The CEO's Secret

Chapter Fifteen - Going Home

Despite our declaration of JUST friendship, Shane and I settled into a comfortable cuddling session. I was tucked against his side under his arm with my arm draped over his chest. His cheek leaned against the top of my head and his hand gently rubbed up and down my arm.

“It's been a long time since I've had any kind of intimacy, both s****l and otherwise, so I'm enjoying it while we're already in too deep, if that's okay with you.” Shane said.

“I've already told you, it's okay with me. And we aren't in too deep, it'll be fine. You worry entirely too much. What are you so worked up about? We had s*x, as two consenting adults, no issue there.” I said.

“You go back home, let it slip to Megan and Ashley, whoever else you're friends with at work, it gets back to HR... It looks like I slept with you for your gain or mine. The company isn't a private company, I have the board to answer to. I'd lose everything.” Shane said.

“I'm not going to tell anyone.” I said. “I enjoyed it as much as you did.”

“I appreciate that. We definitely need to act like it didn't happen, though. It can never get back to anyone and we can't let anyone suspect anything. I like you, this time with you has been amazing. I didn't anticipate falling for you over the course of the meetings we've had but it happened regardless of my intention. That doesn't mean we should risk it. Suspicion is almost as bad as admitting it.” Shane said.

“We go back to normal when we get back, got it.” I said. “We could still have dinner sometimes, though.”

“Maybe.” Shane said.

We packed up our rooms and headed to the airport. We held hands in our car there. We boarded the plane and held hands and slept on each other on the way back. Time was slipping away and I was disappointed to see it go. I'd had such a small glimpse of what we could've had and it was sad to never let the story play out.

When Shane dropped me off at my apartment, he made sure to remind me that going forward, our relationship had to remain strictly professional. I was more hurt than I thought, almost like I'd expected him to change his mind, but it was silly of me to have thought that.

He kept his promise. We barely spoke at work. In fact, he completely ignored me. He didn't look my way in the hallway. He didn't wave hello. He didn't call me to his office for meetings or offer to meet after work to discuss things.

We communicated strictly in emails. We talked only about work. If I attempted to speak to him about anything not work related, he would quickly end the conversation. My texts went unanswered.

I also kept my promise. I didn't tell anyone about what had happened between us. When anyone asked about the trip, I simply stuck to telling them about the incredible experience that it was career wise and barely mentioned Shane.

Eventually, I got angry and felt used. Had his plan been all along to sleep with me, and now that he had gotten that, he wouldn't need to speak to me? Had all of the meetings about work been a ploy to spend time with me so he could get into my pants? Were all the fancy dinners and nights at the bar just simply an elaborate plan? Was inviting me on the trip just the icing on the deception cake?

I reminded myself that I was the one who approached him with the idea of having s*x. I had technically been the one to pursue him. What had I expected? In the end, my own reminders of how the situation occurred were useless.

I still felt broken and hurt. I still felt deceived and used. First of all, Shane was someone I had confided in about my relationship with Colt. I had relied on him to be okay with the way Colt had hurt me and without someone to validate my feelings, I was feeling lost. I was reliving the grief of breaking up with Colt. It was two-fold when mixed with not speaking to Shane. We'd become closer than I'd realized and his absence from my life shook me more than I would have ever imagined. Secondly, I had never considered a relationship with Shane before that night. The trip had been amazing and I realized quickly how hard I had fallen for him. I enjoyed his company and getting a taste of what our relationship could look like only made the fact that it didn't look that way even worse.

I considered messaging him and explaining how I felt. I realized quickly, though, that it would risk losing my job. I could message him and lay it all out, but his response could go either way. He could realize he was wrong and feel badly for how he was acting – but then what? It didn't change our situation. Alternatively, he could get angry and fire me. He could take it to HR and pretend like I'm crazy. He could turn it around on me.

I'd keep my mouth shut, then, and eventually move on from Shane like I did from Colt.