A Dream Come True

6. Zeus and Hera-2

Just as Fatima began to think that Hera had forgotten about them, the goddess said, “Once Zeus was my hero. After all, he had led the fight against our cruel father Cronus and won it, making us safe. Shortly after that, I made my home far to the west, in the garden of the Hesperides, the nymphs of sunset. Zeus, already in love with me, followed me there, but he did not know how to approach me. He changed himself into a cuckoo and pretended to be cold outside. Taking pity on the bird, I took it into my home, at which point Zeus immediately transformed back into his magnificent godly presence and made love to me right then and there.

“We were married shortly afterward, the happiest day of my entire life—which has been thousands of years long, so that is saying quite a bit. Zeus, already king of the gods, made me his queen. I loved him with all my heart, and he loved me—or so I thought.

“Gaia gave me a marvelous tree as a wedding present. It produced golden apples that some stories said could grant immortality, though, since I planted it in the garden of the Hesperides, which no mortal could reach, their power has never been put to the test. I loved the tree for its beauty—and for the memories of that one happy day. I will never see another tree like that one, nor live another day like that one.”

“Why not?” asked Fatima. Thanos, Keisha, and Yong cringed, for they all knew the answer already.

“Zeus still claims to love me, but he has never been faithful to me. Epic was his wisdom, epic was his power—and equally epic was his infidelity. He claims he betrayed our marriage vows to father the many gods and heroes who have contributed so much to the universe, and I cannot deny their contributions, but…”

Hera seemed unable to finish the thought.

“But you could tell that was just an excuse,” said Keisha gently.

Hera nodded. “He could have produced nothing but monsters—something our brother Poseidon has done occasionally—and he would still have kept right on having s*x with every attractive female he could reach. As king of the gods, if he could see someone, he could reach them.

“Your guide, Hermes, is the child of one such relationship, in that case between Zeus and the Titaness Maia. He also slept with the Titaness Leto and fathered the twins, Apollo and Artemis, as well as with the Oceanid Dione who some say was the mother of Aphrodite. With Dione’s sister, Metis, he is said to have fathered Athena, though others say he was Athena’s only parent, as she sprung full grown from his head.”

To the people who hadn’t read the book, that was confusing, but none of them had the nerve to interrupt, except for Patrick, who would certainly have interrupted if he hadn’t been so mesmerized by the sheer number of Zeus’s s****l exploits.

Noticing their confusion, Hera said, “Athena can tell that story better than I can. In any case, since Zeus and I had Ares and Hephaestus, among other children, and Zeus fathered Dionysus with Semele, a mortal woman, he was the father of all the principal gods of the younger generation.

“You would think that would have been enough for him, but no. He made love to our sister Demeter and fathered Persephone. He made love to Aphrodite and is said by some to be the father of Eros, though others say the love god really existed from the beginning. He made love to the Titaness Mnemosyne and fathered the nine Muses. He made love to the Titaness Themis and fathered among other Dike (justice)—ironic, given how little justice I received.”

“What a stud,” whispered Patrick admiringly.

“Even the repugnant Eris, goddess of discord, was not unpleasant enough to deter Zeus, who slept with her and fathered Limos, the very personification of starvation.”

“When you need s*x badly enough, it doesn’t really matter if the girl’s ugly,” said Patrick, this time loudly enough that Hera couldn’t avoid overhearing him.

“Am I to understand that you side with my husband in this matter?” the queen of the gods asked in a tone cold enough to freeze an inferno. “Do you think to justify what he did?”

Anyone with an ounce of common sense would have backpedaled at this point. Unfortunately for Patrick, he was the one member of the group who most clearly lacked common sense.

“Well, that’s just the way guys are,” he said with a shrug.

If only he had read the mythology book, he would have known about Hera’s terrible temper. Unfortunately, he hadn’t gotten past page one, and now he was going to pay for his negligence.

Hera cursed him in Greek, each syllable vibrating with rage. Then she waved her arm at Patrick, and suddenly he was gone. In his place was a small, red-haired Irish setter.

Hera had turned him into a dog!

The others were too stunned to react at first. Hermes had guaranteed nothing like this would happen. Of course, Hermes was not yet back—and Patrick had been asking for it. Still, his fellow group members couldn’t help but feel sympathy for him.

“Yet even all those goddesses were not enough to satisfy him,” Hera said, picking up the earlier conversation as if nothing unusual had happened. “Of the Greek heroes whose father was a god, that god was Zeus more than half the time. Heracles, whom you might know as Hercules, was the most famous, but he was certainly not the only one.”

Patrick lay down on the floor and started whining, but Hera ignored him.

“The three judges of the Underworld were all once mortal kings and sons of Zeus. So was the heroic Perseus, the traitorous Tantalus, the beautiful Helen of Troy, and so many others, some of whom you will doubtless meet later. That most of them did much good in the world, I cannot deny—but knowing their contributions did nothing to decrease my pain.”

Keisha could hardly believe that she was thinking of ways to get Hera to show Patrick some mercy. She was relieved that Zeus and Hermes had just returned. Surely they would do something.

“Wife, what have you been telling our guests?” asked Zeus, his tone nearly as cold as hers had been with Patrick.

“And what have you been doing to them?” asked Hermes, pointing at the dog that had formerly been Patrick.

Zeus looked in Patrick’s direction. “How can we expect mortals to respect the host-guest relationship if we do not? Reverse this transformation at once!”

“He has given great offense,” said Hera, glancing at the dog, who whimpered and back further away. “I will not undo what I have done.”

Keisha was even more worried now. She had read somewhere that what was done by one god could not be undone by another. Zeus could punish Hera for disobeying him, but he couldn’t change Patrick back unless she agreed to it.

“As your king, I command you to undo the damage,” insisted Zeus. Was it Keisha’s imagination, or was he edging closer to his thunderbolts?

No, she wasn’t imagining it. She could tell that Hera had seen the movement as well.

“Oh, very well,” the queen of the gods said. “I shall do it—if you do something for me in return.”

“I am not in the mood to bargain,” replied Zeus, one hand on a thunderbolt. “Do what I have ordered. When you are done, I will hear your request.”

Keisha got the feeling that Hera might have continued her defiance if any other gods had been around to back her up, but aside from Zeus, only Hermes was present, and the messenger of the gods didn’t look any happier with her than Zeus was.

“As you wish, dear husband,” she said mockingly. She turned in Patrick’s direction—and froze.

The dog Patrick had become was gone.

Hera recovered quickly from her surprise. “It appears the dog has left of his own accord. I cannot take back my curse if I cannot see the animal.”

“If this is some trick—” began Zeus, lifting a thunderbolt.

“You have been staring at me the whole time,” protested Hera. “How could I have spirited the dog away without your seeing something?”

“That is true,” admitted Zeus. “Still, someone must have taken the dog. He is your friend,” he said to the group. “Certainly, one of you must have seen something.”

“I…think we were all watching you and Hera,” said Yong. “I know I was.”

“Someone who can move very fast must have done this, for our conversation has not been long,” said Zeus, looking suspiciously at Hermes.

“I’ve been standing right next to you the whole time, Majesty,” said Hermes. “Had I hidden the dog and returned, you would certainly have noticed something. Anyway, I pledged to our guests no harm would come to them.”

“Iris is said to be able to move fast, is she not?” asked Thanos.

“Iris?” asked Fatima, looking puzzled.

“The first messenger of the gods,” replied Hermes. “She is more ancient than I. Gaia and Pontus had a son, Thaumas, who married Electra, the Oceanid. Iris is one of their children. She flies along the rainbows on her golden wings and is almost as fast as I am.”

“More to the point,” said Zeus, “after she was replaced by Hermes as the primary messenger, she still flew occasional missions—particularly for Hera, as I recall.”

“I had no opportunity to summon her,” said Hera. “Again, you were watching me this whole time.”

“Perhaps she acted on her own,” said Zeus. “Her twin sister, Arce, was a traitor—you’ll recall she served as a messenger for the Titans. Perhaps Iris would enjoy losing her wings and joining her sister in Tartarus.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” snapped Hera. “Iris has never been anything but loyal. If, as you think, she took the dog, you had not ordered her not to. You can hardly call what she did treason, then.”

Instead of responding to her, Zeus turned to Hermes. “If Iris is involved, she could hardly have gotten in and out in broad daylight without Helios seeing her. Go at once to him and ask if he can tell us where she went.”

“Helios, the sun, is all-seeing,” Zeus explained to the group. “If Iris has taken your friend, he will have seen something.”

Hermes left so fast he seemed to vanish. Unfortunately, he returned just as quickly, looking unhappy.

“Helios told me there is too much cloud cover around Olympus at the moment. If Iris came and went, he would not have seen her.”

“Did you think to ask if he saw the dog?” asked Zeus.

“Yes, I did, but he cannot help us there. He can see millions of dogs. Telling which one used to be a human being? That he cannot do from so far up in the sky.”

“Which means the poor soul could be anywhere,” said Zeus, glaring at Hera.

“I am willing to take an oath on the River Styx that I had nothing to do with this,” said Hera.

Again ignoring her, Zeus turned to the group. “Never fear! I will not rest until I find your friend.”

“Or at least until you find another woman with whom you can amuse yourself,” muttered Hera. Zeus reached again for the thunderbolts and Hera, realizing she had pushed as far as she could at this point, left the throne room without a word.

“What exactly did the boy say that so angered her?” Zeus asked as soon as he was certain she couldn’t hear.

“I believe he said something about how men, in general, react to s****l temptation,” said Thanos.

Zeus chuckled, “Ah, yes, that would have invited her wrath. Hermes, go and find Apollo. As the god of prophecy, among other things, he may be able to see what it would take us months to seek out.”