Forever not yours

Times up

“Please just get out Taylor, take your s**t now and go”

How could I have been so stupid. The signs were there, clear as day and I chose to ignore them thinking I was enough but damn was I wrong. They were so similar, wanting the same things in life never in a rush life of the party. But she was my best friend I’ve known her for almost my whole life. How could they do this to me. How long has it been going on? Was it because I wouldn’t have s*x with him and she would? She always teased me about not having s*x and that she already was experienced and I wasn’t even close. I had all these questions but I didn’t want the answers, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle hearing it out loud at the moment after just having fooled around with Taylor. I felt exposed still sitting in my bed naked with just the covers. I wanted to get up and hide I’m my bathroom but my body was numb, unable to move refusing every alarm my mind was saying i couldn’t move. All I could do was pull my knees to my chest and bury my face from the humiliation I was feeling.

Taylor was now sitting on the edge of the bed his back facing me. Hanging his head with his hands in his perfect hair. There was a part of me that wanted to say it’s alright we could work through it but the other part of me said I’d never trust him again at all and it was better to leave this where it is was. He finally stood grabbing his boxers and jeans and sliding them up his body he took a quick glance over his shoulder to look at me. His eyes were pained he opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something but decided against it. Turning away from me, he gathered what was in my room that was his and made his way out without saying another word. I think we both knew that there was nothing left to say the damage was done. It was time to start moving on with my life, alone.

Thankfully Taylor had very little at my house so it shouldn’t take him long to get everything and go, hopefully. It’s not like my house was very big to begin with so he wouldn’t of been able to put lots here anyway. It wasn’t much but it was mine and it was home. Hearing Taylor in the kitchen I decided it was time to take a shower to scrub his scent off of my body and try to erase this memory from my mind. This is where I was glad I had a ensuite on my own so I wouldn’t have to see him. Taking the sheet still wrapped around myself I make my way into the bathroom. It really was my own spa. It was a safe haven for me to escape the harsh reality of life.

It had two sinks with enough counter space for endless make up and product that I could still have space for extra stuff if I needed. A huge tiled walk in shower with the rain head and glass walls. A massive soaker tub that could fit two right next to the shower. I loved having them separate from one another just something about it could put a smile on my face. The ensuite also had my closet in it which was really handy. If every home was like this I’d be in heaven.

I stood at the large mirror that hung above the sink and looked at myself with puffy eyes. How did I get to this spot. Why didn’t I question Taylor about Stephanie more. Why didn’t Stephanie just tell me herself that she was sleeping with my boyfriend for who knows how long. I thought we were friends but I guess I also thought Taylor could of been the one for me too. Quickly I turned on the shower to let it warm up, I enjoyed a hot showered. And that was just what I needed after having my heart broken by the ones who I loved the most. I just wanted this nightmare to be over. Once I stepped into the shower I could feel myself starting to relax. Being glad that we weren’t married or had children or even being together that long. I shouldn’t be as upset as I was really but I just had a feeling that maybe Taylor was the one for me eventually

Finally sure that all memories are scrubbed off of my body I step out of the shower wrap myself in a nice towel and slowly make my way through my room. Hoping that Taylor is finally gone I open my bedroom door slightly and listen for any noise of him moving around. I’m met with silence, so I slowly make my way out of my room to go into the kitchen to make sure everything of his is gone so I don’t have to see him for awhile. Taking a look around and looks like everything is gone except for a piece of paper folded nicely on my kitchen counter. I really don’t want to read it but I decide it’s probably best to ripe the band aid off now and get it over with. What could he have left to say.

Kate,

I know saying sorry won’t change anything but I want you to know how truly sorry I am. I never wanted to hurt you. You had became my best friend, we clicked instantly and I knew from that moment we would be in each other lives forever someway or another.

Stephanie was a mistake. It’s wrong of me to say it but when you wouldn’t have s*x with me, it made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of you and hurt me deeply which is shitty of me to say it that way since I know why you wouldn’t but it just happened and before I knew it Stephanie and I were something.. She knew what I wanted and how I felt about moving forward in life and she wants the same things as me.. but Kate she will never have my heart like you do and always will. I hope one day you can forgive me and we can be friends again

Taylor xoxo

Was he serious?!?! He went to Stephanie because of s*x!?! I saw red, my anger boiling to the top. Stupid of me to think he was okay with waiting when he told me himself he was willing to wait for me. Somewhere along the way he changed his mind and instead of breaking it off with me sooner he went behind my back and slept with my so called best friend. And then to say I’ll always have a place in his heart!?! Nope, I am done with both of them. It was time to start thinking of myself and what I wanted in life and make the move forward. Now to just set my plans into motion. My anger and died down and was replaced with motivation. I felt unstoppable.

Quickly going back into my room to put on some comfy clothes and comb my curly hair. I’d try to relax for the rest of the evening here at home. Since going out was out of the question since I knew Taylor would be out at the bar tonight with the guys and probably Stephanie. I wasn’t ready honestly to talk to anyone about it so I’ll just have a chill night with myself and a good bag of popcorn.