tell you he didn't know what you're talking about. When James wrenched the debris off his brother he wasn't thinking about what his body was capable of, but that his brother had to survive. That he had lost all his close family and he could not lose Blake. The miracles that occured every day around the world, chose the south of England that day. James pulled his brother, hoisting him up,

"You have to help me, Blake," James almost cried. Whilst both brothers had a similar height, Blake was wider and heavier. Blake's eyes were heavy, white-hot pain shot across his ribs, his feet blistering in unbearable pain, he was ready to slumber off.

"You need to live!" James grunted, lifting his brother with both arms around the chest.

"Step, I can't move your legs forward." James held him up and Blake stepped. It seemed the will to live trumped pain.

The brothers reached the unconscious Honey and Blake's legs gave out, he dropped so heavily if the accident hadn't caused him unreturnable pain, James was sure that fall would have. James ran as he had never before, he ran to the house getting the help they needed.

Days passed as the house filled with doctors, nurses and a psychiatrist. James paced, ate nothing, drank little, slept for as short as the nightmares started.

Honey woke up three days later, her arm broken but otherwise safe. James went to see her but something had broken in him, he could barely bring himself to be happy, relieved, grateful yes but he felt undeserving of happiness. Honey cried, expressed her love for him, thanked him relentlessly but he sat by her bed, his eyes vacant.

His mind was angry, tormented and suffocated. They had been arguing before the incident, it had been his fault, his refusal to admit he had been hiding the truth about his impending departure. His refusal to apologise for something that he shouldn't have hidden. It was his fault they had been in the woods despite the temperamental winter weather. He couldn't allow forgiveness to enter his heart.

His aunt and uncle had called him a hero, had hugged him. He felt like a coward, a fraud.

Blake woke up a week later, his feet burned to a 2nd degree. His lower rib snapped. Bruises all over his body, some splinters but after his concussion, the threat to his life had receded. James didn't even go to see his brother. He hadn't even saved him properly; he felt like the murderer, it had been his fault.

Weeks passed and both were up walking. James barely speaking, Honey trying to show him she was happy. Happy to be alive. She'd creep up to his bedroom at night and lie beside him, kiss his cheeks, stroke his hair, feel his presence. James was withdrawn. Selfishly despite all this guilt, he'd utter few words but his actions showed he did not want to let her go. He'd hold on to her, bury his head into her hair and inhale her scent.

Yet, one night, James locked the door, he couldn't be a hypocrite, reject her mentally but still want her beside him. He didn't deserve her. The next week he was gone. He told his aunt and uncle that his invitation to Jerusalem had been moved up and he was leaving imminently. They hadn't protested, they saw his pain and hoped he would find some healing. A man with connections and fortune, he was gone

Honey wrote letters. Waited by the door, her eyes widening and heart quickening when the post was brought into the drawing-room. By the 2nd month, Honey understood. There would be no replies.