The Killing Scripture

On The Fence

ON THE FENCE

August 19th, 2016 – Georgestown, England

Alicia was enraged, and half of her rage was about the fact that she was enraged on her birthday. She kicked her writing table and then chair, and then she felt a whim to kick herself.

It had always been the worst day of the year—ever. She didn’t know what other people do on their birthday, but other people also indulged in things on the remaining three hundred and sixty-four days. The more she didn’t want to celebrate her birthday, the more her parents insisted. In her long twenty-six years’ life, which seemed really long to her, she didn’t remember a single birthday which was not miserable.

Somebody tapped on the attic door, which was also served as her bedroom, and she tried again, helplessly, to get ready to attend her birthday party. Including her, there were total four permanent residents of Stone Manor. Usually, people find it difficult to live with two parents while they grew up, but she had to answer to three parents. The third parent, besides her biological ones, was her mother’s sister, Flora.

Many years ago, Aunt Flora had left home to go on an adventure with her friends, and nobody heard about her for the next five years. Lucy, Alicia’s mother, was too busy in taking care of her permanently enraged and permanently unemployed husband to bother about anyone else.

Five years later, she appeared on their doorstep and claimed to be a ‘clairvoyant.’ She adjusted with the nasty temper of Steve as comfortably as an old shoe. It was no easy job to live with her father. When Alicia was young, she had seen her mother crying silently in the kitchen too many times to count. The worst thing about the situation was that she never welcomed Alicia in sharing anything with her. Every time she tried getting close to her, she scolded her away until she stopped trying at all. As an only child, Alicia wanted to have a healthy relationship with her parents, but she guesses, after reaching a certain age, that her parents were not even comfortable with each other so what were the chances for her.

The reason Stone Manor opened its door for Flora was that Steve was jobless and Lucy was trying to have another stream of income in the household. Alicia was in school when Flora moved in. Alicia had to move to the attic because Stone Manor had only two bedrooms in it. She didn’t mind living in the attic; on sunny days the large windows filled the attic with bright light. It had a small bathroom. The best part was that she didn’t have to hear any loud noises or fights anymore which happened all the time in the house.

Flora and Lucy were as different from each other as night and day. Where Flora was heavy, warm and kind, Lucy was lean and had a mean outlook on life. Living under the constant fear of her husband had taken away every ounce of affection and warmth from her personality. Lucy’s nagging skill was limitless, once she set her mind that Alicia must do it, nothing could stop her; however, things were changed since Flora came to live with them.

Flora criticized no one openly, but she had a unique way of solving problems and convincing people with a smile. These days, she was the primary breadwinner of the family. She had opened her divination shop just after few weeks of moving in. Whether it was recession or inflation, or probably both, she was making more money than Lucy who taught at a school. It seemed to Alicia that people wanted to know their future, literally, at any cost.

Thinking about Flora, Alicia tied her hair mercilessly in a knot and took a deep breath. She prayed on every birthday to not be in the same house next year, but the situation was not changed. She knew what happened on every birthday and she knew that it would keep repeating until she buckles up and moves out.

————

She braced herself and stepped down from the attic. She found them all gathered in the living room as usual with a cake placed on the center table. Steve was watching the news with a grimace which was a permanent part of his face. Lucy was knitting a scarf, sitting beside Steve, darting cautious glances at him occasionally. Flora had spread a planetary chart on the table in front of her, which was a ritual she did on her birthday, and she looked worried, but she always seemed to be concerned whenever she read Alicia’s future.

She set in front of them with hands in her pockets and looked at them with dead eyes.

“We were calling you since hours,” Lucy said in a disapproved manner.

“If you don’t want to celebrate your birthday, just tell us. At least we will not waste our time for you.” Steve said in a busy tone as if he was responsible for running an entire company.

Flora picked the chart and folded it neatly. She was not looking happy.

“Now bring a knife, how would you cut the cake without it?” Lucy taunted again.

“She has some mental problem ... doesn’t have common sense.” Steve muttered behind her back when she was going to the kitchen. When she came back, she didn’t wait for her parents to leave their activities. She made the pieces, filled the plates and put a plate in front of everybody. Lucy quickly picked the plate and took a mouth full of cake. Steve looked at her furiously.

“Why are you eating this? Can’t you see it is a chocolate cake?” he yelled at her.

Lucy put the plate back on the table and said in a guilty voice, “it is tasty.”

“Will you eat poison if it is tasty enough?” he was annoyed; his face was turning red.

Alicia took her plate and ate. Flora was also chewing her piece without saying a word. She was deep in thoughts today. Usually, she stepped in if Lucy and Steve crossed a line with Alicia, but today she was silent.

Only Alicia understood the real reason behind the anger of Steve. It was a long time ago when she was still in school when she had first tasted a chocolate cupcake. She liked it so much she asked for a chocolate cake on her next birthday. From that day on, Steve made it his job to hate chocolate from the deepest corner of his heart. Whether it was a cake, ice cream, meringue or any other dessert, if there was chocolate in it, he hated it.

Unfortunately, Steve’s idea of hate differed from other people as it was both visible and audible. Put something in front of him he hated, and his face turned red. He would curse the people who did it, and would also try to bully them into not doing it.

Flora tried her best to keep both sides happy most of the time, but Steve was a perpetually unhappy person. The only thing which made him happy was the misery of his family. When Alicia was in school, long before Flora came to live with them, Lucy slipped on the sidewalk one day and got a fracture. Later Alicia heard her father talking to the neighbor that it was a good thing because now she would understand the importance of obeying her husband. Apparently that day Lucy went to her friend’s house, and Steve was not in favor of it.

Steve was not only anti-social himself, but he wanted every person in his household to be anti-social as well. When Alicia made her first friend in school, she was excited and told everybody in the house. Steve yelled at her and cursed her in every word he had in his limited and profane vocabulary, most of them were not appropriate for a child. He told Lucy to watch her or she would become a slut following her friends, to which Lucy paid little attention. Lucy liked to socialize and tried to make as many friends as possible behind her husband’s back.

Alicia tried to finish her serving as soon as possible. The Chocolate Fudge cake was delicious as Flora had made it herself. She collected the plates and turned to the kitchen feeling relieved as it was better than her last birthday where there was a fight went on for four-to-five hours when Lucy said from behind:

“Come back. We need to talk.”

She knew very well what they need to talk about. When she came back, Flora was saying something in slow voice to both, and Steve’s face was getting darker with every second. The only reason Steve tolerated Flora because she was the hen who laid the golden eggs.

“What do you plan to do next?” Lucy asked as if she was asking something after a while.

“Looking for a job which I am already doing.”

“You are doing it since last four years.” Steve tried to keep the poison in his tone to the minimum, but it still stung.

“What have you thought about marriage?” Lucy asked.

“I don’t want to get married.” She said in a matter-of-fact tone. She might be indecisive about many things in her life, but she knew that she was not ready for marriage yet.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Lucy asked. “If you have one, you can tell us.”

It was much easier to pretend she was still sixteen than to realize that she was a fully-grown woman and still had to answer these ridiculous questions.

“I stay at home all day. How can I get a boyfriend?” she tried to stay patient.

“You have internet. You might have one on Facebook.” Lucy was still suspicious.

“Then I would have told you about that.” She stared at the faded yellow print on the brown carpet.

“There is a guy, one of your father’s relatives. He is of the right age, and he is also looking for a bride.” Alicia could not be interested in any man at this point, rather the one his father liked, but she knew it was much better to handle her parents without getting emotional.

“What does he do?” she asked.

“He runs a business with his brother,” Steve spoke this time.

Flora intervened. “At least tell her the truth.”

Lucy and Steve looked at each other with a distinct air of doing something very uncomfortable.

“He doesn’t have a job, but his brother is a business owner, and they have this big house which must be worth in millions.” Lucy was fond of big houses. The double storey Stone Manor was hardly accommodating four people at a time.

Alicia rubbed her forehead with the tips of her fingers. “How will he make a family in this situation?”

“He wants a partner with a full-time job, and he is ready to be a stay-at-home parent,” Lucy said.

“All right, then tell him that I also want a partner with a full-time job, and in return, I am ready to be a stay-at-home parent.” Alicia kept her calm.

“Why you want to make everything so difficult for us? Don’t you feel pity for us a little bit?” Lucy burst with anger finally. She was half-crying, half-raging as if she didn’t know which approach would work best on her daughter.

“What have I done? I am looking for a job, and I don’t want to get married. What’s the problem with it?” Alicia defended herself, “why do you always react as if I have done something wrong with you?”

“Because you are not getting married. All girls of your age have been married now.” Lucy’s face was contorted with repulsion.

“You know this is not true.” Alicia lost her temper in the face of this blatant lie. “I had proposed to move with Cady, but you didn’t let me, and by the way, she is also of my age, and she is also not married.”

“Cady? That w***e? You want to live with Cady?” Steve cursed her friend, and that was enough to send her over the edge, but before she could say something, Flora stood up.

“Enough.” She said in the loud voice which seldom comes out of her mouth. She usually had a soft, friendly manner of speaking. When she stood up during a conversation, no one in Stone Manor dared to talk back.

“Go to your room.” She told Alicia and then turned to her sister and brother-in-law. “I don’t want to hear about this guy anymore. There is no point in discussing this subject until Alicia gets a full-time job. We cannot leave everything to fate.”

Flora joined her in the attic a few minutes later, where she was mindlessly scrolling her f*******: feed.

“Let’s go shopping.” The older woman suggested.

“Not in the mood.” She replied without looking at her.

“Pizza?”

“Not in the mood.”

“Books?”

Alicia raised her head and looked at her, and then they both smiled together. Reading was the only hobby she had since childhood. Whenever an ugly spat broke in the house, she used to hide in her room and read a book. Books were always gentle and blissful to her, like a mother’s lap. Flora knew her obsession with stories and often gave her books.

“Thanks, but I have still not finished the previous batch.”

“Then go for window shopping.” Flora dragged her out of her floor bed.

Flora had a white fiat five enough for the aunt and niece to roam around the town aimlessly.

“You know that you had to get a job eventually,” Flora said while driving. It was difficult for her to get into the driving seat due to her weight, but she was mortally afraid of letting Alicia take the wheel.

“I am trying.” She said in a robotic manner; a stock answer for a stock question.

“It has been four years, and you are an L.L.B. Somehow it is difficult to accept that there are no jobs for a lawyer.”

Alicia had finished the law graduate program a long time ago, and it all felt like a dream. It was me, or somebody like me? Perhaps I am the ghost of that girl.

“Look this is a small town, and there are not many legal jobs around. There are plenty in London and Cambridge, but I am not allowed to go out of town.” Alicia said.

“Well, they are right in this instance. It is a dangerous world out there for a girl to live alone.”

“And I am twenty-six years old, for God’s sake.” Alicia hated it when she was treated as a teenager.

“You want to play this card? Fine. Get a boyfriend and move out. I will convince Lucy and Steve personally.” Flora stopped the car at a Pizza franchise.

“Stop messing with my head,” Alicia muttered lazily. If getting married was her parent’s favorite topic, then getting a boyfriend was Flora’s favorite subject.

“You know the problem, Alicia. You are not moving on.” Flora said sympathetically after ordering pizza for both.

“No. The problem is that I am forced to start new relations, while I don’t want to. I am getting forced to do things so that others can sleep peacefully at night. Nobody is happy in my happiness, yet I am forced to make them happy.” She said. “All I ask for is to have my own experiences in life.”

“Really? What life-changing experiences you have in last four years? At least you had a life before it.”

“I want to, but I have no means. Cady had offered me to live with her in London. I can still go there and look for a job.” Alicia said.

“Why are you so determined to move out of town?”

“It is hopeless here.” She looked at the pizza shop’s take away window. How often she had come here in her college days. There were memories everywhere she went, and the problem with memories is that they look like mistakes after a while.

“You are mourning over Harry,” Flora said quietly.

“I have told you many times. I don’t want to talk about him,” Alicia said coldly. Every time Flora talked about Harry, instead of the burning fire of anger, she felt lifeless and cold, and today was no different either. She never understood why people must discuss life goals on birthdays as if they evaluated whether they deserved to be born or not.