I Was Her

Chapter 1

YARA'S POINT OF VIEW

I slowly blow out smoke, looking up at the sky as if I’m checking for rain. The clouds are dark and heavy. There’s no sun, but I can still feel its heat. Another day, another f**k-up mission. I toss my cigarette to the ground, start up my bike, grab the helmet hanging from the handlebar, put it on, and head out to work.

"Miss!"

I glance at the man on the motorcycle who stops beside me at the light. He lifts his hand slightly, signaling me to rev my bike so he can hear its roar. I don’t respond right away, but when the light turns green, I start my bike and ride off quickly, getting cheers from some nearby riders. They’re on bikes too, but mine stands out the most.

"Yara!"

I’m just taking off my helmet when a familiar woman calls out to me in the parking lot.

I feel her coming closer, but I don’t look back. I get off the bike and hang the helmet on the handlebar. Security is tight here, so it won’t get stolen. Siguro naka halumpasay na agad sila—mga ilang hakbang palayo palang sa motor ko. Bahagya kong naisuklay ang mga daliri ko sa sobrang ikli kong buhok na siyang dahilan kung bakit ako napag kakamalang lesbian—all the time.

I look back at Hope, who’s holding a black bento cake.

"Happy birthday!" she says with a grin.

The cake is all black except for the white writing on top.

"Ay, gago! Wait!" the candle isn’t lit, and she quickly pulls out a lighter to fix it.

"Make a wish," she says, handing me the cake.

I glance at the writing. "Magpadilig ka na?"

Hope laughs loudly. "That’s my wish for you. Now, it’s your turn."

"But my birthday is tomorrow," I say.

"Exactly. I wanted to be first, as always. Now, wish!"

I take a deep breath.

We’re alone in the parking lot, so it’s not embarrassing. Since Hope and I became close, she does this every year. She always greets and celebrates a day early, and she never forgets to make a bento cake herself. She’s my only friend and the best among my co-workers. She understands me and always makes me smile when we’re together.

I close my eyes for a few seconds.

Just as I’m about to blow out the candle, her hand quickly covers my mouth.

"Anong wish mo?"

I glare at her as her eyes narrow, and she slowly removes her hand from my mouth.

"Like wala na sana next year?"

"Hoy, gago ka! Kumatok ka nga!" she says, taking the bento cake from me. She guides my hand to knock on the seat of my big bike.

"Umayos ka nga diyan! Mag-wish ka ng maayos!" she says, clearly annoyed, as she holds the cake toward me.

I laugh at her, but I quickly stop when I realize she isn’t joking. I bite my lip to hold back my laughter and close my eyes. I keep them shut for a few seconds but don’t make a wish because I don’t know what I want. I open my eyes when I feel it’s enough to convince Hope that I wished for something.

"Anong wish mo?"

"Napaka-chismosa mo talaga!" I blurt out, grabbing her hand to stop her from taking the cake away.

For a moment, she freezes, worried she might drop it, so I quickly blow out the candle, and finally, it goes out. I chuckle softly as I see Hope pouting, her brows furrowed as she hands me the cake and the paper bag she brought.

"Tara na nga!" she exclaims and starts walking away from me.

"Teka!" I shout, but she keeps walking as if she doesn’t hear me.

I peek into the paper bag and smile when I see a plastic spoon. I take it out and start eating the bento cake as I walk toward the building. I didn’t have breakfast, and Hope’s cakes are too good to wait.

Inside, Hope greets me at the door.

"So slow," she says, clearly waiting for me.

I hand her the rest of the cake, and she takes a bite without hesitation.

"It’s yours now," I tell her, not wanting to waste food. She nods, clearly enjoying it. Edi sana dalawa na lang ang ginawa niya, di ba?

We head to the elevator. She eats loudly, making me cringe in the awkward silence.

"Stop chewing like that," I mutter.

"It’s good, so deal with it," she replies with a smirk.

I’m relieved when we reach the eighth floor, and she’s finally done.

At the boss’s office, I toss the paper bag in a nearby bin. Hope knocks and goes in first. I follow, stepping inside to see Mr. Yamato is busy at his desk.

"Good morning, sir," I greet him, but he just nods without looking up.

I glance at Hope, who is sitting on the long sofa with her legs crossed, flipping through a magazine. I sit down beside her. I glance back at Mr. Yamato scans his face. He looks serious—a sign that our mission will be tough. We all know that if our boss assigns a mission, it’s going to be special. This is the kind of mission where you don’t get to disagree; you can’t say no because he chooses you. You have no choice but to follow his orders.

Naiiwas ko ang paningin ko ng kalabitin ako ni Hope.

"Look at her boobies," I look down when she points to the magazine.

I see a woman sitting on a chair in a sexy, fierce pose. Her legs are wide open, and her hands grip the seat of the chair between her legs. She wears red lipstick, a sexy red panty, and a b*a that shows off her big breasts and amazing cleavage. Her legs shine—not just her legs, but her whole body, and it’s stunning. The way she looks is on fire, and the gaze in her eyes is what every man wants in his bed.

"What about that?"

"I want my t**s to be like that. You know..." she pauses. "You know, my boyfriend likes women with big boobies,"

"Really?" I pause for a moment to glance at her chest. She’s flat, like a wall. I look at her again.

"Why does he like you then?"

"Bruh?" she raises her eyebrows.

"Because I’m rich," she says, pointing to her chest.

"You’re rich enough to fix your boobs. Go make them bigger,"

"No way in hell, duh?" she shrugs.

"That's not what I meant," she adds.

"So?" I ask, confused.

"So?" tanong niya.

"I don't get you," sabi ko at saglit na tinapunan ng tingin muli si Mr. Yamato to see if he can hear us.

"I don't care if he's with me for money, as long as he's good in bed,"

"Really? If he's good in bed, why did you buy more toys?"

"Duh!" Hope whispers loudly, quickly covering her mouth. She gently lays her hand on my lap.

"s*x should be exciting and creative,"

"So you're saying d**k isn't enough to make you c*m?"

"Uh, yeah, sometimes, whatever!"

"Whatever?" kibit balikat na tanong ko.

"I..." she pauses.

"I like his thing inside me while I play my vibrator on my c**t,"

"Why waste money if you have ten fingers?" I ask.

"What?" kinunutan niya ako ng noo.

"Sis, hanggang two fingers lang ako,"

"Why not ten?"

"Okay ka lang?" she exclaims. "I don't actually use all of my fingers when fingering, though I did use both hands but not exactly ten... the f**k?"

"Have you ever counted how many fingers you used?"

She looks at me like I'm an idiot.

"Why don't you try?"

"No thanks,"

"Why would I waste my time counting how many fingers I used? Isn't that weird?" she asks.

"Why isn't it possible?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"You try," dagdag niya.

"Why would I try that?"

"Because you're a f*****g virgin!?" mahina ngunit parang pasigaw na sabi niya sa'kin na ikangiwi ko.

"Hey, you're rude," I mutter.

"You should have birthday s*x,"

"Why is it a big deal to be a virgin at my age?"

"Yes!"

"You're already thirty-four and turning thirty-five tomorrow. If magkaroon ng spiderwoman—ikaw na 'yon. Masapot na eh'. No boyfriend, no suitors, no experience in fingering, and no experience in s*x. Your life is sad—so sad. How do you cope with stress, darling?"

"Ehem..." agad kaming napatigil at napatingin ni Hope kay Mr. Yamato nang linisin niya ang kanyang lalamunan. Hindi ko alam kung paano kami napunta sa ganitong topic, pero hindi ko maiwasang matawa ng mahina.

I bite my lower lip to stop myself from laughing when I see Hope's face blushing like an idiot. Mr. Yamato stands up, looking like he’s finished with his work.

"Well, kamusta naman?" he asks with a smile as he walks in front of his desk and leans against it.

"Ayos naman po, sir," replies Hope, while I just nod in response.

"Congratulations on finishing your previous mission, and I'm sorry if I only gave you one day off,"

"Okay lang po, sir. Malaki naman po ang sahod, hehe." Napabuntong hininga na lang ako dahil kay Hope, habang si Mr. Yamato ay natawa.

"Anyway..." he pauses for a moment to walk to the side of the room in front of us and slide the curtain aside, revealing what’s behind it. There are four images stuck on the board, all familiar except for one. Hope and I are staring at the board, both silent and not wanting to rush Mr. Yamato to speak. We are both deep in thought, waiting for our boss to start the meeting.

"This is Mrs. Polina," he begins, pointing to the first picture on the second row.

"She's Xerxes Polina's wife. She escaped when we ambushed their mansion. Our organization tried its best to find her as quickly as possible, but it took months to finally track her down,"

"Lucio accidentally found them while he was at a church. Thankfully, he remembered her face—and this man..." He pauses for a moment, pointing to the picture next to Mrs. Polina, giving us a brief glance before returning to the board.

"This is her brother, the pastor of this church," he points out in the third picture.

"A few agents went to the church to check the security, but they found nothing except a few CCTV cameras. There aren't any big guys protecting her, just the pastors of the church. There is a security guard at the entrance, but don't worry; he’s just a normal employee,"

Hope and I nod in response. We both have nothing to say, but I know we're thinking the same thing: why our boss wants this mission to be ours.

"This..." Mr. Yamato points to the picture at the top, the only one there.

"This is your real mission," he looks at us again, making me feel uneasy because we’re now discussing the baby.

"The organization wants Mrs. Polina and her baby are dead. Your mission is to kill both of them, nothing more, nothing less,"

I... don’t know what to say. This is insane...

I feel uneasy. I don’t know... I just don’t know. Ang kaninang magaan at masaya kong mood ay parang biglang gumuho. Why me? Why us? Why is he giving this to us? Is he stupid for not realizing that we are both women and that killing a mother and her baby is like torturing us? I know we’ve taken down a lot of bad people, but that baby doesn’t deserve to die. It was born into this world without having done anything wrong, and it’s not at fault for its family's situation.

I want to complain and reject this goddamn mission, but my mouth won’t move to say anything or express how I feel. I’m nothing but a coward.

"Sir, may I know the reason why we have to kill the baby?" I take a slow, deep breath when Hope asks our boss. Thanks, Hope.

"That baby will soon be a threat to our organization,"

"Po? But sir—"

"That baby will soon take revenge when it grows up, Hope. The higher-ups have already made a decision, and we cannot do anything about it or disobey it."

"I understood sir—my bad," tipid na sumilay ang ngiti sa labi ni Yara habang marahang napapatango-tango.

"I gave this mission to you two because you guys are both amazing and trusted agents in our organization. I know you will never disobey me—us in this mission, right?"

Nabalot kami ng napakasandaling katahimikan bago kami makatugon kay Mr. Yamato.

"Yes sir," ramdam ko ang pilit sa tono ni Hope kaya napatango na lamang ako at sumang ayon kahit alam ko sa sarili ko na ayoko.