The Echo of Abuse and Love

Chapter 13

Luke

“Luke…”

I roll to my back, trying to open my eyes through the sleepiness holding down my eyelids.

“Hey, are you awake?”

The voice sounds familiar, but I can’t quite place it.

“Luke.”

Shea.

I sit up in bed, suddenly very awake, and very aware of the fact that I am shirtless and Shea is sitting on the edge of my bed.

“Are you okay? What's wrong?” s**t, she looks so incredible. Her dark hair falls down her back in a mess of waves, and her torso is barely covered by one of my sister's tank tops. The bare skin of her shoulders and chest seem to almost glow in the faint light of the moon through the window.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She says quietly, staring at her hands. “I just can’t sleep. Sorry, I shouldn’t have bothered you.” She stands from my bed, and I get a glimpse of her soft legs, she’s got on a pair of cotton sleep shorts that don’t even count as clothing. My brain fogs over for a moment and I can’t help but take in the sight of her standing there. She oozes beauty, even in pj’s and no makeup.

“No it’s okay.” I say quickly. “I’m glad you woke me up, can I do anything for you?”

She shakes her head, still not looking at me. I scoot in bed until I can throw my legs over the edge and sit in front of her. “What’s going on?”

“You’re going to think I’m childish.” She says quietly.

“I could never. Tell me what’s wrong?” I take her hands in mine, trying to keep my distance, when all I want to do is wrap my arms around her.

“I had a bad dream.” She tries for a laugh, but it sounds strangled. “I know it’s stupid, but…” She trails off, and my heart hurts for her “Can I lay in here with you?”

My mouth goes dry. “Of course.” I hope she doesn’t hear the slight tremble in my voice. It’s not like I haven’t been in bed with a girl before, but never with someone who stirs so many feelings up in me.

She smiles gratefully. I can see some of the tension leave her body, and practically crawls over me to get to the other side of the bed. I turn slowly, calculating my own moves to make sure I keep my distance as I lay back down on my side, facing her.

Shea does the same, laying on her side. With her hair splayed behind her on the pillow, and her tank top dropping slightly in the front I amend my previous thought. This is the most beautiful I’ve ever seen her. “Thank you.” She says quietly, and if I'm not mistaken there's a hint of embarrassment in her voice.

I pull the covers up over us, “do you want to talk about it?”

She goes quiet and I’m afraid I’ve said something wrong. We lay there a long time, Shea isn’t looking at me, she’s studying the blanket between us this time, and I’m afraid she’s going to roll over or leave. “It’s nothing big.” She says finally, rolling onto her back. “I just have nightmares sometimes. Some are more real and more jarring than others. Sometimes I just wake up with a sick feeling in my stomach, and sometimes I remember vivid details. Tonight I just woke up feeling a little sick and couldn’t go back to sleep.” She sighs deeply.

“I’m sorry.” I say quietly, even though I know that's not helpful.

She turns her head to me and gives me this small sad smile that sends my heartbeat into a wild frenzy in my ears. "It's definitely not something you need to be sorry for." She scoots herself closer to me, still lying on her back, but she takes my hand in hers and I feel like I'm f*****g 12 again when my first girlfriend Mandy held my hand on the bus after school. I have to concentrate and focus on my breathing as I study her. Every part of me is screaming to touch her— kiss her. But I hold steady, something feels like I need to let her make all of the moves. I don't want her to think the only reason I let her into my bed is because I want something from her. Even though part of my brain is rejoicing because every secret fantasy I've ever had seems to be coming to life before my very eyes.

I'm struck by the realization that tomorrow is going to come way too quickly and this weird little bubble we've erected around ourselves is going to crumble. Eva will come home, and things will go back to normal. And I desperately don't want that. I allow myself to study her lips. In the dim light they look pillow-soft and dark pink. They're full, perfect, and all I want is to know what they feel like against mine.

It feels like she can read my mind because she rolls onto her side facing me, and my mouth goes dry as her breasts, settle against me with only the thin fabric of her tank top separating us. Her tongue darts out to wet her lower lip and my brain does somersaults. I can't stop myself before my hand creeps up to brush softly against her cheek. I can't tell if I'm imagining it or not, but the look in her eyes seems to be mirroring all of the feelings swirling around inside of me. Pressure feels as though it's building behind my eyes as I strain to make sense of what's happening.

"Thanks again for saving me tonight." Her words are so quiet I don't know if they're meant for me. But then the thing happens that I've been dreaming of for so long. Shea shifts again, and her lips connect with mine. It's like all of the air rushes from my lungs at once, and I'm too stunned to move or react. The kiss is so soft, just a simple sweep of her lips across mine. But the fireworks that sound off behind my eyes leave me hazy with longing when she pulls back slightly.

Mechanically my hand tightens in her hair, anchoring her in place. Her lips are barely a centimeter away from mine, and her breathing is shallow and unsteady.

"Shea." Her whispered name on my lips sounds like a reverent question. Desire and appreciation mingle around, entwining themselves in my chest.

Her eyes search my face, and the look she gives me seems just as heavy as I can only imagine mine feels. I close the distance again, pressing a second kiss against her mouth and she exhales in a way that sends the sweetest shivers down my spine.

That's all it takes. The third kiss has her bringing her body completely flush against mine. I revel in the feel of her breasts fully pressed against me, and my hand slips down her length to pull her hips closer to mine. She angles her head slightly, giving me better access to her mouth, and her tongue slips along my lips causing an involuntary grown to escape from me. She sighs her approval against my mouth, snaking her arms around my shoulders. I don't think I've ever experienced a kiss like this. Shea makes me instantly breathless. I am both satisfied to just kiss her for the rest of my life like this and also in deep need of more.

I'm the one who breaks the kiss first. Both of us are panting hard, and even though my hands are aching to find their way under her clothes I stop myself. Not tonight. I tell myself. Not like this. She is not the person to lose control with — not the person to use for a quick lay. No matter how much my body cries out for her.

Her eyes are heavily lidded, and I hope it's because she's feeling just as much as I am. I lean back in for one more prolonged soft kiss before settling back slightly into the pillows.

"You should try and get some sleep." I say quietly, keeping her against me as close as possible. I think confusion might pass over her face, but it's gone too quickly for me to be sure. She nods slowly, allowing me to tuck her against my chest. In the next moment I feel her yawn. Her breath dancing lightly against my skin, doing nothing to calm the fire blazing under my skin from her touch.

I know we need to talk about this at some point. But that conversation can wait until morning. I lay there, listening to her breathing slowly even out snd become deep. I don't know how long I lay there after she falls asleep, my mind tumbling over and over the kiss.

Regardless of the impending bubble-pop that was coming tomorrow, I didn't think I could let her go. Not if there was even the slightest chance of something coming of this. My chest burned with floods of confusing feelings.

But there was no going back now.