Hello, Kenzo

Still You

The thick smoke of candles, cigarettes, and alcohol hung heavy in the air, as did the pungent smell of lilies, chrysanthemums, and roses mingling with it. Dull cries resonated from the crowd gathered in the small funeral area. The noise was muffled by the closed door of the mortuary to the waiting room, where I sat with Kenzo, trying hard to contain all the emotions rushing through me as all eyes lay on us.

The people who used to be my friends sat three tables away from us, but their eyes were glued to us, and surely they were talking about us for hours now. I never knew being a celebrity was this hard. What a joke!

"Tell me when you want to go," Kenzo whispered to me, his soft voice bringing a sense of security that came from his proximity. He wrapped his long arms around my waist, squeezing slightly for reassurance as he did so.

"I'll be here for Dani no matter what," I whispered back to him, as part of me felt so guilty that things wouldn't have ended this way.

But our conversation was interrupted because I heard someone approaching us from outside. Dani was walking towards us, but with her head down, she didn’t look up until she was close enough. Her face held an expression I hadn’t seen in years, and even though she smiled, I could tell something about her face didn’t quite fit right. The slight grimace she wore looked unnatural.

She motioned for me to follow her, and I knew that refusing her would make things worse, so I stood up and trailed after her, my arm sliding through Kenzo's as we walked out of the funeral hall.

"Dani," I said softly, once we were alone outside of the building and in the cool evening air. I reached out for her hand, and she took it, but I couldn't help noticing how it seemed cold to me. "Are you alright?"

"I do not want to cause any more scenes here, so I have made the decision that we should just end our friendship here. I already lost someone because you are too selfish and self-centered; you only cared about your happiness!"

My eyes filled with tears as she continued. "You always thought you could solve anything by using everyone around you; you would live the way you want, lie as much as you want, and I'm very tired of understanding you!" Dani's last sentence struck a chord inside of me, making me angry at myself. I knew she was right and I had been wrong, and I was going to try and make up for it as soon as possible, but I was too late. She was right! I wasn't a person like most normal people or anything else, and she had been patient enough with me for six whole years, and I would be hurting her more if I continued to see her.

"I'm sorry, Dani! I'm sorry! I'll leave! I'm sorry!" I broke into tears; I could not help it. I felt losing Dani was like losing everything good—like losing the world. "I just hope that someday you find it in your heart to forgive me!"

Kenzo put a comforting arm around my shoulders as the two of them waited for me to calm down, but before I could say anything else, Dani turned and went into the building. "Let's go. We cannot ask for people to understand or stay in our lives when things get rough." He smiled at me.

He held my hand and squeezed it briefly, then led me to my car. "I'll drive, so take a rest while we head back home." Kenzo helped me sit on the passenger seat, fastened my seatbelt, and shut the door behind himself before climbing into the driver's side. As he started the car, I leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes. I wanted to drip away somewhere far from here to escape all this misery and heartache that I had caused other people. But I couldn't. And I was grateful that Kenzo decided to bring me home because I needed him right now more than ever.

We entered my apartment silently. Kenzo helped me down on the couch and locked the door before going to the kitchen. "Go clean yourself, and I'll prepare something to eat," he said while putting on an apron.

"You don't have to; go back to your brother now, and your job needs you," I told him quietly while getting off the couch. "I can manage," I continued as he got ingredients from the pantry.

"That is the least of my problems right now, so I will spend whatever time I have here to care for you," he replied while preparing the rice cooker and a pot of water to heat up. "I'll leave when I know you're alright."

"Just leave! Is it that hard to understand?" My voice sounded like I was shouting, which made him freeze mid-action. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you like this. Please, just go." I tried desperately to hide the hurt in my voice.

"If I leave, I'll never return. So you can go back to the way you used to live, get back all the people you lost, and stop the possible chaos your life is headed to because you chose me!" Kenzo put the rice cooker to work and started cutting the ingredients he needed to make ramen. "If you ask me to leave, you are asking me to leave for good!"

My knees felt weak after hearing his words. I plopped back down on the couch, and my body trembled with the thought of throwing everything away because I was losing the people I used to have in my life. I held my chest in so much pain while staring at Kenzo's back, wishing he could see how scared I was to lose him forever.

I saw him put all the ingredients in the pot and put the pot's lid on before removing the apron and walking to me. He was crying.

Kenzo crouched in front of me, and I quickly brought my hands up to my eyes in embarrassment. I couldn't let him see how badly I was breaking down in front of him and that I couldn't control my emotions. "The rice will be cooked in thirty minutes, the ramen will be done in twenty minutes, and I'm sorry I came at a very wrong time. I'm sorry you have to suffer because I am a nobody. I am sorry I cannot be enough. I am sorry I am wrong for you. I am sorry I am younger and incapable."

He was crying while saying the words I never wanted him to feel. It was heartbreaking and infuriating that things had to end up this way. I wanted to hold him, tell him I never even once regretted meeting him. He kissed my hand and my forehead, his tears falling onto both our hands before I could pull away. His touch was electric, sending sparks all over my skin. I couldn't speak a word, or else I would not be able to let him go.

I am letting him go because I was wrong for him. He could go to great heights if he wanted to, and I would not be the reason for him not to attain that. But even if he leaves my life, I don't think I'd want those people who turned their backs on me back into my life.

"Take care," I shortly said, as I tried so hard to bite my tongue to stop him.

Kenzo stood up and smiled weakly before walking to the door. "I love you, Stella!"

My phone vibrated, and it was just perfect timing so that I would not have to see him leave. I opened the message, and for a moment, I realized that I had already lost so much to lose Kenzo too.

I threw the phone on the couch and hurriedly ran to catch up on Kenzo, but he did not go far; he was just at the door, sitting on the cold floor, crying.

"You changed your mind?" he asked, weakly laughing while his tears flooded his cheeks.

"I never change my mind!" I hissed and crouched in front of him, sealing his lips with mine. "I am having you till the end; even if I have to lose everyone, except for my family. You and my family are enough!" I cried as I pulled away from our quick kiss.

"But..."

"Prove me you'll stay with me, whatever happens, and I'll be fighting for you till you say it's not me anymore. So, next week, prepare your things; we'll be going to the beach!" I smiled, wiping off his tears while he wiped mine too.

"Why?"

"I got the brand, and we are celebrating!"